Below, you'll see any text that was highlighted with comments from the reviewer.
Message to Readers
Hey guys! I missed the expert review, so I'd *really* appreciate some critical reviews (or comments if that's all you can manage) on this piece. Feedback can be about anything, from wording to format to my performance.
Originally posted 4/9/2021
This is one of those poems that makes me want to change and help the world change. I love the way you use descriptive language to point out our point of view and their point of view and how we can come to a compromise between the two. At the end of the poem I'm left inspired to change the way I interact with others.
There were a lot of really good, descriptive lines in there, but I would have to say my favorite would have to be the last line. That line so beautifully encapsulates the piece while at the same time it brings a whole new meaning to what you are trying to say, and that's exactly what the last line should say. Great job!
You had a great use of metaphor throughout this piece, likening actions and people to things they don't normally appear connected to. You also used unfamiliar phrasing several times. I would love to see more sensory details though.
This is really good, Anne! It's a beautiful call to action to remind us that we shouldn't condemn those older than us. They did what they thought was right, and one day when we are passing on our legacy, our mistakes will start to show to. And you did a beautiful job portraying that!
My biggest critique is that I noticed is that you use similar length, complex sentences throughout the piece. You used different sentence structures well, but I think if you could add shorter sentences that are slightly less complex in choice places it could really bring a new energy and drive to what you have already written. Great job, and I hope this helps you as much as yours helped me :)