Peer Review by A. Penderwick (United States)

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Her Eyes and Your Eyes

By: Ishani_7


FREE WRITING

Her eyes are blue, Yours are brown
Her represent the oceans, Your represents the ground.
  You have always hated your eyes and wish they were blue But your eyes have tint of gold so rare it must not be true.your eyes hold the riches that are buried in ground.
Her eyes carry Stroms and rage like sea 
Your eyes carry earthquakes that brings mountains to there kness.
 
Maybe her eyes are blue and your eyes are region Queen 
Because they hold the purest riches that the world have ever seen.

I kind of wrote this poem on my eyes cause they are brown so why not tell people that brown can bring many to there knees ☺️☺️

Peer Review

This piece is all about the depths hidden within someone's eyes, which is pretty common in books, especially romance novels. But this poem focuses on the beauty of brown eyes, which isn't something you see as often. I really love that you chose to focus on brown eyes, and I also adore the wonderful imagery you've added.


Is the rhyming intentional? Reading through this, I'm seeing some gentle rhyming, but it's not super clear if that was purposeful. I think if it is, you should try to make that rhyming a little stronger, and really highlight it, because I think it does add to the poem. Right now, it's sort of hanging in this middle ground, so I think if you pick one side and really emphasize it, the poem will sound so beautiful.


Reviewer Comments

I hope this review helped, and I hope it didn't seem too harsh. You've really written a beautiful poem, and I don't want to seem like I don't love it, because I do. Feel free to take or leave the suggestions; it's your poem, you're the writer, so you know what's best.
I was itching to review something, and this felt like the perfect piece, so that's why this review is a little random, but I hope it helps.
Amazing job, and have a wonderful day/night!