solarflair

United States

▼・ᴥ・▼

Message to Readers

any

i've found home

September 12, 2021

FREE WRITING

4
pt.1 (i apologize to all the housekeepers that have had to deal with me)

i always got sick in hotels
there was just something about them
the way all the rooms were separate and how there was no one to be seen
but i could hear every unknown word (i tried to drown them out)
as i went to the vending machine to buy a ginger ale
to get that stupid taste out of my mouth and burn my throat

it's natural to feel alone away, but it slowly seeped into home and the lines blurred
her lovely teeth looked alright though
i started watching some hockey because the avs were good and 
maybe i just believed everything 
that i told myself was true
because it's easier to believe in something than to admit you were wrong

i keep looking up on google
if my name means dog or if it's just a mistranslation
and i still don't know if my friend was right
but i know what dog i was

and i always thought i would regret the choice
but i regretted not making it sooner

pt.2 (i think my mp3 player overheated)

my shirt looks like the foothills (bordering mountain range)
my old mp3 player is getting hot in the cupholder
i knew all the words but i didn't know the words
i had like 20 songs on there just to prove a point
that i never got to prove
i spent hundreds on apple music 
for songs i didn't believe

a person told me i was wise or something one day
it was pretty stupid but i smiled and they couldn't see it
i took an odd amount of pride in that
because i was getting what i wanted from both worlds and no one knew
but me and You
i don't even know if You had an uppercase Y at the time
anyways, i was mad at something i tried to tell myself was fake

i don't drink soda anymore
but it hasn't made it worse
it was hard to admit, but i'm better off without.
i'm still not perfect (i get nervous and i'm nervous)
in this season. i'm tired and sunburnt and having vocal tics

but i always thought i would regret the choice
but now i regret not making it sooner

pt.3 (hyssop)

purge me with hyssop
take away the things i don't even know about

i would rather have the pain of giving up my self-absorption
than to have the pain of regret

and even though i tried to convince myself that You weren't there
Your soft whisper was the most powerful thing that i have ever felt
more so than the earthquake or the fire. i've found home.
actually the happiest of my life right now :) trying to get better physically, emotionally, and spiritually every day!

sorry about the delay on the book by the way. still have a lot going on. felt like writing tonight so i hope yall enjoy and can maybe relate a lil (or a lot) <3

much love

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7 Comments
  • Paisley Blue

    Re: yikes that does NOT sound fun, but I mean kudos to you for making it through lol. Our last two weeks have been in the 70s, delightful; idk if I could physically stand that XD

    Wow tho 100 degrees is HOT


    15 days ago
  • Anne Blackwood

    Re: Thank you <3


    16 days ago
  • pidgin

    re: Aw thanks!


    16 days ago
  • RavensInkWrites

    thank you so much for putting this writing out here. this is a type of feeling that i didn't think could be put into words.


    16 days ago
  • mirkat

    woah... this is phenomenal. so much detail and like blue said the genius of slowly moving towards home, again, to recollect your thoughts and heal is amazing! i also love how clear your voice shines through. sometimes its best not to cloud poems in imagery and just take us through thought processes and emotions. you've accomplished this so well here.
    re: lavender blood and salem are my current favorites. how bout you? <33


    16 days ago
  • Paisley Blue

    There's so much here I can't unpack it. Starting off with the discontent of the hotel, and slowly moving in closer to home as the tone also seemed to lift... this is a poem of healing. Absolutely amazing, I am awestruck by you!
    Re: lol thanks I figured it was you. Like the new username! How's it going?


    16 days ago
  • BizzleWrites

    Re:Thankyou! The inspiration for the poem in general was the fact my friend and I were going to go for a walk, then it started hailing SUPER HARD and turns out there's thunder storms predicted, so that's fun. And I would like to say the repitition is some metaphor for the way hail is repetitive, but it was honestly all I could think of because IT'S HAILING AND I DON'T WANT IT TO BE. I hope the weather where you are is better.


    16 days ago