i don't know who "me" is anymore
i used to be scared of that
but now i'm just
used to it
am i just the accumulation of
a dozen different opinions?
am i the one who was there first?
or am i simply a theory lost in reality?
i've lost all sense of self
but still i say "i"
because when i speak it's a performance
i am just a performance
and strangely enough
we're okay with that
i've done some research, and while i don't have the time, money, or energy for a diagnosis right now, i think i might have a dissociative disorder. i'm not entirely sure what because all i know is from the internet, but basically i just retreated into my mind when things got bad and split off parts of me that i needed to protect myself. again, i am not a professional and this is purely speculation but my therapist did agree with me.
(also yes it is ironic that i said "i" for this entire footnote but idk what else to say)