infp-a | 4w5

Message from Writer

"i am made of memories."
-madeline miller, the song of achilles

“for victory is victory, however small, nor is its worth only from what follows from it.”
-j.r.r. tolkien, the children of húrin

"he was determined to discover the underlying logic behind the universe.
which was going to be hard, because there wasn't one.”
-terry pratchett, mort

crystalline galaxies

May 7, 2021


beep. beep. beep.

reboot the systems / try to get a connection / do you have one yet? / no, i don't / come on, you've got to have something / i don't, commander, i'm sorry / well try again, we can't die out here today / i wish i told my son goodbye / don't talk like that, we've got to get this back up / can you help me? / you're not the only one with a family out there / i was going to propose to my girlfriend when i got back, wish i could send her a kiss right about now / what did i say about talking like that? now if you don't help get this spacecraft back up and running, then we're going to just throw you out into the atmosphere and leave you there / alright, sorry commander / do we have a signal? / no we don't, dammit, i'd tell you if i got a reading / well hurry up then, oxygen's running low / i-i can't do this, commander / this is not the time to panic, do you hear me? / but i don't belong here, i belong back on earth / so do we all; we're humans, aren't we? now stop feeling sorry for yourself and pull your weight 


come on, why aren't you doing anything? / i've been trying, it's just not working / not an excuse / it has to work / shut up and help me up here / if we're gonna die, maybe we should try to keep something intact just in case someone finds it? / this is not an episode of red dwarf, nor is it time for jokes; get your butt over here and help / we're losing it / control is gone / save the oxygen, save the oxygen / fix it now / i don't know how / just do it / we're gonna die, oh my gosh we're gonna die / with that attitude, maybe / come on, there's still time 


this is it / we're doomed / the system's gonna go down any second now, say your prayers / commander, what do we do? / commander? / commander? / i think he's fainted / we're dead, oh my god we're so dead / just hang on, maybe there's still something we can do / like what? we're out of options here, just accept the fact that you're gonna die out here miles from earth / my son was due to be born yesterday; i hope my wife tells him good things about me / i'm sure she will / i wonder if anyone will remember us when we're gone / i never got to say goodbye to my grandfather, he was on his deathbed / i never got to say goodbye to my sister / my aunt / my teacher / my best friend / who do you wish you could've said goodbye to, t? / hey, t? / you there?


i hear them calling my name, though i refuse to respond. the window is much more interesting, anyway. i've always felt like i would be one with the stars someday, and here i am. there's a certain comfort in dying among the only friends you've had. they're asking me who i wish i could've said goodbye to, but earth hurt me too much to miss. while i was there, i spent all of my time looking up at the sky and talking to the milky way. it spoke back, but not in words; its twinkling was a code that only we knew, a blanket of security and understanding that covered me and protected me from the monsters living next door. i once dreamt of a sea of stars that tumbled out of the sky and into the waiting palms of someone who needed them. wish. did i know that i was that person then? i think that i did, somehow. a liberating land of azure oblivion. i dreamt, symphonies of colours swirling around my head, of a city behind the stars. i'm there now, and it feels like home. this is where i have belonged my whole life. the definitions and confinements of earth seem pitiful now, miles away on a planet that is destroying itself from the inside out. the stars never corrupt. i have always admired their crystal-clear truthfulness, and they are akin to gems in my mind.  

the oxygen is running out, and somehow, i don't feel scared. i close my eyes and then my soul is floating away; away from the cries of the crew behind me, away from the space station still holding on to humanity, away from the body that i had had for years. it soars through the window, seeking its spot in the universe. with a certainty it had never known before, it finds its place. 

what are you known by? what do they all call you?

you need a title. the universe requires it; once you're a part of it, you need a name.

we all have one. 

so what is it?


i am crystalline galaxies.
not everyone belongs where they began.


See History
  • May 7, 2021 - 3:16pm (Now Viewing)

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  • mirkat

    tuffy! from the footnotes to the beeeeps and the italics and um wow i-- i. so intense and and human and emotional that's what your poetry always is tho, human. genuine. the loss and the panic and the moments of regret and um this is a play, a movie and then the end, the end. like wisp, almost calm-- out beyond the clarity of panic, excepting. and then the way u tie it to urself and um masterrrrrpieceeee tuffffyyyy. always in awe. <3<3<3

    28 days ago
  • Wisp

    OH MY GOSH THAT TIE BACK!!! The fact you mentioned "city behind the stars" like a tie back to one of your first pieces!! That full circle just made this piece illuminate even more and it created such a vividness to that unitalicized section. But oh my goodness hon! This whole piece is just stunning! I mean the italicized parts are just so intense and so emotional and then the way you offset it with the beeps in between, that was simply brilliant. You show the fragility of life in this piece and it shines so so brightly, just every single bit of it. And that ending!! It was so calming, fitting perfectly within the rest of the piece, I mean it just makes this piece so much more exhilarating. I mean the italicized parts signify the desperation for life, of clinging onto the one painful thing that brings comfort, because at the end of the day, no one wants to die after all. But that ending just signified the acceptance of it all, the acceptance of letting go and there was a sense of peace in that, a sense of belonging in that. I adore this piece, and the way it has such deeper meaning undertoning it highlights the message so beautifully.

    30 days ago
  • Paisley Blue

    for you, fair lilac, stanza five; for words that leave me breathless and poetry that makes me feel, once more, as if i can breathe!

    about 1 month ago
  • Rohan’s Defender (Semi-Active)

    Ps. And I’m here if you ever need a friend, okay?

    about 1 month ago
  • Rohan’s Defender (Semi-Active)

    Re: aww, thank you! Hope you’re having a good day.

    about 1 month ago
  • Paisley Blue

    re: ahaha yeah romeo and juliet for english classsss... sounds cliche but honestly i'm loving reading it :) and of COURSE i like it i don't think it's even a POSSIBILITY for me to not be obsessed with your writing! :D

    about 1 month ago
  • psithurism

    i just reread this and... wow. "what are you known by? what do they all call you?" you've stolen the words from my lips and the air from my lungs. magnificent.

    about 1 month ago
  • (sk)eyesofocher

    actual perfection. I love it os so so so much.

    about 1 month ago
  • Anne Blackwood

    Um, wow. Marvelous.

    about 1 month ago
  • rwong

    omg okay tuffy i read this last night but i didnt wanna comment just yet (somehow i didn't like it either though??) because i really wanted to be able to read it while my brain was working. just reread and and dang did this leave me breathless. the way you let your reader travel into the story, the way you conveyed a sense of urgency, just the whole thing ugh its so beautiful and i'm at a loss for words. but i really love it and also that footnote--i know everyone else said this but seriously it's lovely and deep and gorgeous just asdf;ljasf;lkj ahhhhhhhhhh

    about 1 month ago
  • journal.scribbles

    Wow. This. is. so. good. I couldn't tear myself away from it. It made me... appreciate life more? Idk, it's hard to describe how this made me feel. The formatting made it feel so intense and raw and real. Just wow, super well-written. And the footnote is so deep.

    about 1 month ago
  • vastexpansion

    re: I'm so glad you found peace in reading my poem. It's been really hard to wake up most mornings, especially with all that's been happening in the world. I find that the mindset of "we are in this together" really helps me have a brighter outlook on everything I do. My heart is warmed knowing that you were impacted by my work :) Hope you have a lovely day.

    about 1 month ago
  • Paisley Blue

    re: thanks, i'm really glad you liked my poem :) it came out of nowhere tbh!! <3

    about 1 month ago
  • Paisley Blue

    ohhh myy..... tuffy. wow. this left me absolutely breathless -- i feel as if i want to cry and yet it leaves me with such a sense of peace that i can't. wow i- i don't know what to say? this is beautiful ,this is beautiful, this is beautiful. wow, i... wow.

    about 1 month ago
  • Rohan’s Defender (Semi-Active)

    Re: hey!! It’s so nice to hear from you! I’m well, thank you. How are you? Thanks so much for checking in!

    about 1 month ago
  • PouringOutTheSun

    i read this piece this morning and it made me get out a of bed late because i had to finish it and then i had to think about it for a little while. coming back now, because i just wanted to say, it’s so lovely. truly, and i was already thinking that but then ur footnote u said “not everyone belongs where they began” and !!!! and that’s gorgeous! it really made the whole piece, brought it altogether and i was a goner. how could i not love it? also the bit about it being a name origin story? phenomenal :,)

    about 1 month ago