Jay Shortz

United States

INTP-T
Christian
I love writing, reading, gaming, running, and debating. I just want to improve my writing skills and hopefully make new connections along the way.

Message to Readers

Bonus points to anyone that catches the double, not that it's hiddeb well but still. I'm gonna try to do a better one. Just trying expanding my writing so please let me know what you think! Thanks and have a good one!

Dancing in the Darkness

April 16, 2021

FREE WRITING

4
Gunshots ring


Jamming
To the beat
To the scene
Fix it now before it bleeds
Picking up the princess,
Spinning her into abyss,
Taunting her with bliss,
The flashing lights come kiss
Take the lead and do not miss  

Aiming high above her wrist 
Feeling her body shift,
Moving prepared to lift,
Off the ground to be let down
The whole town stops to frown  

Is it jealousy
Is it morticy 
There is so much more to see
Then the mortified glances 
From eyes hidden behind fences  

It's just her looking so fair
Laid to rest with oh such care 

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  • April 16, 2021 - 6:22am (Now Viewing)

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2 Comments
  • Nyla

    RE: Oh nice, yeah I don’t really listen to rap either because most of it is really profane lol. Hahah, tell me why when you said MacDonald, I thought you said McDonalds! Yeah! And yeah, definitely only God can really decide that.

    Ooh ok, on to your little points
    Haha so one tiny thing, it wasn’t Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) who commanded modesty, it was God (of course, you don’t think that, but that’s what Muslims believe). I think most religions commanded modesty and Mary, mother of Jesus (as) (that just means may be peace be on him) actually wore a scarf! Women actually aren’t commanded to be more modest than men, they’re both told to be modest. Men were told to be modest before women in the Quran! My Caliph covers his hair, and men are instructed to when they pray (hence the little prayer hats you may see in movies or something). Plus most Muslim men don’t wear shorts and they should never be shirtless (I’ve never seen any at least haha). And yeah, so here comes the whole thing that you can’t judge (I know that’s a harsh word but I can’t think of any other that mean the same thing) a religion based on the average person following it, you have to look to the actual text and more pious people because humans of course err off the straight path all the time. Wearing simple makeup is unfortunately part of looking respectable in contemporary society and if it isn’t attention getting then there’s nothing wrong with it. In fact, when you wear lipstick, no men (other than your relations) are supposed to see it so even when going from a car to a wedding hall, women will use their scarf or their hand to cover their mouth. Then of course you have even more piety which is wearing a niqab in which you only show your eyes. That is actually being banned in some Western countries now (literally the stupidest thing ever to ban). But yeah, definitely there will always be people who pick and choose teachings even though that’s not right (such as wearing attention getting makeup that definitely- you’re right- contradicts the purpose and isn’t Islamic teachings). I hope that kind of answered your question but if you have any more questions or things you don’t really understand (or want further clarification), I’d love to answer them :) And yeah, likewise.

    Oh cool! I just searched that site up and haha, it literally says the topics are controversial lol! And cool, that’s so interesting!


    5 months ago
  • Nyla

    Ooh, I like the way this flows with specific sounds repeated like "princess" "abyss" and "bliss" And I like how you call this character "princess" but then say she's going to an "abyss" because generally, you wouldn't think a princess would be going somewhere so evil. That kind of makes me think this is like a gangster princess or something haha. I like how you started this poem off from the beginning and "eyes hidden behind fences" was ooh, idk I just like that wording. One question, what does "morticy" mean? I searched it up but couldn't find a definition! Also, since you're looking to expand your writing, something I just tried out with the Elements of Craft writing group on this site was experimenting with using punctuation in poetry. It's something I've always steered away from (for no real reason haha) but it's supposed to help with where you might want breaks in the poem. So for example, if you wanted the reader to take a break after "Gunshots ring" you could add a period. That's completely stylistic and there's nothing wrong with this poem at all- it just might be something fun to try in future!

    RE: Aww thank you so much! I’m so glad you liked it! And haha, I’ve written like random parts of tons of different scenes and then just never continue them but maybe I will!
    No worries and oooh nice! Thank you! And haha yeah- those weird questions that really could be debated either way are so much fun but haha (idk if you do debates in school?) they always have the greatest potential to go super off track! And yeah definitely! Ah debating is so much fun- I’m just terrible at the technicalities cause my teacher does not teach us any of them (I’m not even lying when I say he showed up to this super preppy private school for a tournament in multicolour crocs haha).


    5 months ago