BirdofPrey

United States

Bookworm
Poet
Bi
Homophobes stay out plz!
Griffyndor
Athena cabin
Aries
Proud weirdo
She/Them
HUGE Rick Riordan fan
especially Heroes of Olympus and Lightning Thief
Aspiring attorney and falcon trainer
plz follow
and send me waffles ;)

Message from Writer

Hii im back!!! Have a great day and go say hi to my friends & lunch buddies mirkat (em) and sci-Fi!!! Irl friends with high horizons!!!

Dear anxiety

April 20, 2021

FREE WRITING

1
Dear anxiety, 
    I hate you. I really do. You have filled my life with uncertainty and terror ever since I was four. I have a hard time even remembering a time without you. I wish you would go away, but is that to much to hope for? You have been my constant companion, my almost-friend when I self isolate so nobody sees inside my head. You comfort me and terrify me all at once and you come back for more of me each time. Why must you plague me so?
    I especially don't like it when you have your friend, ocd, over. You always invite him in without permission, and it needs to stop. He brings out the worst in you, in us. He always leaves notes for me to see, like the one time he had me stuck doing a ritual over and over and over for five minutes so my family wouldn't die. He never cleans up his mess and just leaves it there, oozing through the wrinkles in my brain. He tapes thoughts to the wall and only when I try to take them down do I realize they are superglued. Then you come in, whispering in my ear and squirming through my mind.
    Anxiety, you take from me and never give anything back. Once I reached ten I didn't know I had more to give, so you reminded me by taking and taking. You hollowed me out and there is always more, just as Prometheus healed after the eagle gorged upon him. You are the eagle, anxiety. You are the eagle who constantly eats away at my sanity, my patience, my mind. You and ocd constantly remind me that you are the only ones who truly see me, and you are right. Your presence is so common in my head that you have tricked my mind into letting you in every time. The door opens to you even at 3:00am when I am trying to go back to sleep. You and your friend make me touch hot skillets and waffle makers, and stick me in a state of mind where I panic so much I forget where I am. You are my greatest enemy and yet my best friend. At least, that's what you tricked my mind into thinking. You are the only one who is there for me because you are the only one who knows me, and I keep coming back to you every time you send me away. Every exposure therapy, every night I forget to meditate or take melatonin, every time I try to sleep in a comfortable position you always make me sleep with my face to the window or closet, just in case. When I was little, you made me sleep all the way under the covers when I didn't know you needed an air hole. You could've killed me in the night when I closed them so tight the air was stale. Dip my fingers into boiling water, touch the toaster oven, even it out over and over and over and over until your mom is yelling at you from downstairs to hurry up, and then a little more. Always just a little more. It's never just a little more.
From, Bird
(i dont touch hot things or boiling water for long enough to get seriously hurt, dont worry)

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  • April 20, 2021 - 11:18am (Now Viewing)

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1 Comment
  • high horizons

    I loved your writing so much, it really touched my heart! I felt I was able to understand something that is so foreign to me on such a deep level. You words played with my heartstring and they have surrendered unable to play the game. Really, your work was so good, that I wished it never ended. (so glad that you did not get hurt, because that would be devastating).


    14 days ago