HighEntropy

India

teen from south asia
concerned deeply about climate change
fan of myths and superheroes
writing as a hobby, but still need tons of improvement
mostly write poetry!
youtube channel - Tindinetic

Message from Writer

love and kindness :)

"im running away from my responsibilities
and it feels good."
- Michael Scott

"What is grief, if not love persevering?"
- Vision
Pfp is my buh-dass sis traced by moi
mostly write poetry here!

Bo Burnham's 'Inside' and Venting

July 22, 2021

FREE WRITING

9
watching Bo Burnham's special 'Inside' would give anyone the urgency to just make something, anything. see, the thing about someone sharing happy thoughts with me is that I don't get inspired from it. it withers away in a few moments. it is active. but sad thoughts; they're passive, and one would think she'd be buried with them.

and my art is a celebration of pessism and a teen-agony vibe I've created inside of me. 

In his special, Burnham talks about how his panic attacks started getting better. in January of 2020, he thought he would do a live show for the first time in five years. and then, the funniest thing happened....
this resonated with me so much! I hit a new low in seventh grade, and I struggled to differentiate between a fabricated identity that I made for every different person I had a conversation with and an identity I wanted to create for myself. 
my motivations had died and my journals were in full swing. I think that's the most creative I've ever been.
by the end of eighth grade, with the help of my social circle, I became a happier person and a better individual. No longer was I putting too much effort into conversation. My words came out effortlessly. I was doing just fine in class. I had more than 2 people I could call friends. 
when the lockdown hit, the goals I set for myself socially, just crumpled. lately I have been finding myself putting all my effort into a conversation and deleting it as soon as it is done out of, anxiousness, regret, whatever you wanna call it. all this progress I made throughout almost two years came crashing down. 
I started to write again.
thoughts I would rather not have thought. crises that would normally would occur in someone's 30's. and once existential stuff comes, it seemingly doesn't go away that easily. 
a person not liking me would not have bothered me much. but now it gave me insomnia for a few days.

I've missed venting. I used to do this with my sister who's now in college (see "message unread", a poem I wrote for her) and she's busy now so I have no one to be vulnerable with. and it freaking pains me.

all of this, Burnham's special made me feel all of this, in a few cherished moments. uncomfortable, claustrophobic, amazing, masterpiece. and since I'm posting this in a community of writers, I will assume you have all gone through grief once in a while. or experienced derealization. either way, this is a special you must check out. it gives you the pessimistic longing no piece has ever given me. it will make you think about life and all kinds of uncomfortable thoughts. and who knows, maybe you will carve another surreal piece. 
keep making. keep writing. have weird thoughts once in a while.

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  • July 22, 2021 - 2:37am (Now Viewing)

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3 Comments
  • happy butterfly

    replying: why thank you so much


    about 1 month ago
  • celestialbard

    bo burnham!!! yes!!


    about 1 month ago
  • Karma‚Äôs_Coming

    Your wish has been granted ! I published a second part to Simply Was, hope you enjoy. And thank you so much for the review !!!


    2 months ago