Below, you'll see any text that was highlighted with comments from the reviewer.
Right from the first line, the writer drew me in - using a particularly charming and unique tone and style of short, rhythmic phrases and snapshots of past and present, she carries the story smoothly and flawlessly through. It's a somewhat addictive style precisely because it is so different. However, in terms of favourite lines, I think 'she will smile and watch as I sink below', 'after she finished, I told her never to tell me any stories ever again' and 'luckily I'm not a cat. I'd be dead by now'.
I think this could be a very long and interesting novel partially because she makes everything move so fluidly and partially because she subtly hints at great complexities in the characters. She crafts it very well, giving very telling information very concisely and leaving the reader to wonder. She uses the character of the mother, for example, very cleverly, integrating aspects of personality such as self-absorption and slight sadism but you wonder how this manifests itself in everyday life and what further depth there is to the character - such complexity is rare in such a short extract and extremely intriguing.
The paragraph about the mother and her story could be developed - firstly I'm unsure as to what the 'similar' means here as I didn't pick up on a story beforehand, and secondly she could go into more depth about the horror of it to develop her character further - it is unlikely that her character would be scared by typical, everyday horror and although it seems weak to blatantly state what the story was about, I think it could at least be hinted at. Maybe have very vague quotes from the story punctuating the paragraph as a whole?
Setting of the house could be explored as I stated in one of the highlighted comments - with these two uncommunicative characters and a whole load of empty rooms, it must be something of a ghost house and I feel that to add to the grimness of the voice this could be developed.
This is an excellent piece of writing - as I say, the writing is of a very unique and deeply personal style and dark humour, and metaphor, symbolism etc are used with extreme subtlety and maturity. I also like the contrast between quietly poetic sentences and statements that the narrator makes.
Excellent piece of writing here, I'm a little bit in love with it! I'm pretty new here so I don't know the exact guidelines but you might want to check the word count if you intend to enter it for the competition (which you should - with some tweaks every now and then it could defo be a winner.)