i do not want it fading

April 12, 2021

Two years ago, we stepped across a road, no, I lie, it was five roads with significant distance in-between, but ‘one’ captures the greater spirit so much better. Namely because it was the step, not necessarily in an entirely new direction, but away. Crossing the pavement crystallised my memories into just that: memories. A thing of the past.
I don’t even know if our sweet little lilac, right in the corner of the garden, still blooms in summer. At times, I wake up in my bed, the same squeaky loft bed as before, and for a split second I feel that if I walked down I would stand in my small rosy old room. And it fills me with warmth, with mellow longing. Homesick nostalgia.
At once it is dreadfully, dreadfully, far away and only yesterday. In my mind’s eye, I could turn and be seated with my siblings by our kitchen table. With morning sun beaming through the windows, illuminating tiny tangoing dust particles. If it was a weekend we would be reading manga paperbacks from the local library, to the sound of the ever-present great tit birdsong. Chewing on cereal with chocolatey Oboy-powdered milk. We used to trade places around the table because we all wanted to sit next to mum. My sister hated the noise of our chewing. We were a ‘we’; all four of us.
The air was that of an encapsulation of childhood. Even as childhood escaped us. It was in the very walls, yes, in the subtle yellow paint of the living room. Where I stamped a red thumb-sized Hello Kitty image once. It remained there, with its unfailing upbeat smile, until we left.
Now I am sitting here, typing, soaked in the mist of glue-sticky fingers and mum’s raisin bread. Humming a tune of subconscious remembrance (it’s a Star Wars soundtrack motif and sends me on a tangent; to my brother’s formidable Lego fantasia and to us nestled in front of the saga or playing the, excellent, Lego computer game). And I don’t wish to turn back time. But there’s an abyss of sadness in me because I can’t.


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  • April 12, 2021 - 11:00pm (Now Viewing)

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  • BriRiley

    This is beautiful! I love how you described the road!

    6 months ago
  • Zirong

    Your imagery is gorgeous. And the nostalgic sentiment between the lines hits me so hard.

    6 months ago
  • Awesome Sienna

    Beautiful! "Homesick nostalgia." For some reason I just really love that line. Congratulations on Wednesday Words! ;D

    6 months ago
  • TerenNeret

    You describe the universal difficulty of change so beautifully. Your sensory images, of "soaked in the mist of glue-sticky fingers and mum's raisin bread" and "my sister hated the noise of our chewing", just convey nostalgia and longing so vividly. The last two sentences were lines that seemed ripped straight out of my heart, feelings that I knew were there but couldn't describe. This is absolutely stunning and one of my favourite things that I've ever read on this platform. Congrats :)

    6 months ago
  • don't you see the starlight (#TS)

    "And I don’t wish to turn back time. But there’s an abyss of sadness in me because I can’t."
    i was literally just talking about this with one of my teammates yesterday. in fact, i'm inspired to write something now. :)

    6 months ago
  • don't you see the starlight (#TS)

    ahhh "We were a ‘we’; all four of us." what a powerful line in a eight words. and the entire last paragraph is everything tangible about nostalgia and sentiment, the pain and longing of reminiscing. Congrats on Wednesday Words!!

    6 months ago
  • Writing4Life

    Wow, this is so beautiful! I find it a tad funny, because your old living room seems a little like mine! Our walls are painted yellow, and my brother has an obsession with Star Wars (namely star wars lego), and we always used to play those star wars computer games. But this is super beautiful, and congrats on wednesday words!

    6 months ago
  • Just_A_Memory

    This is beautiful! Simply marvelous. That beginning really drew me in <3

    6 months ago
  • Odysseus

    Gorgeous work!! Well deserved award, too. :)

    6 months ago
  • WrenBirdWrites

    "And I don’t wish to turn back time. But there’s an abyss of sadness in me because I can’t." Oh, that hit me- This is an amazing piece, congrats on getting Wednesday words. :) I seriously am gonna need to recover from those lines- just hit me- Beautifully written. <3

    6 months ago
  • Anne Blackwood

    Wow... this entire piece is so moving. I can't describe how much so it is. I feel nostalgic for a home I haven't even left yet.

    P.S. I used to have a loft bed that was so squeaky. Absolutely obnoxious.

    6 months ago
  • Huba Huba

    This is actually so beautiful. I love the part where you go like, "we were a 'we'"
    This is so meaningful and isn't in a completely melancholy light, giving it balance.

    6 months ago
  • Yes_iKnowimShort

    Congratulations on Wednesday Words!

    6 months ago
  • rwong

    congrats on wednesday words!! this is beautiful

    6 months ago
  • FantasyOtter12

    Congrats on Wednesday Words!!!

    6 months ago