Peer Review by Sophiascb (United States)

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The Monster

By: Layla Snow

It might look like a normal house
But there's a girl inside
Who's inwardly screaming to be let out
Into the world she left behind.

All her friends and all her foes,
Everyone she knew,
Knew nothing of her woes,
Or of anything she went through.

She desperately seeks companionship
In her lonely, misunderstood world,
And all alone in the darkness
She doesn't realize she's a pearl.

Instead she sits alone in fear
Of what next could come through the door.
It causes her to shed a tear
For the world she knew before.

She longs to be set free from
The chains that keep her there,
But instead she bears the pain with ease.
Does anyone care?

Will none of you help her?
For all you know, you could be next
In the darkness alone and lonely,
Utterly bereft.

Screaming and banging on the doors 
With no one who can hear you,
LIstening to the inward roars
Of the monster you didn't know was inside you.

Message to Readers

Something I want to know about my piece is: Is the piece engaging to the reader? Also any other feedback that the reader feels is appropriate.

Peer Review

As a whole, I really feel for this girl obviously! It's so sad how nobody helps her, and how she's left to struggle by herself and mourn her old life. What's even sadder is that this does happen in real life with people enduring mental illness and trauma. At the end, I say it in the next part lol

I reallllyyyy like the last line, it was kind of a surprise! It shook me, but I enjoyed it.

I think that you could get more experimental with your punctuation, line breaks, and use of italics and bold letters. You have a great extended metaphor, this entire situation symbolizing something else that's happening. You nailed that!

You have a great first draft. As you go on write the world more and more, you'll really improve. You're already great! I think finding new vocabulary words to improve your diction would elevate this piece so much!

Reviewer Comments

I hope my edits and suggestions are helpful. I really enjoyed reading this piece and I think that you have so much potential with it. If you ever need a friend on WTW, I'm here! Have a lovely day! :)