Parisienne

United Kingdom

She/her
18
Scorpio
Daydreamer, writer, artist and traveller
Coffee addict
Dreaming of Paris

Message to Readers

Hey guys!
Thought I might republish this poem for the competition with my British voice out there on the internet for all to hear *oooooh*.
Please give any criticism or advice! I love hearing your views on my work
Have a great day! :)
(Submitted this again for final)

Colour outside the line

April 8, 2021

From the moment you are born
you are taught to not create
they run around with mops and brooms
to clear up the mess you make

They tell you stay within these lines
but you colour out with glee
watching as the crayon 
runs across the boundary 

You cream up dreamy cupcakes
dyed unappetising green 
draw stick men with purple faces
and you sing too loudly

But later you hide poems
on scraps of paper left in drawers
and squirrel away the things you make
so that they feel truly yours

Because critics hurt your feelings
and proportion came to art
analysis spilt on poems
leaving stains across your heart

But I trust in your mastery
I think your works divine
so please remember
no matter what 
to colour outside the line
Link to performed version of me speaking it (yesss I am majorly british). Hope you like!
https://drive.google.com/file/d/1RjeiDqh_jcpyuMEKfkC8q_o9YsD2CUM_/view?usp=drivesdk

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  • April 8, 2021 - 12:16pm (Now Viewing)

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37 Comments
  • Avril

    re: thanks, that's so kind! And of course, it was so well done :)
    Oh thanks!! I read the first book of the lord of the rings and I loved it so much but for some reason I've become stuck halfway through the second one...maybe I'll pick it up again tonight now that I'm remembering how much I loved it. Yesss Aragon!! I think Legolas might be more my type though ahaha. Can you believe that there is a huge population of people out there who don't know it's possible to fall in love with a book character?? I'm pretty sure my first crush was Gilbert from Anne of Green Gables hehe. Anyway, have a great day/night :)


    5 months ago
  • Avril

    Congrats on highly commended, this totally deserves it!! I was so excited when I saw it because I loved this one so much! :)


    5 months ago
  • barelybear

    AHHH OMG highly commended!! I am so so so so so proud, big sis!! Ah I love this poem so much <3 <3
    Congratulations!!! *Ellie throws herself at Becca and hugs, never letting go* :D


    5 months ago
  • barelybear

    Re: thank youuu big sis <33
    Don’t worry I completely get it hehe *takes a moment to surface for air from under the revision notes*
    Mine start next week, then it’s just 21 days and I’ll be done agh.
    Good luck with yours! We’re nearly done!! And if you’ve applied for uni, I’m sending all my lucky vibes so that you get the grades you need c:
    Ellie :D


    5 months ago
  • nolongeractive

    Re: Omg thank you so much!!


    5 months ago
  • _Delphiruns2theocean_

    Re: thank you sm! And kinda haha. He plays football but like isn't big man on campus or anything...Jake is inspired by my crush and from romance novels XD (My dream guy a bit too...?) Aw, thank you! Yours is great too! And cool! Did you play for a club?


    5 months ago
  • Dragonfly

    Hello Becca!
    Don’t worry, as you see I take my time to reply as well... Sorry that I took so long!
    Yes, I’m good, thank you! I have been studying a lot lately, but I think it goes rather well so I am allowing myself some free time. What about you, how are you?
    Aww, thank you so much!! That is so sweet of you. I think there are so many different and brilliant writers on this site that it is hard to compare... I adore your work too! I mean, I admire everyone, who is able to write great poems, but yours have such great metaphors and their meaning is consistent and they just sound wonderful!! I think I have commented on this poem before, but it is still so great to read and your performance is wonderful as well!! And of course, as I’ve said before, your other writing is great too!
    Yes, I will as soon as I have time (to read and to go to the library...), though I have quite many books I want to read currently. But I really want to read John Green, as I’ve heard so much about his books. Yes, but luckily there are more characters than Harry in the books. I think it is rather often (in fantasy especially) that the protagonist is not as well written than the others characters (not always, of course).
    Yes, it is that certain feeling that a library conveys that is, I think, stronger when one knows the books are older. That would be funny :), but I was there last in March 2019 (so not that recently). Thank you :) my memory of the city is not that detailed actually, but I’ve been to Prague twice, so it is a bit more familiar than other cities...
    Yes it is! I actually live in a city (in Hamburg), but not in the centre in a rather green part (for a city). That sounds good! I haven’t been to the UK except for London, but I’ve heard there are very pretty landscapes :) I prefer the countryside to a city too, actually (though I suppose both have their benefits).
    That sounds like a great plan! I am sure art and English literature are both very interesting. And travelling is always great (and so it Paris) :). I learned a bit French in school; it’s a beautiful language and not the hardest to learn, when one speaks English (the pronunciation is a bit hard, but that is what makes it beautiful :)). I am sure that can achieve your dreams, as they seem very important to you. I’m sure you will manage :) !
    I am not so sure yet, I hope I will b able to figure out what I want to do after my gap year during it... I would love to study something with arts or physics and I would like to do it abroad. But I fear I might not be good enough in either of these subjects (I know, I could simply try it out I suppose). I think I do not know yet what I want to do, because I have not yet been able to allow myself to dream big, but I also simply find it hard to decide. I actually find it hard to think of a profession that could satisfy me and therefore I think I simply still need some time to explore.
    Yes, my presentation went quite well actually, it was almost fun to do it in the end. Thank you for your reply and take as much time as you need to reply!
    Have a great day!
    Malin <3


    5 months ago
  • Lizzie R

    Re: THANK YOU SO MUCH OMG!!!! I HOPE TO HEAR YOUR VOICE MORE IN THE FUTURE BECAUSE IT'S SO SOOTHING AND YOUR WORDS HAVE A STEADY FLOW THAT MAKES THE POEM MORE IMPACTFUL. I'M DOING OKAY! I HOPE YOU'RE DOING WELL DARLING. I LOVE YOU SO MUCH :)))


    5 months ago
  • barelybear

    Re: Thank you so much!! Ah I swear everything you say makes me grin like an idiot (hehe don’t worry I’m wearing a mask so it’s all good :p)
    Speaking of, I love reading this over and over and over!! :D
    It’s super motivational. We definitely need more Beccas in the world ahah
    I’ll have a listen tonight (I’m at the end of a test period right now ahah). It’ll be so great to hear some voice other than my family hah

    Yeah there are a lottttt of tests, but at the same time I think we’ve had it better than other years in some ways, because at least if we mess up the big ones, the teachers can just chuck it out the window or smth. So slightly less pressure, but still it’s hard to feel ready agh.

    Hope you haven’t drowned in papers yet :D
    Sending a ton of grins and a shedload of luck!!
    Ellie <3


    5 months ago
  • Zirong

    !!!!! so happy to read this lovely poem again!!!!! Your voice is so angelic and your accent is so elegant omg. I can't help replaying this over and over again!!!

    re: wait your As are coming up soooooo soon?????????? Best luck for your exams!!! I hope you'll nail all of them!!! My As start at the end of October but the atmosphere is already pretty tense in my school :''(

    Anyway, I'm glad you are happy back at college! Yes being out of lockdown and with friends is extraordinary enough! As for me, we are getting back our March Common Test result slips these few days, and we're going to have our Mid-year in two months' time! The school schedule for this whole year is quite insane and I have extra-curricular activities to juggle as well -- but luckily I really enjoy most of the things I've been doing! Recently the inter-school sports games are ongoing here. I'm in the school tennis team and we won another school by a large margin yesterday! I have another match tomorrow, so wish me good luck! :D

    I absolutely agree that It's so peaceful to have some alone time! As I grow up, while always keeping some friends around, I just increasingly crave for time alone. I remember when I was a lot younger I really loved being surrounded by others and thought spending time alone was a scary thing -- but now it's completely changed!

    yeaaa I really like my current physics teacher! She is the kind of teacher who is really sharp and is observing us all the time but looks like she doesn't care about anything(hope this makes sense haha)! She is a good lecturer as well. This month we have another physics teacher as the lecturer for quantum physics and I've been sleeping through all her lessons. Actually the same for most other students XD I plan to write some poems that combine art and science this year, and they will probably be mainly themed on physics. I'm thinking about printing them out(if I ever write some) and giving them to her as a gift haha!

    YAY I've been wowed by some critical articles as well! Some of them are so well-crafted that they deserve some analysis too haha XD I wonder whether any of the pieces you've published here are from your lit class, and if so, what mind-blowing comments your classmates gave you!

    my shampoo is running out and I'm going to get a green tea one soon :) Since your As start this early, by Christmas you should be really free! You can go see the pretty display in Body Shop with your friends!

    I really hope you are doing perfectly well and again, best luck for your As!!!

    tons of love,
    Zirong <333


    5 months ago
  • Nyla

    Heyy Becca! So I'm thinking about expanding my piece The Teapot into quite a long piece or maybe even a book! *gasp- I know* but anyways, if you want to see the kind of plot outline (and let me know if it's interesting or good or whatever- btw, no hard feelings at all, I would rather know now than later haha) here's the link, https://writetheworld.com/groups/1/shared/230196/version/487754
    Hope you're having an amazing day :))


    5 months ago
  • Nyla

    RE: Of course! And hahah, oooh alright, now I have to think about what comes next! Thank you!! And awww, that’s the perfect thing to say, thank you :) Hope you’re doing fantastic as well Becca!
    Nyla <3


    5 months ago
  • _Delphiruns2theocean_

    Re: Yay! I'm glad! And yes, my name is Delphi, it means "warrior of water" or something to do with the ocean and strong..? It's also a city somewhere, but I know that my name doesn't really have to do with that :P Some of my soccer friends started calling me DJ cause my middle name starts with a J, and during games Delphi just takes too long so they say DJ sometimes or even Dee. My childhood friend calls me Delf, or my guy friend/crush(?), but I hate that XD Anyways, wow, that's a long explanation, but yes, my name is Delphi, Dee or DJ is fine too! :) Glad you like it! ;)


    5 months ago
  • Avril

    Oh this is so good! "But I trust in your mastery/I think your works divine" - these lines are so sweet. Also everyone in the comments is totally right, your voice is lovely to listen to! I played it twice haha


    5 months ago
  • _Delphiruns2theocean_

    This is stunning!
    Re: Omg really?! I have writer's block but I'm glad it's readable XD thank you so much! And how are you?


    5 months ago
  • Sanjana Sunilkumar

    Re : Thank you!!! That really means a lot!!!


    5 months ago
  • The Inky Writer

    RE: Thank you for your lovely comment! No worries, we will chat soon :)


    5 months ago
  • Sanjana Sunilkumar

    Re : Ah yes, I get that. And well, it's just fictional, something that came out in my mind :D


    5 months ago
  • iamgroot

    re: Thank you so much!!


    5 months ago
  • Lizzie R

    BECCA I MISSED YOU AND OMG YOUR VOICE IS STUNNING YOUR ACCENT IS LITERALLY BEAUTIFUL AND I'M SORRY FOR TYPING IN ALL CAPS BUT I'M IN A MOOD AND THIS IS WHAT'S COMING OUT. I HOPE YOU'VE BEEN WELL BECAUSE IT'S BEEN WAY TOO LONG. THANK YOU FOR THE KIND WORDS ON MY SONG 'NEVER BE' I DON'T THINK I'M GOING TO GIVE UP. ONCE AGAIN I MISSED YOU AND THIS IS A WORK OF ART THAT IS READ BEAUTIFULLY OMG YOUR VOICE IS SO SOOTHING. Alright, I'm done now. Sorry for being utterly obnoxious


    5 months ago
  • _Delphiruns2theocean_

    Re: Haha ikr?! You must try it :P And np! I meant it!


    5 months ago
  • nolongeractive

    Re: Thank you so much, Becca! That means so much!
    Sending all my love!
    Xo. Jacob


    5 months ago
  • Sanjana Sunilkumar

    Lovely! This is so great! Also remember, critics make you better :) Great job!


    5 months ago
  • nolongeractive

    'her' is out now!


    6 months ago
  • The Inky Writer

    This is so beautiful and really relatable. Wow, you are so talented. And your performance of this piece is exquisite too!


    6 months ago
  • aalawrites

    wow. the poem and the performance is amazing. i am in awe of this piece!


    6 months ago
  • nolongeractive

    Hey, Becca! How have you been? I hope you are well! Also, some of my new pieces are out if you wanna give them a look at! Love you.


    6 months ago
  • happygiggles

    This is fabulous! I love the last stanza so much, it really ties the whole piece together nicely. Such vivid personification too, just lovely. Good luck in the competition!

    Re- Thank you so much! #wonkytoesisters :D


    6 months ago
  • _Delphiruns2theocean_

    This is marvelous! I can't see the recording rn due to slowww Internet but I will for sure when it's back up and running! :)
    Re: Thank you! That means so much to me :)


    6 months ago
  • Nyla

    I just listened to your performance of it- your voice is so idk "aesthetic" (is that the right word?) It's just so calm and pleasantly British and idk how to describe it but I really like it and your tone works perfectly with this piece!
    RE: Awwww thank you so much Becca! I'm so glad you liked it and thank you- your comment was so sweet and means a lot <3 "one of the best pieces" who's jumping up and down? haha but seriously, I'm so glad that it was so impactful and that you picked up on the way I progressed the piece. Thank you!
    Hahah no worries- I've done the same thing sooo many times with school projects haha. And aw of course!
    Nyla <3


    6 months ago
  • barelybear

    I love this so much! As always, your message is so sweet and selfless! I really loved all the imagery in this, and I think it’s such a great theme that I definitely relate to. “You hide poems on scraps of paper left in drawers,” is for sure something I do.
    Re: hmm perhaps Bellie does work better :p gassy yes I can’t wait we can do a UK tour, then go on all the great shows like Would I Lie to You and Taskmaster. Career sorted :)
    What? A Slytherin? All your poems are so full of love! I guess a Slytherin can love though. Poor Snape.
    I don’t know what house I’m in. It’s not Gryffindor because I’m scared of eVeryThINg. I kinda wanna be one of those Oxford kids in Ravenclaw, but I also feel like I really would benefit from a family in Hufflepuff, and that’s what I’ve got on the quizzes, but it’s not hard to rig ahah. And then Slytherin is odd, because a lot of people see them as evil, but mostly it’s just a fierce determination and some common sense to work your way around problems. And I do kinda feel that in me too sometimes. Cursed owl for not bringing me my letter and letting me have the sorting hat make my mind up for me :/
    I don’t think Hufflepuff would win at quidditch, and while ravenclaw might give it a good go, Slytherin has been known to play a little aggressively, so I think they’d win.
    Take care on that broomstick, big sis
    Ellie :D


    6 months ago
  • Nyla

    I love the rhyming in this and the message is really great. The ending is perfect, the elongated metaphor just really makes this poetry! Also oh no! Your link is saying to request access! I was so looking forward to hearing your British voice!
    RE: Thank you so so much Becca- you’re so sweet and that comment really made me feel great! And thank you, I’m so glad!
    Of course, take your time! Thank you, hope you’re good too!
    Nyla <3


    6 months ago
  • Emi

    I loved this poem! I just had to read it again. I hope you do well on the competition! I really love the last stanza.


    6 months ago
  • nolongeractive

    Hey, my new piece is out now!


    6 months ago
  • Livsnjutare

    This is just a work of art. I absolutely love it!! It is so true, and I relate to it! Wonderful job!
    re: Thank you so much!! <33


    6 months ago
  • nolongeractive

    Re: Thank you so much, you are so kind!


    6 months ago
  • nolongeractive

    Hey! Wow, this piece is so breathtaking and definitely one of my favorite pieces of yours; which is saying a lot because I adore all of your work so much! Anyway, I loved the line 'from the moment you are born, you are taught not to create' because I just love the meaning and power behind it, and there is so much truth and meaning and power to the piece in its entirety. Also, I love the title and I love all of the metaphorical diction you included in this piece, it was simply excellent! Have a great day and I cannot wait to see what else you publish, Becca.


    6 months ago