Peer Review by SunV (India)

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fourteen

By: rosie_


PROMPT: [Insert Age]

when i was 6 i thought i was grown-up
mother's lipstick smothered across my face,
dresses and
bows and
pretty shoes.

but then I turned 8 and realized life wasn't so easy
mother died, lipstick gone
fights and 
crying and
cold nights.

turning 12 was where i though i had it all
store-bought lipstick became my own
late-night talks and
gossip and
fun.

but now i'm 14 and life: it's effort
too lazy to put on lipstick
lying in bed and
phones and 
unrealistic beauty standards.


Message to Readers

This is just a fun piece I wrote! Any feedback would be kindly appreciated! Enjoy <3


Peer Review

I feel like the starting lines of each stanza really gave us a summary of each stanza and in turn each age, and these are probably my favourite. Even though there isn't much information, there's a constant feeling that lasts for the rest of the stanza, which you've managed to execute wonderfully!


Since you've described past events along with what 14 feels like, the reader gets a clear idea of what you're trying to convey. The stark contrast in the odd and even stanzas really worked well, along with the periodic time jumps. Overall, great job!

I'd suggest adding a bit more to the last few lines of each stanza. Since the information you've given is moderate, we're only able to see one side of you. Maybe you could add in some more experiences, to add another dimension. Try answering questions about yourself at different ages (Did I enjoy spending time with my friends? Did I find school a burden? Did I love writing?) and use your answers as additional lines in each stanza.


Reviewer Comments

Another thing you could do is play with the formatting a little. The short lines at the end of each stanza are nice, but they interrupt the flow a little bit-- what if you were to modify that?

Hey rosie_!! I hope my highlights & comments were helpful, and remember that all my suggestions are purely suggestions, feel free to ignore them if you want. I can't wait to see where you take this! -SunV