Molly_

United Kingdom

16
She/her
Will fight you if you aren't kind to yourself.

There is nothing else remotely interesting about me that I could write here.
Erm.
No, that's literally it.

Message to Readers

I don't know why this happened, but I think I'm a little bit scared of goodbyes. I'm leaving school in... 10 days. In 10 days. That is disgusting. Anyway, when I leave, I'm losing people, and I don't particularly like that. So I think that this was an unintentional manifestation of my newly discovered abstract fear- endings.

Final Goodbyes

June 9, 2021

FREE WRITING

12
There’s no such thing as a final goodbye. 

Not when your tears dry wax carvings down your cheeks, not when the road splits and your life changes through no fault of your own. Certainly not when you lose someone. 
If goodbyes were so final, we would never say hello and every goodbye muttered would be said as though we meant it, and guess what? We rarely do.
 Life has a funny way of twisting your path to cross others’ again. Whether they be friends whose secrets still wait dutily to be scrawled across your grave, or enemies you swore to Lucifer when you were fifteen and now realise that maybe they weren’t quite the devil incarnate after all, just a kid. Perhaps your path will twine about your very first friend- the one you made promises with never to part, to never drift away (and then you did, and that’s okay, because that’s life): pledges to love each other unconditionally woven in childish words and grown-up hearts because they were your world. And then one day, that world was gone and you were left with nothing but a space where a goodbye would slot. 
Whoever you leave behind, you will find again. Or rather, they’ll find you. 
Maybe it’ll be someone you miss, or someone you loved but didn’t know it. Maybe it’ll be someone you loved and you knew it more than you could bear. 

(The kind of love when you carry your heart around in a box, and every time you see them, the lid creaks open and then you are vulnerable, so you slam it shut, and then you are hurt. The love that is just a bit rubbish but addictive. Like morphine that numbs the pain but infects the wound) 

As though it’s lined with thistle bushes and memories, your path will hurt you, and berate you, and love you, and confuse you, and get you lost far more times than you can ever dream to count, but its canny ability to take you where you need to be? It’s worth every heartache and every jubilation. 
Because there’s a magic woven in the fabric of the world that somehow knows who you need to see, who you need to rediscover. Those people will always be there, lounging about in the back of your heart where memories live, and when you need them or you wish upon a star, they’ll be back. The moment they pop into your head, your last goodbye merely preempted another meeting. 
That’s the beautiful curse of goodbyes; they promise another hello. 
Hellos are far more damaging than goodbyes because every hello is permanent. You can't Unmeet someone, however much you may want to: they’re tiled into your mosaic for life. Goodbye is just a different way to say ‘until next time’, because no one says a final goodbye, but ‘hello’ is a pact and a pact that runs deep. 
Saying goodbye isn’t half as poignant as one might think- the people you care most about never seem to get them. When you lose a friend, you never say goodbye before they waltz out of your life, you just let them go wandering away. And that is far more heartbreaking than goodbye because you know you’ll see them again and they won’t be who you want them to be, because they’ve changed and you don’t feel like you have (and they are thinking the exact same thing), and then it’s all a little bit scary. Goodbyes are a statement, an agreement that when you next meet, the party will have changed. It is then your responsibility to accept that. But leaving? Leaving is ambiguous- it leaves you with no place to stand. 

I believe that goodbyes are as temporary as they are final, and that they are what happens when life catches up with its missed deadlines. I believe that goodbye is a lie, and a cheat, and the most honest a person can be; that trusted goodbyes are said by shopkeepers, and saints, and teachers, and politicians, and you should never trust a single one of them. I believe that goodbyes are what happen when you leave with the intention to return, and if you have no intention to return, I believe you'll find one along the way in the form of a heart, or a china doll called Mary, or the moon on a Tuesday evening in Liverpool. I believe goodbyes are for the lovers and the haters and the fighters, and that goodbyes don't discredit the little girls with plastic swords and the little boys with flower crowns in birdsong and fields. I believe a goodbye is only finished on a deathbed, and that on a deathbed no goodbye is final because death is not the end, but the beginning of something new and unexplored to which we are yet to say hello. 
But most of all, I believe goodbyes are what I deserve, and goodbyes are what I don't want, not one bit. 

So, until my final goodbye is thwarted again, I will say hello to everybody I can, and love as much as I dare, and dare as much as I ought to be loved. 

I shall never fear goodbyes. 
They never last. 

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  • June 9, 2021 - 6:21am (Now Viewing)

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4 Comments
  • Katie Fullerton

    This is beautiful. I am near tears.


    24 days ago
  • Stone of Jade

    Not when your tears dry wax carvings down your cheeks, not when the road splits and your life changes through no fault of your own./ Like morphine that numbs the pain but infects the wound) / So, until my final goodbye is thwarted again, I will say hello to everybody I can, and love as much as I dare, and dare as much as I ought to be loved.

    I had to stop myself from just copy and pasting every line into this comment. this is so so beautiful. but i think describing it as beautiful is an understatement. i cant explain how perfectly written this is. tone, phrase, every line hits so deep. this...speaks volumes. you need to save this or submit it or something because my word this is a masterpiece.
    i am also very jealous you only have ten days left of school...i got five weeks left :/


    30 days ago
  • Yellow Sweater

    "That’s the beautiful curse of goodbyes; they promise another hello."- Ahh! Brilliant! Goodness, this is so profound. I don't know how you do it. I also have my final day of high school in about ten days. You definitely inspired me to write a piece on goodbyes.


    about 1 month ago
  • ~wildflower~

    Ohhhhhhh my goooshhhhhh, I do not have the words to describe how much I love this piece. Like, I reeeeaaaallllyyyy REALLLY love it. There is no way I could choose a favourite line because every single sentence is just so profound. I love the conversational tone of the piece, yet the deep meaning it conveys. And the abstract sense of the piece on its one is breathtaking, but it was accentuated in a truely powerful and beautiful way by the little grounding details you scattered throughout it. I found this one to be particularly wondrous: “ I believe you'll find one along the way in the form of a heart, or a china doll called Mary, or the moon on a Tuesday evening in Liverpool. ” This piece is AMAZING and I am truely blown away not only by your depth of thinking but your utterly beautiful and incredibly engaging writing style. Ok, now you’ll have to excuse me so that I can read this piece again....


    about 1 month ago