A. Penderwick

United States

She/her/hers

You can call me Meli :)

Reader
Writer
Actor
Singer
Dancer
(inefficient) baker
Ranter
Feminist
...plus a lot of other things too

You matter, you are deserving, and you are enough.

Message from Writer

Feedback is always appreciated!
If you'd like a review, leave a comment on one of my pieces and I'll get to it as soon as I can.
I really love writing reviews, so definitely let me know if you need one!

I wish I could write more often, but I'm busy(and also a master procrastinator, even if it's doing something I love!)

I currently have 1 ongoing series called Dangerous Writing. It's where I'll publish a couple quick writes, and it's fun(albeit a little random). This is a series that doesn't follow a plot, so you don't have to read them in order.

I love to read, and I love book recs- giving them and receiving them(do with that what you will)

Currently Reading: Charming As a Verb(just read Legendborn- SO GOOD!)

Untitled- Unedited

July 29, 2021

FREE WRITING

4
    You stare at an empty screen, and that hidden little part of you that brings forth metaphor and simile and magic is tucked away, where you can't find it. You can try to coax it out, and maybe it will work, but sometimes, it just won't. Scrolling through writing prompts, they all seem one and the same. Mundane, boring, uninspiring. You read the words of others, and it seems so much more magical, because you've forgotten what it feels like to write something that good. You feel like an outsider to something you've been a part of your whole life. And it's different this time. It's not just procrastination, it's not just your brain feeling unfocused. This time, it's a real block. Something you can't get past. It's like when you're scrolling through YouTube, or instagram or whatever, watching and liking posts and videos, but not caring about a single one. It's that mind numbing feeling of back and forth, but you're waiting for inspiration to hit. But it doesn't. You read the articles about how to make writer's block disappear "results guaranteed!", but it's the same thing they keep telling you, and it doesn't work. It's a feeling that feels alien, something you're not quite used to. Because once it's gone, you've forgotten what it's like. And the words are back, and you feel right again, up until when you don't. It doesn't seem to follow a pattern. It never seems to correspond with certain life events or feelings, it's a whole different thin. Because the writer inside you, it lives on a different schedule. It pops out when it wants to, and sometimes it's reluctant, and sometimes it produces the most brilliant thing you've ever written, but sometimes, it refuses and there's nothing at all. The feeling of your finger flying across the keyboard disappears, in an instant. and it's start- stop, type- delete, because nothing good is coming to mind, and you're trying to force out the poetry. And so-
    And then-
    That's why-
    Writer's-
    To break down-
    But what if-
          What if 'what if' doesn't work? What if it's not just something you can whip away, or break down, or move past? Maybe writer's block is something we just need to acknowledge, maybe it's just unavoidable. And maybe, instead of running from it, instead of opening a thousand new tabs on our computer or rewatching that one video that promisees it will cure writers block- maybe we just need to thrive in it. Breathe it in. Write bad poetry, really bad poetry. Don't let yourself delete it, even if it's total crap. Or maybe you just write down what you're thinking about, one long sentence with no literary devices employed. Maybe the only way to move past writers block to is to write about writers block, and how positively sucky it is. And maybe then the next day, the writer inside you returns.
The title is true, I did not edit this a single bit, didn't even reread it. It's late, but I promised myself I would publish something every day this week, and even though I've had no ideas or good writing in me, I wanted to write something. I'm fully aware that this is terrible, but this was all I had in me. Maybe some other day I'll edit this and try to make it beautiful, but I don't know if that's even possible. Aside from the lack of flow, literary devices or good writing, there are also a billion run on sentences, which I'm telling myself is a stylistic choice, but it's really not. I need to learn to love the semi colon. A while back, for a grab bag, one of the prompts was "write about how writer's block feels to you". That grab bag has passed, the prompt has disappeared, but It bought of that today, and decided to give it a shot. (By the way, I'm pretty sure it was Bri Riley who came up with that prompt, but if I'm worn and you came up with it, or know who did, please let me know and I'll change this and credit them).

Anyways, that's all from me, today, folks. I apologize for the mess that this piece is, and the footnotes as well, but I get stupid when I'm tired, so I figure the best thing I can do is acknowledge it. 

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  • July 29, 2021 - 11:58pm (Now Viewing)

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7 Comments
  • BizzleWrites

    Re: Thank you! It means a lot.
    Have a nice day/night :)
    P.S. A fellow Hamilfan!


    about 2 months ago
  • Sophiascb

    re- thank you!
    and yeahhh something i love about his writing is how he uses so many different perspectives and little snippets that make the worldbuilding so well-rounded.


    about 2 months ago
  • barelybear

    Ahh i completely get this feeling, and I LOVE how well you’ve described it, like “That mind numbing feeling of back and forth.” It’s so cool that you’ve owned your block, and taken back control. And what a great idea to get yourself to publish a new piece each day!!
    Re: (sorry it’s slow - I’ve been at a kinda activities/volunteering thing, and have just been EXHAUSTED every evening!!)
    Thank you so much!! Hehe thought it was about time for a pretty piece c:
    And why yes, I dodgily photoshopped it myself :D
    It’s all my favourite things together! (Minus some kind of food, I suppose).


    about 2 months ago
  • Ava Marie

    This is probably the most relatable thing I have ever read on this cite and I love it!!!!!!


    about 2 months ago
  • Sophiascb

    Re- thank you so much!! It was fun writing from a doggies perspective, they’re so pure. I really glad to hear about another fan of his! So far I’ve read arc of a scythe and unwind and I have challenger deep and dry. The only issue is, I live in California so I’m like challenger deep is about the ocean and dry is about a drought. AND my biggest fear is natural disasters… you can see how this is going. Bad luck for me I guess ;)


    about 2 months ago
  • Tachi

    re: Thank you, I love my joke too! Shakespeare did write in ink most of the time, at least I think


    about 2 months ago
  • SnowLeopard06

    I'm stuck on a bad case of writers block right now, and though this didn't help (nothing does, you know?), it stopped part of the feeling that I'm drowning in it.
    So, sorry if this ends up being long, but I'm going to try and write out (is that a thing? I hope it's a thing) my writers block, so sorry if it's long. Sorry for using this comment for it, but idk, I might delete it all anyways.
    I'm not really sure what I'm stuck on. I just can't write. Maybe because I'm working on a book, and it's near the end? Even though it's a series, maybe I sub-consciously don't want it to end? Or maybe I'm still stuck on the characters, or need a change of POV? Except I've already switched POV five times in this too-long chapter, so maybe not? Maybe I just need to finish the chapter, and start a new scene? Arghhhh. Maybe I'm just really tired, and it feels like I'm wading through fog. Or marshes. With alligators. But how do you finish something when you don't know how you can continue? Honestly, why is all this just questions?
    Sorry for the length, but this piece really helped me think over my writers block, and maybe figure out why it's there, so I can maybe write it away (ironic, how writing helps you unblock it, but writers block stops you from writing).
    Brilliant piece, and it's beautiful in a kind of rougher, slightly tired way.
    Happy (hopefully) Un-Blocking!


    about 2 months ago