ghostyboi

United States

the river collective
he/him
pfp made on picrew
trans
i've given up on labeling my romantic orientation
asexual
joined september 2019

Message from Writer

"It's alright, it's okay. You're not a monster just human and you made a few mistakes,"
-It's Alright by Mother Mother

"One page of the bible isn't worth a life,"
-The Village by Wrabel

"A hundred bad days makes a hundred good stories and a hundred good stories makes me interesting at parties,"
-100 Bad Days by AJR

"I thought you had me in prison this whole time, but I'm the one holding the key."
-Intro III by NF

"But there's a moment when you realize parents aren't superheroes or villains. They're painfully, unforgivably human. The question is can you forgive them for being human anyway?"
-Dry by Neal Shusterman

"If I wait 'til my tomorrow comes is the waiting all I've ever done?"
-Ben Platt

My (hopefully) last coming out (Pride month special part three!)

June 7, 2021

FREE WRITING

16

    I didn't plan on telling them anything. Two times I had learned that telling them anything was a bad plan. I didn't want to, but I knew I had to. If I was going to change my name at school I figured they would need to know, and soon. School started in less than a week, and I'd be damned if I had to spend another year as my deadname.
    "I'm going by River at school." I said. That was it. Family dinner interrupted by that simple sentence. I didn't want it to be a huge deal, and I didn't want them to ask about it. Just a statement that wasn't debateable.
    Of course, they debated it. Why didn't I like the name they gave me? My birth name is gender neutral, right? They couldn't believe I would throw away the gift they gave me.
    The questions rolled in. The tears flowed, them grieving their daughter, and I grieving our relationship that now I knew couldn't be healed. If they can't even respect my name, how could they be my family?
    I went to bed that night feeling empty. I wrote a letter, not a coming out one this time. People came up to my room to reassure me that they still loved me, but I barely heard them. I didn't believe a word they said. I just smiled and nodded until they left me alone for the night.
    That was the day that I relapsed. I couldn't stand being with my family anymore and I needed a way to escape. That was also the day I started seriously dissociating. If I couldn't escape my family physically, I'd go somewhere else in my mind. The problem was, nowhere in my mind was safe anymore.
    This story doesn't have a happy ending. In fact, there's no ending at all yet. Lots of stuff happened: I spent a week or two in the hospital, and my parents finally listened to me after that. My mom started educating herself on trans issues. I know our relationship can't be repaired any time soon, but we're trying. I'm getting better, and I'm accepted now.
    My journey still hasn't ended yet, but I'm glad I'm (hopefully) finished with the coming out part.
This last part was heavily censored, so it's not the exact story. Once again, my family has grown since this happened, so don't come at them.
You don't need to come out if you don't want to or are not safe. You don't owe anyone anything. Stay safe y'all, and happyr pride!

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  • June 7, 2021 - 1:21pm (Now Viewing)

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8 Comments
  • Destiny_the_writer

    You are so strong, one for having the courage to come out and two, for sharing your story. BTW i love your profile pic and River is literally the coolest name ever :)


    5 days ago
  • BizzleWrites

    Just remember, you are a valid brave person, and deserve all the love and support in the world! I hope things improve, and, I wish you all the best. Happy pride!


    6 days ago
  • Rose Beta

    You are beyond brave and I wish the best for you! I am so proud and happy that you have come this far!


    6 days ago
  • Jasmin khawar

    Re: oh I'm so sorry I didn't know that. I'll never do it again


    8 days ago
  • sci-Fi

    i think i've said it on both other pride pieces but i'll say it again: you are so brave. i hope when your journey does come to an end, it's a happy one.
    <3


    8 days ago
  • ava_grace

    Hope your journey forward is a happy one! <3 <3 <3


    8 days ago
  • Jasmin khawar

    I'm so sorry for you. I hope everything will be alright in future, I hope you'll be fine and happy. I wish there will be a happy ending <3 I'll be praying for you!
    Also...I what was the name your parents gave you? I'm just curious. It's totally fine if you don't want to tell, I understand :)


    8 days ago
  • The Coy-Fish

    This is some heavy stuff. Honestly nearly crying. I wish you the best of luck.


    8 days ago