Paisley Blue

United States

they/them | 6.2.2020
genderfluid | christian

when the world stops moving

Message to Readers

mindless

swinging my legs and watching the shadows move so i know i still exist

May 26, 2021

FREE WRITING

48

my room is spinning on its axis a planet
in orbit around the sun, the sun. or maybe
it’s me who’s spinning falling, grounding into
the carpet with its frayed edges off-white matted
 - but my eyes are searching for maps in
    the patterns on my ceiling they never move
        and yet each time i see something new.

//

there’s a vase of lily-of-the-valleys at the foot of my
bed and they’re dead but i haven’t thrown them out.
the leaves are yellow and brown and the flowers
are all dried and crispy but they still look kinda pretty
and i wonder if they’d crumble if i touched them.
i wonder what’s wrong with being a little
    undone after all here i am
        laying on the floor again and i can’t find my sense of balance.

//

when i’m bored i hold my breath and count the seconds before my body
makes me breathe again. reminds me how i don’t want to die at least
not yet. there’s shadows on my curtains from the tree
and they’re dancing with me, spinning spinning ‘round the room
alone is nice now and then so i can forget to be grown
up     my eyes can’t see the sun but it’s there in orbit
           once more.

 

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30 Comments
  • Wisp

    "alone is nice now and then so i can forget to be grown
    up"
    I can't believe I didn't read this, because my gosh, just everything about it drips with this sort of nostalgic longing and it's just so relatable. Your lines are hecking brilliant and they are just iconic. Lovely lovely piece and I love how you paint such vivid images. Your imagery is always (and has always) been one of a kind and this is especially apparent, because you transform words into places and sights, and you turn them into memories that readers don't even realize they have. You craft so much, and you build up worlds so beautifully it is so hard to not get immersed. I'm just in love with this piece and I adore how you bring it to life and make me feel all these emotions with the distinct imagery.


    about 1 month ago
  • spectral

    tysm!! also haha i wasn't aware of being chosen for pick so when i logged on i was like 'where did all these people come from lol'


    2 months ago
  • boston

    re: thank you bb !! it means so much coming from you because your writing literally gives me life


    2 months ago
  • psithurism

    re: aww thanks, paisley! <3


    2 months ago
  • Caleb Urlacher

    re: niceeee. and thank you lol i finally got to put my graphic design experience to use


    2 months ago
  • rwong

    re: ohhhh nice! i dont think we have that class in our school but it sounds fun!!! yeaaa that kinda sucks like doing smth first semester and then taking the test in second...i think my brain has a system where its like after finals i promptly wipe it from my brain :D
    yepp im getting my second in like 3 weeks and they say the second one was worse side effects but i'll worry about that the day it comes hahaha
    also also dog walking is vvv exciting cause doggos :) and also i swear if i ever go to mn and find someone walking 2 goldendoodles i am going to freakily run up to them and ask if their name is ell. jk probably wont cause im super introverted in person (ik, doesnt seem like it when i vandalize your comments like 24/7) but seriously if i ever meet you by chance in person... just :o
    hope you're wonderful, too!!!! <3


    2 months ago
  • rwong

    re: ahhhh elll thank youuuuuu!!! you are far too sweet and i don’t deserve your praiseee fjsksndndnskd
    ooo yes congrats on finishing the AP!!! yes ik it’s vv annoying how grades don’t come out til july but whatever. what subject was it? anyway my days been pretty well, i just got my vaccine and now i’m waiting to see if i have any major side effects...so there’s that. but i’m pretty excited cause if i’m fully vaccinated then my family will consider traveling and i so want toooo.
    how bout you? did you do anything fun (other than the ap)?


    2 months ago
  • only_a_mirage (bird)

    re: no problem! lol our class discussions in SS always end in our teacher asking our unofficial group something like "you sounded as if the matter affects you in deep, emotional ways. do you want me to look up more sources for you?"


    2 months ago
  • rwong

    re: omg ell pls go take ur ap lol dont let me bother you!! oh and good luck!! (for the 2nd half, at least)!!


    2 months ago
  • rwong

    re: IKKKKK first official day of summer and i'm loving every moment aside from the fact that i need to get my vaccine and im nervous for the side effects but oh well haha also also more time to writeeee im kinda excited for that. good luck on the last 6 days of schoollll you can do it ell!!! enjoy every day cause i kinda wish i did but too late for that now oh well :/
    awww your french penpals sound so cuteeee ahhhhh yea ik the french program at our school does something similar but im taking spanish sooooo theReS tHaT haha
    have a lovely day, ell <3


    2 months ago
  • boston

    what i first noticed about this piece was the language, then the rhythm and the feeling. you achieved this balance between delicate and crashing in your tone (if that makes any sense) and it left me stunned and breathless. i think this piece could lend itself really well to spoken word, too. just a thought.
    then i reread it a few times. because it's so intricate and layered and i want to see everything you're trying to show me. here's what i see:
    -your tone is introspective, either reflecting the flow of thought pattern, or subconsciously written with such thought and depth because that's just how your brain works. which i relate to and really admire in literature.
    -a general theme i'm getting is a lack of control and efforts to regain it. in the first stanza, we're falling and spinning and hyper focused on specific details and we're trying to find patterns above us (this was one of my favorite parts) but everything keeps shirting there, too. then in stanza two there's this feeling of impermanence and failure paralleled between you and the flower (reminds me of the song aeroplane bathroom by gordi--especially love the word "undone" for some reason here). then in stanza three, both concepts of losing control and impermanence are brought together in the act of dying (damn). AND THIS:
    "when i’m bored i hold my breath and count the seconds before my body
    makes me breathe again. reminds me how i don’t want to die at least
    not yet."
    you're pulling at things inside of me that i don't want to acknowledge and that is true art!! this is blunt and beautiful and pained. and even as we're talking about death, it's really about life: you're reminding (or convincing?) yourself that you wanna be alive, you're moving and dancing and the living trees and air move with you. THEN:
    "alone is nice now and then so i can forget to be grown
    up"
    the fragility in this shakes me!! and i understand it completely!! and then everything comes full circle with the sun: saying that though you can't see it, you know it's there. a final resolution to all of the anxiety. now, you say that we're not gonna know and that's gonna have to be okay and I don't have to be forever spinning to get there.
    so well done. too well done.
    re: loll thank you! i'm glad you fixed it !!


    2 months ago
  • rwong

    re: ell guess whattttt??? today is my last day of school ahhhhh we had our last final this morning and im officially INNN SUMMMERRRR *cue olaf singing* (okay why'd i do that now i have frozen stuck in my head whyyyyyyy asdl;jfa) so yea and then chilling cause i must watch some yt after finals yk haha
    hbu--how was ur day??? when does your school year end? <3


    2 months ago
  • | rosi willard |

    re: ty ty

    YES, THE LAST ITERATION WAS TRASH, I'M SO MUCH HAPPIER WITH THIS ONE.


    2 months ago
  • Anne Blackwood

    Re: <3<3<3


    2 months ago
  • Ace of Hearts

    re: the funnest part about having no gender is all the ways I can express its lack :D I'm glad you're excited about the series! I have some Ideas and hopefully I can keep the inspiration going as summer approaches


    2 months ago
  • Ace of Hearts

    "when i’m bored i hold my breath and count the seconds before my body/makes me breathe again. reminds me how i don’t want to die at least/not yet" hits so hard because I do this all the time :') this piece is beautiful! thank you for stealing my breath


    2 months ago
  • mirkat

    blue. okay, reading this while listening to "visions of gideon"... and um. *collecting my being after it scattered across the floor and i bent down on my hands and knees to gether myself back up again* elliot, just the conversational tone and the emotion and the raw, raged edges... wehriodpsqkwjenhrjeiwoqpweirj thank you, seriously your writing is always a gift and i've learned to appreciate the writing even more because i'm starting to know the person behind the computer screen.
    re: my day has been okay... finishing up all my final projects. wednesday is my last day of school and thurs will be graduation and i have a week left of school so that's crazy... same old i guess. excited for camp, ill be gone bout a month and thats great and everything but um leaving wtw for that long?! yeah. well. hows ur morning going? (writing this late so ull see it tomorrow) <3<3<3


    2 months ago
  • abi's pov

    bruh this is wayy too good! all the imagery and js the emotion behind it - dude, how are you so talented? sending my love <3


    2 months ago
  • Yellow Sweater

    How is your poetry this amazing. I'm utterly star-struck as always!


    2 months ago
  • rwong

    omg ell what the hekkk "when i’m bored i hold my breath and count the seconds before my body / makes me breathe again. reminds me how i don’t want to die at least / not yet." who gave you the talent to write this well???? ITS SO BEAUTIFUL AND EMOTIONAL AND RAW BUT THE IMAGERY JUST JSKD:LFJSD:LFKJ you blow my mind ell, you really do.
    also i noticed your number of published pieces going down (ok that sounded creepy, i PROMISE im not like stalking how many pieces you have daily lol) but made me remember the book! how's it going so far? anyway have a great morning (when you see this, hopefully you're not up by now lol) and rest of your dayyyy <3 <3 shell


    2 months ago
  • Anne Blackwood

    Re: Heehee


    2 months ago
  • FantasyOtter12

    gorgeous imagery :)


    2 months ago
  • boston

    re: thank you so so much for your support and advice. i felt so moved by your encouragement and i appreciate you so much. i did talk to my mom, and we’re gonna work on some stuff together now.
    and thank you for telling me that i’m strong. that meant the world.


    2 months ago
  • Caleb Urlacher

    re: cool! let me know what you think of everything *insert thumbs up emoji*


    2 months ago
  • Anne Blackwood

    Re: Aw thanks heehe ^u^


    2 months ago
  • NewPoet

    You worded this so beautifully! I love it!


    2 months ago
  • sci-Fi

    "i wonder what’s wrong with being a little / undone after all here i am / laying on the floor again and i can’t find my sense of balance."
    i will never understand how you manage to say things so perfectly


    2 months ago
  • | rosi willard |

    re: oKAy oKAy i waS juSt makiNg sUre

    (side note: i think it's cool that you, pyrric and psithrium read this all together)


    2 months ago
  • | rosi willard |

    re:
    ..did you like it?


    2 months ago
  • beth r.

    the title i-
    "when i’m bored i hold my breath and count the seconds before my body
    makes me breathe again." don't mind me having an existential crisis, tho. like are we even real lol.


    2 months ago