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Message to Readers
I edited the opening chapter of a sci-fi story I was working on a couple of years ago because I wanted something to submit in time for an expert review. But I would love to write something new for this comp as well (Preferably something that is actually true sci-fi, not just fantasy dressed up with space-ships) I would still love a review though, cause I might just spend the time polishing up its story instead if you guys think its decent (and actually sci-fi)
The voice of the narrator is spot-on! I honestly had so much fun reading their thoughts -- they remind me of Han Solo, but even sassier! The word choice is impeccable as well -- phrases like ' a glorious inferno of irreverence' just roll off the tip of your tongue.
The world building in this piece is subtle, but done well. I love the details about the planet -- the white clay of the ground and the buildings, the strange plant that literally burrows everywhere, the hints about non-human species. I feel like knowing a bit more about the authority figures/ government would help in understanding the narrator's past a bit more. Maybe you could add a few lines about the narrator wondering what would happen if they were caught? Right now, the main themes of sci-fi in the story are exoplanets and alien species, so adding a bit more about the way the government works would be icing on the cake.
The only thing I'd like to know a bit more about is Mendra and the narrator's history , and if they're a sort of space crime gang, but a little mystery is cool too! An elaboration on the government system would also be great, seeing as lawbreaking happens in the story. At certain points, I was confused about the narrator's thoughts, as their didn't seem to fit in with their character, but on the whole, this piece is remarkably cohesive and well-written. Well done!
This story is way more than decent -- it's amazing! I don't think I've ever read such a brilliant draft! I felt it was a sci-fi story through and through . It didn't ever occur to me to categorize it as 'dressed up fantasy'. There were very few edits I could spot-- and even these were minor ones. I'd love to read a part two about the narrator as well!
Reading your story was such a pleasure, and I feel privileged to have gotten the chance to review it. Your writing and command over language is stunning, and I can't wait to read anything else you write!