Peer Review by Nors (United States)

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In the wake of the storm

By: thatromanticweirdo

The world is a desert; a harsh, arenose, barren landscape. The sun is a laser that seeks to kill. The year is 2220, there is no such thing as a skyscraper, there is no such thing as new or shiny, only the distant memory of what once was. We have wrecked the world. There is no repair. 

Our houses rise out of the ground like stunted, misshapen lumps with no purpose other than to provide shade from the roasting sun that burns through broken window panes and ruined roofs. The humidity a curse that leaves our clothes undried despite the relentless heat of the day. I am lucky, my house is bigger than many, but sharing a room with my four brother makes life difficult. Yet there is still beauty in this nightmare.

As dawn breaks, hell opens and waterfalls of rain come pouring down from the sky. The storm comes as the opera of the skies, the instruments determined to sing out. Even the rain comes in orchestrated rhythm, appearing as the master of the scene yet arriving on unheard cue. The cacophony of weather drowns out Mother Nature in a violent struggle to the death. Ghoulish clouds gather and hover tauntingly as they bang sonorous shields and throw electric swords. Deadly plant life shrivels by the hand of an even deadlier poison. The rain teems down in a deluge, flooding the desert, a cataclysm of rain, an unending cataract of water sluicing from the sky. 

Terrified, we take shelter in what little protection remains - cabins that threaten to cave in on us as the rain beats at the roofs. People retire to their dwellings as the sky wages war on humanity, fearing the wrath of mother nature herself, wreaking vengeance for the careless acts of vandalism that have defaced the Earth. Children, older than me, take shelter under their beds, fearful of the consequences of their ancestors' actions. Children, younger than me, cower under tables made of woven leaves and scream at the sky, begging it to stop. But the sky screams back.

The rain is incessant. It snaps and crackles like bracken pods in a bushfire. The floodgates in the sky have been opened and no-one is left to close them back up. The rain, leaves the already damaged landscape as a barren, hellish wasteland full of ghosts and monsters dreamed up only in the nightmares of children and sent by only the cruellest of gods or escaped from the deepest pit of Tartarus. 

But it is not all bad. In the wake of the rain, a rainbow of colour casts itself through the slums, lighting up the hive of activity with a prism of light creating hope and joy as it caresses the buildings. Graceful goldens twirl with balletic blues, leaping from building to building in a ballet of endurance. Children of every age frolick amongst the puddles, their laughter creating a harmony within the cacophony of sound that rises from the city. Like principal ballerinas the few flowers that have survived sway in time to the gentle breeze that flutters through the air, erasing the traces of despair that linger on street corners.

In a small orange cabin, I wrap flickering coloured lights round a small plant which once had a name, that is long forgotten. Small items are scattered under it, wrapped in brown paper with child-like illustrations drawn on them. Aromas of spices waft through the air, blending in with the fresh smell of biscuits - a rare treat in the poorer end of town. The mismatched chairs positioned round the table add to the cozy atmosphere and if one had forgotten what the date was, they could almost imagine that once - many years ago - it was the 25th December and church bells were ringing.

I went a bit christmassy - its possible I’m a little bit christmas nostalgic :)

Peer Review

I love love love the personification of the storm! The description is so mesmerizing and it's super impressive.

"...fearful of the consequences of their ancestors' actions." This line is haunting in a way. It would be cool maybe to go into what specifically those actions were, but I also think the piece is just fine without that too.

Like I said before, expanding how they got to this point would be interesting. I also think learning more about our narrator and about their personality and take on things would add a lot.

Keep doing what you're doing! The description of the storm is incredible and it creates such a vivid picture in my mind.

Reviewer Comments

I LOVE THIS SO MUCH! The contrast of the storm and cozy fire is amazing and I can't wait to see what else you do!