HighEntropy

India

concerned deeply about climate change
fan of myths and superheroes

love to vent, love reading vent pieces <3

get my stuff banned more times than I'd like :'(

Message from Writer

"I'm running away from my responsibilities
and it feels good."
- Michael Scott

questioning the system and then feeling helpless is a feature of the the teenage condition. so, apologies :)

script : it's ok to be neurotic (see footnotes)

July 3, 2021

FREE WRITING

1
[definition of neuroticism flashes on screen, I read it]

hey neurotic people!

Joe here!
Joe mama!
today we're gonna find out if hiding your neurosis under many layers of security induced by humour is really a good idea
(maybe not!)
a bunch of researchers called up some people with depression in group A and the ones without in group B. Still with me here? I see your mind tryna sneak in nihilism into your lifestyle. Not today!
Anyways, Group B dint laugh at dark memes but Group A did. Why would they laugh at something that literally pains them everyday?

depressive memes are seen by depressed people as funny and enjoyable and they may increase positive emotions in some people with depression – even if the content isn’t what most people would think of as positive.
dark memes are a form of cognitive reappraisal for depressed people.
what's cognitive reappraisal?
it's basically changing how you interpreted an event. neurotypicals look for the positives in negative situations while depressed people think of what could've been worse. so memes can help them see negative situations differently.
dark humour is also more relatable to them, of course.
as a socially anxious person myself, I can say that memes can help people share their experience without having the fear of being a burden and help them socialise better. possibly making emotional bonds with other neurotic people. it makes them have a sense of community, feeling that they aren't alone.

[dicontinuous cut to "i'm sane" being said multiple times, dark room.
pulls out phone]

[discontinuous cut]

Some self-deprecating comedians and complainers wear their neuroticism as a badge of honor, but in truth, people with neurotic dispositions are more prone to anxiety, mood disorders, and additional unfavorable social and emotional outcomes.
research has indicated that dabbling in the neurotic is linked to a wide range of physical and mental disorders, as well as a shortened life expectancy. So having a calm, relaxing life will make you live longer. 
http://longevity.about.com/od/longevityandillness/a/neurotic_worry.htm

[cut to dark room]
she laughed at my meme in capital letters. that's satire. is it satire?
I need to delete this conversation.
lemme ask someone else.
they say it is blatant satire. shit. maybe I should just ask her. 
wait she actually liked it? but I told her that I could see how unfunny it was. am I making fun of her humour? No. No. No. No. No.
why am I putting so much effort into this?
(pause)
maybe that's just how estrogen works.
[cut]

When you experience neurosis, you’re not just worrying; you’re reacting to emotions and situations in a highly realistic and elemental way.
while some may think you’re overreacting, what you’re actually doing is collecting a kind of raw emotion other people are just not in tune with.

I saw this article that said it's actually good for you?

https://www.elitedaily.com/life/being-neurotic-good-for-you/992162

and I thought, that can't be right. it ruined a lot of people's lives and lives of the people around them. let's see what it has to say.

"it's easy to be happy cause you always assume the worst." ok, i'll get a 12-second hit of serotonin and then go back to my old ways.
"you have a deeper understanding of yourself" I drive myself crazy with self-refferring questions about life's purpose and what not which sucks because it pains me every single day. I don't want to have this "understanding". I just wanna do my books, play, dance, cook, craft, write and go to bed. sure my neurosis fuels my art but I'd rather have no art than no social life.
"you're a social person. you care about others" no I hate people and I only care if I fear.
"Is there anything more cathartic than the natural ability to speak your mind? " I speak my mind when I make art, but otherwise I like to keep stuff bottled up.

now here's one I actually relate to "you get a lot of sh*t done at a very fast pace."
and then I have nothing to do except think if what I did was up to standard, and overthink my 11-year-old self.

neurosis isn't healthy. derealization isn't healthy. sure it's self-treatable, but that doesn't mean you should wear it proudly.
it promotes anxiety and worrying, anger and fear, depression, jealousy, loneliness,  addiction, obesity, and can have drastic effects on your physical health and fingernails. 

why does it even exist?

https://bigthink.com/surprising-science/neuroticism-evolutionary-psychology?rebelltitem=3#rebelltitem3

In the environment that we evolved in, the consequences of being harmed were dire — breaking a leg from a fall, having a meal stolen by another animal, or being attacked by a predator would often result in death and the end of your genetic line.
 Neurotic people react more quickly and strongly to negative stimuli, which would make them less likely to expose themselves to dangerous environments or to take risks. Although now we're fairly safe, we can still see this mechanism at play; individuals who do extreme and dangerous activities like, say, climbing Mount Everest, tend to score unusually low in neuroticism.

if you're somewhat neurotic, but organised and productive, it can help you. 
if you're shit scared and nervous, more than others, of being homeless or poor or what my aunty calls "unstable",you're likely to do better academically.
but if you're highly neurotic and lazy, it might make your life crumble in front of your eyes.
so, no. it's not ok to be neurotic.

I really don't know how to end this so here's a piece feuled by neuroticism so you get a gist-

screaming into a pillow
screaming into a pillow
screaming into a pillow
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH
 
and another one-
you have a will to survive? ha, such an ape instinct.

as I clear away 
clouds of ignorance
I see 
yet more of them
and #deep only 
scratches the surface
introspection will only 
lead you to more darkness

and when i have
too much time on my hands
too many thoughts and no one 
to distract from them
i fall into a steep spiral
of selfish self reflections
it holds no meaning 
and is merely a deflection
but from what?
finally made a video essay : http://youtu.be/2KaTBbpISgg

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