Avril

Canada

"It's a dangerous business, Frodo, going out your front door."

seventeen years old
joined June 2020
community ambassador alumn!

not really active right now :(

Message from Writer

Hey! Thanks for checking out my work! Feel free to let me know what you think.

sweatshirts on the porch

April 12, 2021

FREE WRITING

15

there's a brown paper bag of my brother's sweatshirts 
on our porch.
they're shoved in there, crumpled.
crumpled with the weight of heartbreak
wrinkled from the steady dampness of her tears.

they still smell sweetly of her perfume,
boyish fabric infused with violetta by estee lauder,
a remnant of the fusion that they were.

I want to peer further inside,
touch each sweater. find the bracelet with his name that surely lies at the bottom,
and think about what has been lost.

but then again it is not mine to remember.

I put the bag by his bed.
when he comes home,
he will find it. although
I'm sure he already knows that it is here.
it was his doing, after all.

I hope he did it gently.
so deeply hope
that he did not crush her heart in the palm of his hand
but merely handed it back to her, intact.
each artery accounted for.

I guess they were not meant for forever. although she 
seems to think they were.
I leave his bedroom, shut the door
and rest in the knowledge that me and him 
will never be reduced to a bag of sweatshirts on the porch.
shoot why is my brother's breakup so hard for me? I think I live inside other people's emotions too much. haha.

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  • April 12, 2021 - 9:06pm (Now Viewing)

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18 Comments
  • Anne Blackwood

    Also btw the title is what compelled me to read this in the first place so I oughta point out how amazing it is


    about 2 months ago
  • Anne Blackwood

    Eek I'm so glad I accidentally started a mini rush of love coming at this piece (at least I think it was me?)


    about 2 months ago
  • Renegade_Writer [ChildOfGod]

    Ugh this is awesome


    about 2 months ago
  • boston

    wonderful!! what I love most about this was what you said in the footnotes. this idea of being so invested in others' lives feels super familiar to me..


    about 2 months ago
  • Paisley Blue

    Like anne and poetri — WOW. So glad I found this, even if it is late. STUNNING.


    about 2 months ago
  • poetri

    Darling. DARLING. I'm obsessed with every line.


    about 2 months ago
  • Anne Blackwood

    Oh my goodness I just stumbled upon this by chance and I'm so freaking glad I did!! Every line is so vivid and emotive and achingly beautiful. You tell the story in pictures in such an incredible way.


    about 2 months ago
  • YW_H

    Wow, I am just so obsessed with this piece! I really love the title and all of the interesting vocabulary that you selected to bring this piece to life. I really like the line "it smells so sweetly of her perfume" because it was just a lovely sentiment and it was just such a lovely image! You have such a gift and I cannot wait to read more of your work because it really struck me! I am JAE by the way and I am a songwriter, I hope I get to read more of your incredible work! Much love!


    5 months ago
  • vastexpansion

    re: thanks so much! also, I saw by your bio that you love to review... I'd truly appreciate it if you could review my poem "A Sea of Pumping Hearts" if you'd like. have a good day :)


    5 months ago
  • vastexpansion

    this poem is so beautiful, I loved it.


    5 months ago
  • Mespotz

    This is beautiful, what a wonderful job! My favorite part was when you mentioned the violetta, by estee lauder; it added the feeling of scent to the poem, which had already included so many senses! I also really liked the line; 'wrinkled from the steady dampness of her tears,' it had so much weight to it.

    Can you review my latest piece? It doesn't have punctuation(it's a part of the prompt) but if you could help me edit it that would be wonderful, and then I could freewrite an edited version with maybe some actual commas and better poetry altogether. Thanks :)


    5 months ago
  • barelybear

    This is so stunning! I especially love your metaphor about her heart, and the line “Handed it back to her, intact. each artery accounted for.” It was really unique and gave me such a brilliant image :)

    Re: yeah they’re definitely challenging, but I would recommend giving it a go! The really hard bit for me was choosing a topic, which was why I ended up going for Villain, because it just popped into my head ahah


    5 months ago
  • aashnapawar

    re: thanks for the comment! also my username is just my first and last name lol :)


    5 months ago
  • Deleted User

    re: thank you so much for the advice it was really helpful :D


    5 months ago
  • lochnessie

    re: thank you!
    and wow this is so beautiful and sad


    5 months ago
  • Deleted User

    wow....i don't even know you but this broke my heart!!
    i love every bit of this poem, but especially the second to last paragraph. that melted my heart a little. And also the last line was so perfect.


    5 months ago
  • Nyla

    "a remnant of the fusion that they were" I loved that and the perfume name was so cool as well!! "crush her heart in the palm of his hand" again so beautifully tragic, and the ending, just ties into the whole piece so well. Oh haha until the ending I thought this was from the perspective of a new girlfriend but I now realize it is not :O But aww, that sucks it's so hard on you- I think it just proves how caring you are though! I think we all care about our siblings more than is healthy haha. I hope you and your brother can heal <3


    5 months ago
  • aashnapawar

    wow i feel heartbroken because of this breakup and i don't even know your brother! amazing what great writers can make others feel! (and i totally get what you mean when my best friend goes through tough times and heartbreak it's like i go through it too lol)


    5 months ago