silent.perspective

United States

if you could write out your thoughts without anyone knowing who you are... what would you say? This profile is everything I would say.
she/her
sd: 4/27/21

Message to Readers

I promise I am okay, this is just a place of expression :)

dear depression,

April 30, 2021

FREE WRITING

10
When I was younger I used to dread falling asleep
because as I grew tired, a fear grew too
of the demons behind my droopy eyelids
and the killers in my head.
I would toss and turn
as vivid imagery fluttered in the dark behind my eyes.
Men climbing through my window
standing over me in my bed
and id play through the scenario
of what to do before I was dead.
But now I am more fearful of the world when I am awake
when everything seems bright.
And its funny, how fears change.
We go from being scared of classmates throwing up 
to wanting our lives focused around practicing medicine,
from small bodies afraid of big dogs to house owners with two running though the backyard.
I don't even remember the last day I woke up without fear,
without anxiety of what the next 18 hours entailed.
Everything can go exactly the way I want it to, or sometimes even better,
but as the sun sets I find myself becoming that little girl again.
That girl whos pain sunk it at night,
but that little girl believed that because she felt that way... 
that nights were what was evil.
And the sadness stains like thick black ink on paper,
I can no longer read the pages.
The smiles and laughs have become a method of overcompensating.
The giggles and jokes tend to be less of a reflection of my feelings,
but more of a reaction.
Because I feel obligated to comfort others.
And like a robot, the programmed response is "I'm good." 
I silence myself because there is nothing worth saying,
because my pain isn't only harming me
but the people I love.
and i hate you for that.
xoxo, me 

 

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  • April 30, 2021 - 2:47pm (Now Viewing)

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6 Comments
  • voices.in.her.head

    I really love how this is so soulful yet simple. I think a lot of people feel this way but you've articulated it beautifully.


    13 days ago
  • Yes_iKnowimShort

    Re: No problem! :D


    13 days ago
  • Jason_claire :)

    This is like a very large drawing with tons of secret beautiful scenes inside waiting to be seen.


    13 days ago
  • vastexpansion

    this is so beautifully written. it's funny cus i could literally just text you about how i liked this poem but this way feels so much cooler. anyways, loved this poem


    13 days ago
  • Yes_iKnowimShort

    this... is perfect


    13 days ago
  • domain.expansion

    The writing is a masterpiece


    13 days ago