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the river collective
current member count: 10
pfp made by me
joined september 2019

Message to Readers

if you're my brother and you're reading this, no you're not

the river collective

June 10, 2021



i don't know who "me" is anymore
i used to be scared of that
but now i'm just
used to it

am i just the accumulation of
a dozen different opinions?
am i the one who was there first?
or am i simply a theory lost in reality?

i've lost all sense of self
but still i say "i"
because when i speak it's a performance
i am just a performance

and strangely enough
we're okay with that
i've done some research, and while i don't have the time, money, or energy for a diagnosis right now, i think i might have a dissociative disorder. i'm not entirely sure what because all i know is from the internet, but basically i just retreated into my mind when things got bad and split off parts of me that i needed to protect myself. again, i am not a professional and this is purely speculation but my therapist did agree with me.
(also yes it is ironic that i said "i" for this entire footnote but idk what else to say)


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  • June 10, 2021 - 6:32am (Now Viewing)

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  • Destiny_the_writer

    Thanks for sharing this, makes me feel so much less alone. Never knew how to explain those feelings, and you just did it perfectly

    10 days ago
  • Paisley Blue

    like chrys said, although this doesn't apply to me i find myself relating to a large chunk of it. your writing is wonderful; it touches me even when i can't directly understand, if you know what i mean? beautiful poem, my goodness. no matter what we're here for you. <3

    10 days ago
  • Jj101

    Re: This might not help with anything, but I’m so sorry you went through those rough times. I think you’re an amazing writer and I look up to you. Sending love <3

    10 days ago
  • ✧♬TwinklingLights♬✧


    10 days ago
  • chrysanthemums&ink

    i find that i can relate to a massive part of this, especially the 3rd stanza. though, you really have articulated well what i have been struggling to say for quite a long time!

    10 days ago
  • NewPoet

    This is a great piece, and you will find who you want to be eventually, just take your time with it to discover what feels right! I don’t really know you, but I encourage you to keep going, and know that everyone on here supports you!

    11 days ago
  • Rose Beta

    I love this piece! I may not know you personally but you seem like a very strong person and I am proud that you are slowly discovering yourself! Take your time and learn to love yourself either way!

    11 days ago