In Which Yaya Writes

United States

^Tully My Chick
Lil sis calls me Yaya
[ChildOfGod]
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Dream Home: Africa
McMann~Rowling~Dashner~Sutherland~Leonardo~Sanderson~Anderson~Wood

Message to Readers

*sigh* I’m still semi-new to poetry in general, so I’m not sure if this is any good. If any of y’all are good at poetry or even just a bit experienced, could you review this? I’ll review yours in return :)!!

what the biggest eyes of vision see

April 14, 2021

a girl with
eyes 
as big as 
the laughing midnight 
moon, 
whose vision 
expands 
from rolling ocean shore 
to
rolling
ocean 
shore,
takes a peep 
at the big,
big world 
and sees the things 
we simply can’t. 
she looks at
dirt after a 
storm, covered in 
dots and dimples, 
and sees a 
thousand birds, 
feathers so full and
black, 
eyes beady with
hunger,
beaks as 
bright as the 
midday sun, 
pecking at the 
ground to find worms 
galore. 
or a thousand tiny 
ants, 
bodies so red and bulbous, 
legs skinny yet so, 
so strong, 
each striking out for their 
own, 
building a 
house for one.
or she wishes 
she just
could’ve seen, 
rain, 
the master 
of pointillism, 
create its 
beautiful art.
she looks at the fire, 
and sees dancers 
in the flames. 
crackling and laughing, 
their red dresses 
billowing. 
their love—
so fierce, 
it burns. 
she looks at the smoke, 
while others cry, 
“Tornado!” 
and point at the stream, 
she sees emotion,
anger, hurt, passion, 
so thick
it billows.
she looks at a tree, 
and sees 
each individual leaf,
each one a 
different shade 
of green. 
she sees the 
heart of nature
welcome, 
with open arms, 
poor woodland creatures, 
who have no home. 
she sees love sparkle, 
around the sun-setting
silhouette.
she looks at animals— 
cows, dogs, cats, chickens— 
and can see
their emotions, 
radiating off of 
them. 
can know what they’re thinking, 
when all but their eyes 
are silent.
can find a friend, 
when others see none.
she looks at 
the sky, 
and sees the playful 
daughter, 
her eyes so crystal blue, 
painting to her 
hearts delight
the clouds upon which
she gazes. 
she swears 
she heard 
a whale call out 
for her. 
she looks towards the ocean, 
and can see the 
whales swimming, 
in the shimmering sea, 
their fins flapping, 
as they beckon her to 
join them. 
she can see the mountains, 
stoic and respected,
with a gleam
in their eye, 
telling her to climb them.  
she can see jungles, 
as mischievous as the 
animals that 
abide within it, 
teasing her, 
calling for her
to brave their 
gnarled centers.
she takes her 
shoes off, 
to feel the 
ever-shifting sands 
of hope 
beneath her feet. 
to feel 
the soft, grass, 
covered in a
thousand tears, 
finally wipe their eyes. 
she wears her
hair down, 
to feel the wind 
come tell her hi, 
and bring her new 
secrets, 
from across the world. 
she finds beauty 
in all the nature 
around her. 
but the most beautiful 
thing she has ever seen 
was people.
their smiles so 
white and gleaming 
like freshly fallen snow. 
their hair thick and shiny, 
tugging at their 
scalps. 
their hands 
so ready 
to hold another. 
she looks at them, 
and her very 
heart swells. 
she goes to the 
little ones, and 
spins them in a circle, 
round and round, 
until all their 
laughter mixes 
into one joyful sound. 
she goes to the
big ones, 
and listens to
what they say, 
nodding and smiling, 
until her head hurts, 
but joyful because 
they’re happy. 
she goes to the old ones, 
and talks with them, 
holding cold, wrinkly hands, 
until she warms them again. 
never has she seen, 
a more
beautiful creation. 
she thanks the Creator, 
for these most of all. 
when they cry,
she cries. 
when they hurt, 
she hurts. 
when they laugh, 
she laughs. 
until all of them 
know, 
the have a friend, 
in this girl, a girl with
eyes 
as big as 
the laughing midnight 
moon, 
whose vision 
expands 
from rolling ocean shore 
to 
rolling
ocean 
shore.
Word Count: 590 
Draft #: Let’s say 3.

I was answering a question in my youth group, (do you think God has a plan for you?) and this idea came to me (no, I’ve always had such a big vision, I just knew I was gonna do something for God one day).
I really hope you like it! 

PS I’m seriously considering entering in this instead: 
a wench with
eyes 
as big as 
the laughing midnight 
moon, 
whose vision 
expands 
from rolling ocean sh're 
to 
rolling
ocean 
sh're,
doth take a peepeth 
at the big, 
big w'rld 
and sees the things 
we simply can’t.  
 the lady looks at
dirt aft'r a 
st'rm, cov'r'd in 
dots and dimples, 
and sees a 
thousand birds, 
feath'rs so full and 
black, 
eyes beady with 
did hang'r,
beaks as 
bright as the 
midday travelling lamp, 
pecking at the 
did grind to findeth w'rms 
gal're.  
 'r a thousand tiny 
ants, 
bodies so r'd and bulbous, 
forks skinny yet so, 
so stout, 
each striking out f'r their 
owneth, 
building a 
house f'r one. 
 'r the lady wishes 
the lady just 
could’ve seen, 
raineth, 
the mast'r 
of pointillism, 
maketh its 
quite quaint art. 
 the lady looks at the fireth, 
and sees danc'rs 
in the flames.  
 crackling and laughing, 
their r'd dresses 
billowing.  
 their love— 
so fi'rce, 
t burns.  
 the lady looks at the smoketh, 
while oth'rs caterwauling, 
“t'rnado!” 
and pointeth at the stream, 
the lady sees emotion,
ang'r, did hurt, passion, 
so thick 
t billows. 
 the lady looks at a tree, 
and sees 
each individual leaf,
each one a 
diff'rent shadeth 
of green.  
 the lady sees the 
heart of nature
welcometh, 
with ope arms, 
po'r woodland creatures, 
who is't has't nay home.  
 the lady sees loveth sparkleth, 
'round the sun-setting
silhouette. 
 the lady looks at animals— 
cows, dogs, cats, chickens— 
and can seeth
their emotions, 
radiating off of 
those folk.  
 can knoweth what they’re bethinking, 
at which hour all but their eyes 
art silent. 
 can findeth a cousin, 
​when oth'rs seeth none. 
 the lady looks at 
the sky, 
and sees the gamesome 
daught'r, 
h'r eyes so crystal blue, 
painting to h'r 
hearts delighteth
the clouds upon which
the lady gazes.  
 the lady swears 
the lady hath heard 
a whale calleth out 
f'r h'r.  
 the lady looks towards the ocean, 
and can seeth the 
whales swimming, 
in the shimm'ring flote, 
their fins flapping, 
as those gents beckon h'r to 
joineth those folk.  
 the lady can seeth the mountains, 
stoic and did respect, 
with a gleam 
in their eye, 
telling h'r to climb those folk.  
 the lady can seeth jungles, 
as mischievous as the 
animals yond 
abideth within t, 
fleering h'r, 
calling f'r h'r
to brave their 
gnarl'd cent'rs. 
 the lady doth take h'r 
shoes off, 
to feeleth the 
ev'r-shifting sands 
of desire 
beneath h'r feet.  
 to feeleth 
the soft, grass, 
cov'r'd in a 
thousand drops of sorrow, 
finally wipeth their eyes.  
 the lady wears h'r 
hair down, 
to feeleth the windeth 
cometh bid h'r good morrow, 
and bringeth h'r new 
secrets, 
from across the w'rld.  
 the lady finds beauty 
in all the nature 
'round h'r.  
 but the most quite quaint 
thing the lady hast ev'r seen 
wast people. 
 their smiles so 
white and gleaming 
liketh freshly fallen snoweth.  
 their hair thick and shiny, 
tugging at their 
scalps.  
 their hands 
so eft 
to holdeth anoth'r.  
 the lady looks at those folk, 
and h'r v'ry 
heart swells.  
 the lady goeth to the 
dram ones, and 
spins those folk in a circle, 
round and round, 
until all their 
laught'r mixes 
into one joyful soundeth.  
 the lady goeth to the 
big ones, 
and harks to 
what those gents sayeth, 
nodding and smiling, 
until h'r headeth hurts, 
but joyful because 
they’re joyous.  
 the lady goeth to the fusty ones, 
and talks with those folk, 
holding bitter cold, wrinkly hands, 
until the lady warms those folk again.  
 nev'r hast the lady seen, 
a m're 
quite quaint creation.  
 the lady grant you mercy the creat'r, 
f'r these most of all.  
 at which hour those gents caterwauling, 
the lady cries.  
 at which hour those gents did hurt, 
the lady hurts.  
 at which hour those gents chuckle, 
the lady laughs.  
 until all of those folk 
knoweth, 
the has't a cousin, 
in this wench, a wench with
eyes 
as big as 
the laughing midnight 
moon, 
whose vision 
expands 
from rolling ocean sh're 
to 
rolling
ocean 
sh're

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12 Comments
  • Anne Blackwood

    Re: Yes it was so long. We haven't seen them again yet but plan to soon.
    Thank you!
    You're welcome!
    Oki. :)
    No no it's okay.
    Haha yeah they're no good. Mold can be purged from your system, but my other health problems are chronic. I'm seeing a physical therapist, which we're hoping will help (it helped my friend).
    Thank you for your prayers. Honestly I still don't know how it's going to work.
    No bb you don't have to feel bad! I understand your intentions.
    I love that verse, thank you.


    about 1 year ago
  • Nikki (not as active but i shall be back soon)

    OH MY MY! this is such a beautiful poem!!!!!! im so proud of you for writing something soooooo awesome!
    'she sees emotion, anger, hurt, passion' this is my absolute favourite line!
    i like the piece in the footnotes, but its slightly complex to read. so maybe you could change some words in the original piece, to that cool old english writing.

    re: im so so so sorry for not replying, ive not really been in a very good place. :(
    aaaa! thank you so much for calling me sweet. im so sorry for not reviewing this, i feel so bad :( i havnt even worked on my piece yet.
    thank you so so so much for your review, it was so kind and insightful. i will surely take your suggestions and work on the piece today <333


    about 1 year ago
  • rwong

    re: aw thanks for your super sweet comment on my piece and the review!! just reviewed so hopefully it'll get to you soon! good luck!!


    about 1 year ago
  • The Coy-Fish

    RE: I wouldn't mind a review. Haven't got much response for that poem anyway so it would be nice.


    about 1 year ago
  • ~madeline~

    Just reviewed it! I'll reply to your comment when you have more time :)


    about 1 year ago
  • Anne Blackwood

    Oh random thing. Is your nickname pronounced like Yeah-yeah or yah-yah? I've been thinking of it the second way, but I watched the Sandlot and a character there has it the first way.


    about 1 year ago
  • Anne Blackwood

    Re: Thank you so so much for your comment!!
    You're welcome! :D Hehe yeah it's easy to forget when you're just seeing me online. I've been upping the dose of some medicine that I think might be helping a tiny bit, and we're getting rid of the mold toxins in my system, which we're hoping will really help. My mom has to do 4 weeks of radiation soon. She recently had her second surgery. Thanks for asking. <3


    about 1 year ago
  • kat crispo

    re: no, but thank you so much for asking!


    about 1 year ago
  • Anne Blackwood

    Oh and while I love the piece in the footnotes, I feel like the first one seems more natural.


    about 1 year ago
  • Anne Blackwood

    Wow, this is really good! Such a delightful piece. My biggest critique would be to separate it into stanzas. In this format, it's pretty daunting to read. Also, just me being nitpicky, but I would recommend changing "come tell her hi," to "come tell her hello" to fit the tone better.


    about 1 year ago
  • Anne Blackwood

    Re: Totally forgot to reply to your comment yesterday! Unfortunately, I do not have the energy to review any pieces. I usually only end up doing one or two a month, if that.


    about 1 year ago
  • kat crispo

    this is amazing! a stunning poem, and you've taken something very conteversial, and created a beautiful piece out of it! personally, I think you should use the version from the piece, and not the footnotes.


    about 1 year ago