Nyla

Canada

15
She/her

Message to Readers

Just a random scene I thought of- might add on to later so any feedback is appreciated :)

Drowning in a sea of meaning

April 19, 2021

FREE WRITING

15
Walking along the rough path, the honking of cars and taxis fades away as my mind focuses elsewhere. A pedestrian on my left bumps into me, pushing my shoulder backward; the same happens on my right. Again and again, I am pushed backward through a sea of meaning and I am drowning. Nobody gifted me a lifejacket and there's no life ring being tossed out to me. No hope for my hands to grab at and get burnt on as I pull at the fiber strands with urgency. The normal aroma of pastries doused in cinnamon and heat is replaced by the pungent smell of rotting meat by the butchers in front of me. With pig blood-covered hands, a man exits the building to discard some unnecessary parts of an animal. I see an eye-poking out of the clear plastic bag, staring at me, screaming for me. Head pounding like the swaying pendulum of the clock standing in front of me, I fall to my knees in the middle of the road, hands encapsulating my ears like two wads of spitballs. Head bowed, out of the corner of my eye I see the water reserve in the distance, it had just been resuscitated from its pre-war life. The scent of sweaty construction workers eating fast food lunches still lingers. Great big support beams crisscross in a show of strength and feat of architecture. The sun glints off the metal, scorching any who dare to touch it. The paint looks brand new but paint is only a facade. It creaks in the breeze and suddenly, a support beam falls.

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34 Comments
  • Jay Shortz

    Re: Thanks lol, most of my influence comes from NF, Tom MacDonald, and a very miniscule portion of rappers, as in I hate most rap but several of these artists' works are a perfect example of poetry in music. Exactly! We all have positive and negative voices, to me both are important. You can't be perfect so you need to understand your flaws and use them so they don't get used against you, that's when you become dangerous (in a good way... for you). Thank you! That is so true, not that I have the right to say who is and isn't Christian, but many do not follow any Christian values or even go against basic things that literally every denomination agrees on. I think we agree on a lot more than not, but I also like to study all religions. For one, I never really understood the hijab. Mohammad, whose teachings I respect just not to as high of a degree, wanted everyone to dress modestly but I don't believe he ever wanted women to be even more modest than men. Besides that, it seems many women, though wearing a hijab, still wear various cosmetics and jewelry that seem to counter the whole point of the hijab. Not that these things are wrong, but it seemingly defeats any spiritual, religious or moral value. That being said I don't look down on you or anyone else for following these values, I just don't understand them myself. Ohhhh yeah, I watch a lot of debates on debate.org, it's huge but there are a few good debaters. Also I use the app Heatic, they use a lot of broken English but it's a small group, mostly open minded and respectable intellectuals from various backgrounds and beliefs.


    5 months ago
  • Odysseus

    RE: Thanks so much for your comment! I was hoping someone would enjoy my reference. (Did you catch THAT reference?)


    5 months ago
  • psithurism

    re: You're welcome, lol.


    5 months ago
  • resident philocalist

    re: LMAO that's hilarious. what the heck, how can they not ship peraltiago??!! that's insaneeeee.... i think im a mix of jake and rosa, because im silly and dont like work but i get violent and use percussive maintenance as my first instinct lol


    5 months ago
  • barelybear

    Re: yes don’t worry haha. In a bit I’m gonna be off more than usual, because exams agh. But for now...
    YES! I saw your punctuation piece and I thought it was incredibleeee (like really is there nothing you can’t do??) also kudos for trying something that scared you, and especially for coming out with that at the end!! I really loved how the brackets and wonky rhythms added to the questioning, flow-of-thought feeling. My favourite bit was the image of throwing ink into the flame and only believing what is in front. It was really vivid, and especially with the afterthought of ego, it made me think about how so often we assume our paths are the best, and the most righteous, without even knowing any other way.

    Yeah we have exams in everything too, but if there’s coursework, there’s less weight on the exam part of the grade. Like I’m pretty sure drama is something like 40% based on the exam, which is really great.
    I’ve been playing piano since I was a little kid, and I really love it! And a couple of years ago I started double bass because it was “The easiest instrument to learn that could be played in an orchestra” (according to the music teacher at school haha - she wasn’t wrong ;P). I think like dance and art and pretty much everything, being good comes with practice. So if you ever feel the urge, just give it a go and don’t let others get you down for starting and being rubbish at the beginning hehe. Wait unless you already have started?? Do you play an instrument? (Then keep going!!)

    Agh it’s when I can’t remember what you’re replying to and you just say “No” that I completely crack up :D
    Extra ominous haha

    Yesss crude is a good word to describe it. I was kinda just uncomfortable watching, and for a fun sitcom, that’s not really where I wanna be ahah. I might take your advice and try s3 of the American one then hmm
    Hah! You can’t beat fireworks combined with Disney c:
    Yesss platform 9 and 3/4! I don’t think I’ve actually been ahah, but it’s on the bucket list for when I do a full tourist sweep of London when I’m older.

    Ah Nyla don’t cry over frog face c:
    I completely get that yeah hehe
    Still benedict cumberpatch though lol

    Oh I get it now haha! Chocolate is a great universal subject. I’m glad to see you’re taking the liberal stance and respecting all flavours and kinds of chocolate. It’s a shame that I can’t be that kind of person, but I’ll have to eat extra dark chocolate to make up for it?? ;-;

    Awh you are so cute!! I’ll do my best :D
    You too, and hope you have a good few days if the replies don’t flow so much <3
    Ellie


    5 months ago
  • barelybear

    WOAH. Woah. Woahhhhhh!
    Sheish there’s so much to say about this!! You have a ton of imagery and all the metaphors link so well together! I love the part about drowning, where you said “Nobody gifted me a life jacket” and how you carried that similar message to the end where the “Support beam falls.” Stunning!!
    And the way you wrap your words round your tone and personality is so great :D
    Like when you said “Screaming for me.” The subtle changes make the piece hit that much harder
    Re: ahhh thank you!! I would be the swaggiest rapper of all time :D Ah the result of being over dramatic, in love with rhyme schemes and going through a quarantine. Aw thanks yeah I got myself through it, and I think it just boosted my energy once it was over.
    Hope you’re having a great day!!
    Ellie <3


    5 months ago
  • Cressa Roberts

    re: Thank you! I've been unable to come up with a poem in a very long time! I just got back on and wrote the first thing that came to mind! Thank you so much!


    5 months ago
  • kathryn siena

    re: ahhh thank you so much!


    5 months ago
  • Avril

    Haha wait I think we both just commented on each other's pieces at like the exact same time. That's really funny XD. And re: thanks! And I know right?? Why don't we live in Africa?


    5 months ago
  • Avril

    Re: no that's not boring, that's cool! I was born in southern Ontario (that's where my parents are from) but now I live in Manitoba. It's very cold here and utterly flat...I don't recommend it haha. Also it's such a big difference from southern ontario because there is truly only one city in the entire province and then just a bunch of small towns. In Ontario I remember you could drive for hours and always be in the city!


    5 months ago
  • V-Rose

    Re: Mostly I just start something and people tell me to keep writing it and after a while, I get interested. And then I realize nothing's gonna happen unless I make it happen! And then I start writing... and pray I get to the end.


    5 months ago
  • SamRose

    Re: Tysm! <3


    5 months ago
  • SamRose

    K, it's time for the 3rd round of the Peer Review Group! Just let me know in the comments of my most recent piece what 1-3 pieces you would like reviewed! If you don't have any, just find any piece by anyone on WtW that is seeking a peer review and give me the link to that instead! If reviewing two pieces seems a little daunting at the moment, just let me know if you would like to skip this round. I think as it gets closer to the end of the school year we should probably have that be an option so we can make sure all the reviews get done. :) Tysm in advance!


    5 months ago
  • resident philocalist

    re: YES IT IS AMY SHE IS THE BEST ALSJBDLDUJ I LOVE BROOKLYN 99


    5 months ago
  • Zirong

    oh my this is incredible. The imagery is just perfect, and the ending...omg.
    Also, "The paint looks brand new but paint is only a facade" reminds me of the paint in The Teapot -- so the paint is also a symbol for deception?
    And I forgot to mention in my last comment that the "teapot" must be a symbolism as well -- I guess in your piece it is a vessel for darkness?

    I just realised that I didn't reply to two of your earlier comments omg so sorry(have been busy for a while) I'm so happy that you like my song awww. Looking forward to hearing from you!


    5 months ago
  • psithurism

    re: Okay, so it won't let me comment on the piece you asked me to check out, because I'm not in the group, but I think you did a wonderful job! It was a truly beautiful read and I honestly can't think of any suggestions. Amazing job Nyla! :)


    5 months ago
  • Ramses IV

    re: Thank you so much! I'm glad you liked it :)


    5 months ago
  • psithurism

    re: I would love to check our your new piece, but I can't seem to find it. Did you unpublish it? Also, ajbwifbwib thank you SO much oh my goodness i am so honored that you would go to me for advice ahh, that's just unbelievable to me. :D


    5 months ago
  • McK13

    Oh my goodness! This is so descriptive and I love all of the imagery! You do such a great job at intriguing readers with the first few lines and then make it feel as if we are being transported to this busy city, living this crazy life. This is a perfect example of your amazing descriptive skill, too! I love the lines, "Again and again, I am pushed backward through a sea of meaning and I am drowning. Nobody gifted me a lifejacket and there's no life ring being tossed out to me" because although it feels sad and hopeless, it's also very thought-provoking. Re: Thank you so so much! I'm so glad that you liked this version better (yayayayay!!) Of course! Yeah, definitely seem like they would be. (Side note: In my English class, we practiced this "blackout" poetry which is actually really interesting and cool even though it was very challenging! Basically, you take a book page/article and use the words on the paper to write a poem but they have to go in the order they appear, and then you use a Sharpie to "blackout" all of the other words. You can also create visual details like drawings, various colors, etc. Anyways, this is a long side note lol!) Aww, thanks -- I wanted to switch it up so I found this really cool basketball hoop photo and loved the colors so I'm really glad you liked it :) Yes, that's very true that sometimes you have to cut out details so the main idea comes across better. Okay, I'll try to this weekend -- aww you're so kind! You're way too sweet btw! hahaha!! Lol -- awesome for a fortune cookie! Yes, me too -- so empowering! Okay, well I only have like today or so to do it so it might not work out but I'm going to try to :) And yes, practice definitely improves writing and I can tell that I'm getting better too especially when I look back on pieces I wrote almost two years ago! You're also improving so much though all of your pieces are incredible! Well, okay maybe it would take a long time but eventually, you would get there and be so happy and relieved :) Yes, you totally should try it sometime -- it's soooo delicious!! Oh, okay that makes sense, yeah we just have it combined altogether. Aww, thanks!! And I meant to say athletics instead of academics (clearly I was super tired when I was writing this because I also spelled Life Skills wrong and other things too lol!) Yes, they're so much fun! Alright, maybe but it depends on the strength of the wind too I think hahaha lol! Aww see what I mean, you are so sweet, too sweet for saying that!!! Yeah, that makes sense, I'm actually probably more of an afternoon person like 12-4pm because those are my most productive hours lol! Yes, totally -- that's a perfect plan!! Hmm...I would rather be a frog because well first there's Princess and the Frog (haha lol!) and I could live in water and on land. How about you? And would you rather spend 24 hours with ancestors of yours from the past or descendants of yours in the future?


    5 months ago
  • Lizzie R

    Re: Yeah, it's just when it's rewritten from another perspective. Thank you!! Omg you're literally so kind, I appreciate it! I'm so glad you were able to sing it and it made sense! I was really worried it was skipping around too much and it didn't sound good. You're amazing!!


    5 months ago
  • Lizzie R

    Re: Omg I didn't even notice I had rhymed ahaha. Awww thank you so much, it means so much more than you know. As soon as I'm allowed to get social media I will make sure to let you know! Ahhh thank youuuu!!! You're so nice! I will definitely start singing more of them :)


    5 months ago
  • psithurism

    re: Ahh tysm, you are so sweet, oh my goodness. <3 Oh yeah, it isn't really a well known word. I'm honestly not surprised though, because google always says my (real life) name isn't a word, so that's annoying! XD


    5 months ago
  • Lizzie R

    Omg, this is so clear and beautiful. I can picture this entire scene so clearly. It's like I'm there and that's exactly what makes writing and reading so amazing. You're transported to a whole other world. You did amazing. Thank you for sharing this Nyla because seriously this is incredible.

    Re: Thank you so much omg it means the world to me!! You're so kind and I'm so glad you liked it. My allergies were really bad yesterday when I recorded that and I didn't listen to it before posting it so I'm glad it wasn't terrible. Thank you so so much darling :)


    5 months ago
  • psithurism

    Oh. My. Goodness. I felt like I was there the entire time, as if I had been thrust into a movie. Fantastic job Nyla!
    re: Aww thank you so much, and yeah, it is a scary feeling. :)


    5 months ago
  • Jay Shortz

    Wow, the detail here is amazing, really. I sure hope it's a teaser! You start with a simple relatable scene and add more and more complex aspects of the scene, plus nice use of a broad vocabulary, that really keeps it interesting.
    Re: Thank you I definitely see what you mean. I know but all feedback helps and reviews are especially helpful. Maybe I'll take a raincheck on that if I can, I'm working on a few big pieces with new styles and such, and same to you if there's any piece you'd like a review on let me know. AWESOME!!! I love just discussing fundamentals, everyone always has a different and interesting perspective and it's so cool to share and learn that way, especially when there's no clear right or wrong answer so you just build objectively off important thoughts and conjecture. Even more set in stone concepts have fun gray areas.


    5 months ago
  • BizzleWrites

    Re: Thankyou! In terms of someone singing it, that will probably be my sister, because she's a great singer. When I showed it to her she said she wanted to sing it, but I had to write the notes first. So right now, I'm literally sitting at a the keyboard going "D, F,G, B, D, F..."


    5 months ago
  • WrenBirdWrites

    Oooohhh~ I love this!


    5 months ago
  • Yellow Sweater

    Re: Haha! I feel like it is really difficult to have a discussion about very complex topics over text in the comments section of our posts. It's kind of hilariously difficult when you think about it. But I am so happy you are are willing to talk with me, even if we have to use this convoluted method:)


    5 months ago
  • useless :)

    wow! i love how descriptive you were, it really let me imagine the setting you were narrating from, and the imagery was just beautiful! i love the ending too :)
    oh and nonono, you're not gonna say you're bad at titles and then make something like this up! it was so good :D
    re: aww thank you!!
    oh the format haha...i think it can get pretty chaotic, sometimes it works and other times not so much, but i'm happy that you like it!
    oh, cool!! i'll definitely want to read it if you end up posting it :)
    ahah i've had that happen to me before...i thought i didn't like someone anymore for the longest time (maybe a bit dramatic considering it was just summer vacation) but i ended up liking them again after school started. this was beginning of seventh grade tho, so a while ago lol.
    haha yeah i should. last night i actually got more sleep than usually, but for some reason i was completely exhausted in the morning for the first thirty minutes and got a sudden wave of energy afterwards that lasted for a while.
    yup haha. ohh yeah, i think that's kinda normal. the most recent dream like that i had was pretty uneventful, i was literally just texting one of my friends, but the context of what i was saying was pretty interesting...made me think. aka analyze what happened fifty different ways and then determine whether it was a good or bad thing...XD.
    the one thing i couldn't change was what i texted that friend initially, but since i knew i was dreaming i kept reassuring myself i didn't actually say that and kept "deleting" the messages in the dream...but then kept getting scared bc every single time they were read. it was weird...
    i kinda just went on a rant about that XD
    lolll i should use that ;)
    haha yeah the hot chocolate was worth it ;D
    the first time i remember getting hot chocolate, weirdly enough, was at starbucks when i was 5 or smth. pretty random but it just came to mind XD
    have a great morning/whichever time you read this haha :D


    5 months ago
  • Yellow Sweater

    Re: Yeah, now I am thinking about it, I think you are definitely right. It totally misspoke when I said it wasn't directed at racists. I think what I was trying to say, was that his writing doesn't always address the consequences of racism, as much as it subtly reveals the mechanics of how racism manifests itself. After writing that I am even more convinced that you are right and that he is definitely seeking "to show ignorant people how the world looks from his perspective"

    Simply said, I don't think he isolates racism from other parts of life and society. That was what I was trying to get at. But, of course, as I have a tendency to do, I made it needlessly complicated.


    5 months ago
  • Avril

    Ooh the imagery in this is so good! I totally feel transported into this bustling city. And the symbolism at the end! I love it. The title is also super captivating.
    Re: thanks that's helpful!! I'm glad that made it more clear haha. I meant to respond to your other comment earlier but I kept forgetting, whoops! Hey, where do you live in Canada? I'm also Canadian and just curious :)


    5 months ago
  • Yellow Sweater

    Re: Yes! teaching vs lecturing, great distiction. His work shows me how I am unknowingly perpetuating implicit racism, but it's obviously not directed at educating ignorant white folks like me. He reveals the subtle, underlying racism that pervades even the most mundane aspects of society, while also reflecting on the other aspects of those aspects. Okay, sorry that probably made no sense.


    5 months ago
  • ~wildflower~

    Re: oh my gosh, ahhhh thank you sooo much for your comments!!! XD I don’t think I’m ever going to be able to stop smiling again!! And wow, I can’t believe I used symbolism without even realising in that piece, and couldn’t do it when I was actually trying! I am thoroughly confused by myself. Oooh and yay - I’m so glad I found most of your symbols! I am actually amazed that you managed to pack so many into that piece so subtly, so that it still flowed so well (oh wow, I just said ‘so’ so so many times haha). Oh yeah, and I have a total of zero knowledge about American history (which honestly sort of annoys me - I wish we learnt a least a tiny bit about it at school :/ ) so that explains why I didn’t pick up on those themes, but I’m sure someone else with a greater general knowledge would be able to! And whoa, you built even BIGGER themes into that piece? It’s like a full-on literary work!
    And I have to agree: ‘wonderful’ is a pretty wonderful word (but I like wondrous even more!)
    Haha and don’t worry that your feedback was a little out of order. I often wonder if anything I write really makes that much sense and I usually spend about a million hours rewording things until they do. Your comments were so so lovely - you’ve made my day! Thank you, thank you, once again!! <3


    5 months ago
  • aaliyahh

    omg wow! the descriptive details makes me feel like i'm there, it's such a wonderful feeling! i love the line "I am pushed backward through a sea of meaning and I am drowning. Nobody gifted me a lifejacket and there's no life ring being tossed out to me". it sounds so sad, but in some way can mean so many things. I really love this piece, good job!!


    5 months ago