Peer Review by yapyapxy (Singapore)

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Clouds

By: RockSugar98


Whenever I feel a tinge of stress
I look heaven-wards in search of relaxation
And surely, the sight erases all distress
And douses me with inspiration

I wonder how the dappled clouds
Could form perfect sinusoidal waves
Dotted with freedom and laced with grace 
As if they owned the melody of those white-capped waves

They drift by in a careless whisper of the afternoon breeze
Impeccably light and joyful
I feel my weary thoughts dissolve in their embrace
As the clouds teach me how to be audaciously beautiful.







 


Peer Review

Can I choose two?
"I feel my weary thoughts dissolve in their embrace/As the clouds teach me how to be audaciously beautiful."
I feel that these two lines aptly speaks the theme of the prompt with startling clarity, put to the very words the exact emotion of the moment.
This is something that, I feel, all writers struggle with and it is amazing what you managed to accomplish with these lines!


The writer uses diction that suggests tranquility, and lightness of motion, to suggest the mood of relaxation.

The tone is reverent, the speaker feeling in awe of the majestic clouds, an imagery created through the powerful adjectives used to describe the clouds, such as "owned" and "perfect".


Reviewer Comments

I enjoyed reading this poem tremendously and I felt this to be potentially appealing across periods, places, and people. After all, who hasn't admired the clouds in some way or another? (If they haven't, they ought to read this! hehe)

Effectual choice of words that I feel captured not only the majesty of the clouds, but also expressed the admiration of the speaker for the wild things.

I felt that the poem got stronger and more cohesive towards the end. If there is anything to be revised I might suggest looking towards the first stanza for a less forceful way of rhyming (stress and distress are hard rhymes) but it is still your piece after all. You can choose not to follow this suggestion. :) Why I suggested soft rhymes is because it is able to echo the nature of clouds without you adding more words, which I feel can be particularly effectual here.

What could I possibly add? Great writing, amazing piece. I'd love to see more of your works here on WTW. All the best in your writing endeavours!

- Xin Yi