Below, you'll see any text that was highlighted with comments from the reviewer.
Message to Readers
Something I want to know about my piece is: Is the piece engaging to the reader? Also any other feedback that the reader feels is appropriate.
As a whole, I really feel for this girl obviously! It's so sad how nobody helps her, and how she's left to struggle by herself and mourn her old life. What's even sadder is that this does happen in real life with people enduring mental illness and trauma. At the end, I say it in the next part lol
I reallllyyyy like the last line, it was kind of a surprise! It shook me, but I enjoyed it.
I think that you could get more experimental with your punctuation, line breaks, and use of italics and bold letters. You have a great extended metaphor, this entire situation symbolizing something else that's happening. You nailed that!
You have a great first draft. As you go on write the world more and more, you'll really improve. You're already great! I think finding new vocabulary words to improve your diction would elevate this piece so much!
I hope my edits and suggestions are helpful. I really enjoyed reading this piece and I think that you have so much potential with it. If you ever need a friend on WTW, I'm here! Have a lovely day! :)