Peer Review by ~wildflower~ (Australia)

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By: lilybeam26

The wires twist and tangle 
Her feet flutter, kicking at the air 
Face blue and dress pink
The fan spins in an irregular pattern above us
Where did it come from?
She turns her sunken head
And all goes b  l   a    c     k

Then it happens
Blood everywhere
A yellow sky above

Leather and coke
St. Petersburg and Andromeda

Her royal highness, Iris
Sitting on her throne
Her world brought down by the Plant Virus
And everyone had flown
Now she was stuck
Stuck with dead bodies littering the ground

What she did unthinkable
The death of winged soldiers and a colliding star

The future is among us
The fan spins in an irregular pattern above
She turns her sunken head
And I kiss her

All to forget the horrible truth of whats to be

Please help me, i really want to be noticed for this competition, i love poetry, i need reviews please!!!
thansk to all who read it though

Peer Review

To me, this poem was highly engaging and very mysterious. It grabbed my attention and didn’t let go, and I found myself constantly asking questions as I read. This is a good thing as it means that you piqued my interest and I was invested in storyline, but I think that a few too many of these questions were left unanswered.

“The death of winged soldiers and a colliding star”.
This is such an evocative and fascinating image! You don’t provide much explanation for this, but I think that in this particular instance it works quite well. I think it’s power is not necessarily in the image it creates, but the way the it portrays the enormity of the situation that has occurred and the fantastic setting.

This poem is very mysterious and intriguing, and that’s great. But I think it may be a little too vague and that it’s possible to keep that mysterious tone while providing some more details.
A little more elaboration could paint a clearer and more powerful picture of the scene, and any poetic device (e.g. similes, metaphors, imagery, sensory details) could help you with this.
I think one place in particular that you could elaborate is in the description of your characters. You described the setting - devastation, chaos and a dystopia - really well in this poem, but you didn’t really delve into the emotions of the Queen (or her acquaintance: the narrator) - rather, their feelings are only implied. Describing the emotions of your characters could add another layer of depth and impact to the piece.

This piece is really good, and very unique! I love the mysterious tone and dystopian theme! I also really liked the way you included lots of specific details to add an element of complexity and to engage the reader. I think that by elaborating a little more you could link together the fairly isolated details and images you have painted to create a fuller and more powerful poem. Good luck!

Reviewer Comments

If anything I’ve written in this review doesn’t make sense or you have questions feel free to ask me!