Nikki

India

she/her
feminist
fantasy freak
would marry Inej Ghafa any day
yes, i cant ever my eyeliner to be straight <3
writes, because the other option is shutting down

Message to Readers

i hope you liked this, its just the first draft and needs a lot of help to become better. here are a few questions you could answer (if you like) while reviewing or commenting :))
1) is the change within the italic and normal words visible?
2) is the title all right? do suggest how i can make it better
3) are the rhymes okay?
4) what emotions, feelings does this strike within you?
5) is the repetition of the last two lines a good idea?

Pieces of shattered glass

April 14, 2021


Men of bad habits and women with lipstick-stained glasses,
they dance all night in their pretty palaces.
While we search for love in the ashes.


Three years of hospital rooms,
I learned to find comfort in those white walls.
holding my mother’s hand as her perfume,
protects me from all the needles.

He enters causing everyone to stare,
they waltz under the bright lights and quick whispers.
Yet he’s running towards to the woods in despair.


I remember a day from when I was eight,
my sister was screamed at for lying to them
It was then that I promised to create,
a mistake that could never be tracked back to me

Brothers with a pact for life,
were poisoned by a simple longing.
for crown that came with the price.


My painful fingers tips and bitten cheeks.
I promise to you that one day,
I shall leave.
Yet, I’ll never forget to say goodbye.
Yet, I’ll never forget to say goodbye.
 


 
 

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8 Comments
  • The_Sunrise_Queen

    this is soooo beautiful! well done!


    3 months ago
  • Zirong

    omg I'm so sorry for this super late reply! Ooo I like this piece and will submit a review by tomorrow!
    I'm pretty fine, how are you? Love talking to ya and thanks so much for your sweet comment! <3


    5 months ago
  • In Which Yaya Writes

    Review submitted!


    5 months ago
  • In Which Yaya Writes

    Yes, I totally will review this! I can’t do that just now, but tomorrow a review will be in your inbox! Would you mind reviewing my poem: what the biggest eyes of vision see https://writetheworld.com/groups/1/shared/228348/version/484450 ?
    I’m still pretty new to poetry, and seeing as you’re more versed than me, I would really like your insight! You’re also super sweet and I’m 100% sure your review wouldn’t be mean XD.


    5 months ago
  • Yellow Sweater

    I left a review! I absolutely loved your poem!


    5 months ago
  • Nyla

    I just submitted the review and -oop nearly forgot to like haha!


    5 months ago
  • Nyla

    Ooh ok, I'm going to leave a review on this piece. Really great btw!
    RE: HAHAHA LOL, aww I’m glad! (Ahhh, I can’t think of another one of Leslie’s intros for Amy- you picked the best one!- but ummm, just imagine I did!)
    HAHA, yes I should go get you a sticker that says that haha.
    Hahaaa loll, well at least we’re in the same boat.
    Of course!
    Loll it was very scary and ahhh yes, that’s really the life isn’t it!
    Haha yeah.
    Aww of course!
    Aww no worries, yeah I think a lot of people feel the same way (you know entering another year of lockdown) but aww that’s really amazing you’re alright now, I hope you don’t get upset over it again!
    Awwww YAYYY! Oh I want a pet so bad but (pre-COVID) we go visit my mum’s family a lot so it would be a hassle to get pet sitters for that long but oooh luckyyy. What type of pet are you thinking about?
    Haha byeee!! Have a great day :DD


    5 months ago
  • Mespotz

    RE: Alright, so do you want me to do like... EXTREME HEAVY CRITICISM or light, floaty edits and what I liked about the piece? I've prepared a review for both depending on what you choose, but honestly, I think this is a pretty great poem either way! EXTREME HEAVY CRITICISM will have a lot of edits :p but keep in mind that it's only my opinion and not a permanent never-will-change kinda thing. Depends on how much you feel like editing and changing this.


    5 months ago