Peer Review by Ash (United States)

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Seven

By: Veronica Judson


PROMPT: Borrowing Voice

Id be working with him and that would make him
so happy. But he isnt here anymore. God took him from me at such a young age. I wish I had spent more time with him. I wish I had paid more attention to everything he said. I was so wrapped up in my own world thinking I already knew it all. I feel so lost without him. I wander if he is watching me right now. I can hear him now, "Pick up your cheeks baby girl and let this world have it." 

OMENS by Neil Armstrong



Peer Review

The third and final sentences were very strong. It's obvious the narrator loved this character and that he love her back. She's still suffering from the loss and the writer makes that point clear.


You keep things very vague, preferring to throw only the bare minimum scraps of information to the reader. You leave the reader constantly questioning things. Who was this man? How was he related to the narrator? The tone is wistful.


Reviewer Comments

You left out commas and apostrophes. Besides that, you have a very solid piece. You can be more descriptive by giving examples of how the narrator was "wrapped up in her own world" so that the reader gets a stronger sense of her character and simultaneously the man she's talking about. It's a very short piece, but I feel like you did it justice.