Peer Review by Blue Moons (United States)

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Winter (inter.. nter... ter....)

By: barelybear


Chill clings to Winter’s bones like grout, 
The sun’s rays hasty in their rout 
No humans dare to venture out 

and greet him

On the lake he stops to drink,
Robin hops on frozen rink 
Eyes that stare and well like ink 

To take in cottage bricked and sweet
Gold light through shutters streams like wheat 
So soft against the fading heat 
With fire and bread and seeds to eat

Winter smiles and holds out hand 
Robin chirps, then looks around and — 

And sees him.

Fixes Winter with a glower, 
It’s cold - too cold - the sun sinks lower.

Deep down in Winter something cleaves,
Curls frosted fingers round the leaves 
Til wind stirs and shudders through the eaves.

Weighed down and punctured by each flake,
The robin comes to rest on lake

Though Winter’s heart could never break, 
Not even snow from tree to rake
Is cold enough to numb his ache 

And save him.


 

Wow I absolutely adore this prompt!! Loving the CA responses :D 

Message to Readers

I don’t do a lot of poetry, so *anythinggg* would be greatly appreciated c:
Have an amazing day!!!


Peer Review

The characterization of Winter and Robin is lovely! You've done a great job personifying them while maintaining the raw and natural core of what they are, especially for Winter.


I love it. You used it very naturally, and it was a delightful surprise when I noticed it, as I hadn't seen the prompt beforehand. The poem overall is folksy and familiar, and feels like something that should be read every year around Christmastime.


Reviewer Comments

You use beautiful language in a very effective way, and I really enjoyed reading this! I became emotionally attached to Winter as I read this piece, and so the last few stanzas definitely left an impact!