ghostyboi

United States

the river collective
current member count: 10
he/him
pfp made by me
joined september 2019

Message to Readers

if you're my brother and you're reading this, no you're not

the river collective

June 10, 2021

FREE WRITING

18

i don't know who "me" is anymore
i used to be scared of that
but now i'm just
used to it

am i just the accumulation of
a dozen different opinions?
am i the one who was there first?
or am i simply a theory lost in reality?

i've lost all sense of self
but still i say "i"
because when i speak it's a performance
i am just a performance

and strangely enough
we're okay with that
i've done some research, and while i don't have the time, money, or energy for a diagnosis right now, i think i might have a dissociative disorder. i'm not entirely sure what because all i know is from the internet, but basically i just retreated into my mind when things got bad and split off parts of me that i needed to protect myself. again, i am not a professional and this is purely speculation but my therapist did agree with me.
(also yes it is ironic that i said "i" for this entire footnote but idk what else to say)

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  • June 10, 2021 - 6:32am (Now Viewing)

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7 Comments
  • Destiny_the_writer

    Thanks for sharing this, makes me feel so much less alone. Never knew how to explain those feelings, and you just did it perfectly


    10 days ago
  • Paisley Blue

    like chrys said, although this doesn't apply to me i find myself relating to a large chunk of it. your writing is wonderful; it touches me even when i can't directly understand, if you know what i mean? beautiful poem, my goodness. no matter what we're here for you. <3


    10 days ago
  • Jj101

    Re: This might not help with anything, but I’m so sorry you went through those rough times. I think you’re an amazing writer and I look up to you. Sending love <3


    10 days ago
  • ✧♬TwinklingLights♬✧

    <3


    10 days ago
  • chrysanthemums&ink

    i find that i can relate to a massive part of this, especially the 3rd stanza. though, you really have articulated well what i have been struggling to say for quite a long time!


    10 days ago
  • NewPoet

    This is a great piece, and you will find who you want to be eventually, just take your time with it to discover what feels right! I don’t really know you, but I encourage you to keep going, and know that everyone on here supports you!


    11 days ago
  • Rose Beta

    I love this piece! I may not know you personally but you seem like a very strong person and I am proud that you are slowly discovering yourself! Take your time and learn to love yourself either way!


    11 days ago