Peer Review by happygiggles (not as active anymore) (Ireland)

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To the Young: Concerning the Old (link to performance in footnotes) (important update in the message board)

By: Anne Blackwood

    We demand an apology from those who came before, shaking our misery at them with war-torn eyes. The pieces they gave us are whirlwinds of responsibility, and condemnation is second nature as we reflect dread off of our trembling shoulders. But what if we stopped pointing our fingers? What if we opened our arms and said, "Thank you. Thank you for being here first. My heart may be broken, but you gave it a place to land."
    Ancestors are a mystery and family is a secret, but remember that they walked this earth first and decided to change it. Molding legacies out of newspapers only to give them away, they have allowed us to hold a living thing when it begs for a new version of hope.
    Sometimes they stand firm in their stories, hands stiff from clutching their dreams to their chests. We grab at the steering wheel that was entrusted to them and turn it into a carnival. Stars fly around our heads and we fasten them to our eyes, and it's no wonder the steadfast are afraid of change when it burns so brightly.
    Think of these things as you take on the world, for while it is ever-changing, it has been paved with the heartbeats of our mothers and fathers. They are the wise ones and the base coat of this life; they are the past that lives on into our present. The future belongs to us until we hold it no more, so view it with your sight, and carry it with their light.

Performance video:

Message to Readers

Hey guys! I missed the expert review, so I'd *really* appreciate some critical reviews (or comments if that's all you can manage) on this piece. Feedback can be about anything, from wording to format to my performance.

Originally posted 4/9/2021

Peer Review

I think, when reading this spoken word, I got a very impactful meaning. It is evident to me that change is important and that it has to happen, but also we are unable to just blame the older generations for all of our problems. I finished reading this and felt a new sense of hope, and clear guidance. I think the end bit of advice, really helps end on a nice positive note.

"The future belongs to us until we hold it no more,"
This line is just beautiful, and holds so much power within it. It really makes me realize, that we will pass on someday, and won't live on this Earth forever. So, we have to do what we can, whilst we're here, that will help shape the future in the best possible way.

As I mentioned in my highlighted comments, there are a few phrases that I minorly struggled to fully grasp the meaning of, you will find more details on which lines when you go through the lines/words that have been highlighted. I feel that this piece has great metaphors and similes, and doesn't need an awful lot of sensory detail, due to the topic that it covers. Apart from my highlighted comments, I don't really have anything else to say here other than; well done!

This is amazing. I cannot believe the level of depth and knowledge that has been used in this spoken word. Phenomenal. I think with one more push, this could have high potential to be a real winning contender!!

Reviewer Comments

Gorgeous piece altogether and your performance piece is just outstanding! Please note that, at the end of the day this is your writing and you don't have to take all my comments/suggestions on board! I truly look forward to seeing your final piece. (: