Peer Review by Ash (United States)

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Ouch

By: Rachel


PROMPT: Countdown

When I was running today, I slipped in a puddle. The puddle was from the rain earlier that day. I landed in an awkward position after falling. I checked for any cuts on me. There were no cuts on me. I was in pain though. My arm was hurting. It was broken. That hurt. Ouch.



Peer Review

It is a bit disjointed, but that's to be expected with this sort of prompt. I'm not quite sure how to describe the tone/ mood. Surprised maybe?


The line "that hurt." It felt 100% natural with the flow of the writing and didn't seem awkward at all.


I like "I was in pain though" on. The flow of the narrative is very natural.


Reviewer Comments

I really think you nailed the ending. The highlighted parts are a little shaky, but overall, it's a very good piece and a great response to the countdown prompt.