barelybear

United Kingdom

she/her, INFJ-A
musicals
fantasy/dystopian fiction
piano
life goal = becoming fluent in le français
☕️
est August 2020
community ambassador alum :D
They tell me I’m 16 but I’m sceptical
the squirrel is back!!

Message to Readers

Now that I’ve revised the ending a little, does it fit properly or does it sound disjointed? Overall opinions and thoughts about improvements would also be greatly appreciated.

In need of a review? Feel free to drop me a comment and I’ll do one :D

Runaway Bride

April 12, 2021

Here I am, standing in my white dress,
Hair curled with precision, I’m a vision of finesse,
In the other room a coterie of guests.
I’m impressed 
— that my heart has hammered such a mess
Inside my chest it’s like a high-stakes game of chess
64 squares
And 32 pieces 
And no room to second-guess 
No room to stress that I don’t belong 

Maybe I’m wrong, and it’s been him all along 
I’m just nervous, it’s the day: look away and move along 
He’s the tune, we’re the song
But he’s the bass and the chords
He makes up all of the words 
And I’m left - with the drums.
I’m the drums.
Steady beat buh-duh bum
Know the deal, make the meal
Keep our lives rolling on
When he makes a mistake 
Here to pick up the crumbs 
And all the while wondering how
To turn this house ‘to a home.

He’ll probably leave me, I know
Give a younger kid a go
But isn’t a Dad for a few years better than none?
No.

Play no more music, tear down the aisle
Because this bride’s on the run. 
 
Sooo Carol Ann Duffy made a series of poems about female characters that were overlooked in parables and novels etc, and I was like yeah let’s do this. I mean the runaway bride is quite a major stock character, but I wanted to explore her depths a little. 
And now I’ve figured out a better way to make her run :D 

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9 Comments
  • SamRose

    Wow this is so cool! Idk anything about the Runaway Bride but she sounds cool and overlooked.
    And a review probably wouldn't be helpful for my comp piece since the deadline is tomorrow, but I was wondering if you wouldn't mind just reading it and letting me know what you think? If that isn't too much to ask XD And if you are really looking for something to review sometime I am working on a couple series that could use some work XD


    5 months ago
  • Parisienne

    OMG I loveeeee this haha. Bride on the runnnn. This is just like your fly piece in that it has both poignancy but humour. I have no idea how you do it so well but mannnn you are amazing! <3


    5 months ago
  • ChimChim_1

    Re: Thank you! and no problem:3:3


    5 months ago
  • Nyla

    Ooooh I looove the ending- it really wraps it up! Love the rhyme of “go” and “no” now! One little thing, “ He’s the tune, we’re the song ” wouldn’t “we’re” be “I’m”? Nvm if I’m wrong and just randomly saying something. But seriously I love how you have this character so in tune with what they’re supposed to be and then eventually realizing that no, it isn’t right. I think that’s really powerful!

    RE: Awww thank you, glad you could understand :) Lol to be honest I forgot about that piece XD
    Ooooh awesome, I should totally do that cause my vocabulary has not expanded for a while LOL
    Haha, I mean you got the right kind of idea there, I was going for something a bit darker with all my symbolism (seemingly no one except the expert reviewer understands- even my friend *sob* XD)
    HAHA yeahhhh I know!! They’re so cool but yeah, nobody has any lol.

    Oooh I know, like can we get rid of all this tArMaC?!! And hahaaaa loll yeah- away with the hospitals!!

    Lol haha no we still do. I haven’t had a history exam though (my school board annihilated exams for COVID time) but for my English exam last year we still had to do an essay and some short answer- the multiple choice just help our teachers mark part of it quicker. And some just do multiple choice and a short answer- we still have to do some written part! And yeah, we do a lot more stuff as part of our coursework.

    HAHAAA yeah they do! You know something at least! That’s a super fan in my books XD yeah it is!
    Yes it really is! LOLLL it really is- HAHA, omg wait, I had to read Romeo and Juliet for class and I decided (since I’m doing online) that I wanted to buy the play so I wouldn’t have to keep staring at a screen and I bought this GCSE prep book version which had like some interpretations and simplifications on the side and it helped a lot lolll! But sometimes I got stuff- analyzing is fun but LOLLLL yeah somethings I could never think of until my teacher says it. HAHAH I love that bit of dialogue- haha, now I’ll be a step ahead when I read MacBeth next year!

    LOLL and haha wait- you never have? I swear it’s on like t-shirts here and everyone always says it, idk it’s probably just a north-america thing! But haha thank you and lolll she really is XD

    YES! I do. Ok but listen, I have nothing against cats, I just like dogs better because they let you love them more and play with them more!! Wow, (momentary search of the breed) tortoiseshells look really cool! I don’t know if I’ve ever seen one before and Camille is such a beautiful name.
    Awww so cool that the jamboree has had yet another influence on you and oh my!! My mum used to LOOOVE that show!! Ooooh true, ok you know what, I want one dog and one cat XD

    Lollll love that name! HAHA they really are and haha yeah LOLL

    Ooooh wow really great, never even thought about B but yeah, really true. I was gonna say wizard cause of Hogwarts as well ;)

    HAHA, lol, I’m a natural Sherlock (you ever watched that show? Love it!!)
    Thank youuu and sorry for the super late response!
    Nyla :D


    5 months ago
  • useless :)

    oops again. "grade", not "graded". and when i was talking about the guy in my ela class i didn't mean to say "right" after "social distancing or anything"
    oh and also in case you missed it the reason we weren't social distancing is cause that was sixth grade
    sorry if that was annoying haha, for some reason i always think about someone misunderstanding what i'm saying and taking it the wrong way so i feel the need to clear it up, idk if that sounds dumb lol


    5 months ago
  • useless :)

    re: ahah "who needs cheerleaders when you have useless?"
    first, ty, ty. ikr, sounds a bit out of place hehe. but i embrace the uselessness ;)
    ah, i see lol
    i-
    what?
    tHiS iS tReAsOn. tReAcHeRy. dIsLoYaLtY. bEtRaYa-
    okay, deep breath.
    grudgingly, i respect your opinion :D
    tbh, i actually don't like the flavor of raw coconut, so i get where you're coming from, possibly, though i do love it when paired with stuff most of the time. but yes, i forgive you ;D
    lmaoo. sounds like perfection to me. ahh life...a telenova? i mean, if it was, i wouldn't be surprised if mine got rated like a 20% on rotten tomatoes (do telenovas get rated on rotten tomatoes?) with the only reviews saying that they were laughing, not out of actual humour, just because of me making a fool out of myself, or bored too much of the time to actually stick around till the important stuff.
    haha rec stands for recreational. in my league we have rec, all-stars, and travel, and then some fancy thing that i forgot the name of that's for people who who actually want to pursue soccer and have serious talent.
    cOuLdN't bE mE
    my coach wanted me to do travel but that's more commitment than all stars, and i started (unintentionally) ditching my all stars practice after a couple of weeks so i've gone back to rec, which is funnest for me, and the most casual one (funnest should totally be a word :D)
    yess. and omg we should hehe. it'd probably be overflowed with embarrassing stories before we got past like, a week of writing it tho
    ikr. ahah it'd be simpler for sure :D
    omggg those. my friend and i were in the car once and we were talking between ourselves and ranting to her mom for a full thirty minutes about school before we realized she was asleep with glasses on. dw lol, her dad was driving. tho that friend isn't really sleepy...gasp, our theory has been proven wrong.
    lmao. concerning, but yk, i wouldn't be surprised. he's kinda messed up tho. when we were talking about anne frank's literal death in my sixth graded ela class (it's a shame he's been in all of them) because we were reading her diary, he made what he considered a "joke" about how he "hit her up at the bar the other night when they were drinking some good apple juice"
    completely his words...like, what the heck. and that was in class, since we weren't social distancing or anything right. with that monotonous tone you were talking about.
    oh, i haven't seen brooklyn 99. maybe i'll have to watch it now, i'm sorta curious haha.
    that right there, is quite a frightening thought. hopefully not, in any case.
    lol have a great night! :D
    or maybe morning cause you might not see this


    5 months ago
  • useless :)

    oops. "didn't want it to"


    5 months ago
  • useless :)

    wow, this is amazing! you captured the perspective of a runaway bride so well. i love the metaphor you used in the first stanza, it really shows how she feels. the second stanza is so sad, but i love how you described how she thought about her future in a wistful (idk if that's the right word) tone, as if she knew what'd happen in her future but didn't want them to. and the ending...it's such a great finish! ik you said you had another piece and revised it in your message box, and i haven't seen the other piece so this might be biased haha, but i like this one!!
    re: yess. ty, ty :D
    woah. that is...genius. our plan is officially telenova worthy ;)
    ooo, do telenovas have theme songs? if so, ours should be...drumroll...if you like pina coladas. (i think my obsession with pina coladas has come through during these past couple of messages)
    ohh okay. that makes sense lol. and yup. i'm actually drinking a smoothie rn...a caribbean mix with mango, pineapple, banana, and orange. it's so good :D
    ahah yeah, although none of my friends have waffle makers.
    lolll that's hilarious. there was this one teacher (not mine but literally a random teacher i'd see in the hallways who hated me for no apparent reason) who would always give me the worst deadly glares and i can totally see that happening.
    yes. the escape method needs to be accessible at all times...especially if we're identified on the way out of spain and then we become fUgItIvEs
    yeah i do that too haha. most of my friends are pretty nice about it, but sometimes it comes out a little bluntly...i was on ft with one of my friends abt a week ago and the first thing she says, "why is it always the dumb science teachers."
    to be fair, our science teacher has been pretty negligent of like, everything lol. she just lets us go from each meet and expects us to know stuff.
    oh the coaching was for my rec league, tho we do have a soccer team at our school, except we couldn't do it this year. there are two coaches and one is my finance teacher and the other one lives in my neighborhood (i actually saw him this week lol), so i try not to get in trouble during practices and stuff.
    oh haha, i kinda suck at skating too. i only go once about every year so that's probably why.
    oh gosh, yes. that's the other side of it at least. basically, if a teacher's nice my mom will be super nice, and i don't complain too much about my teachers so this doesn't rlly happen but for one of my seventh grade teachers i did, and i had to stop my mom from writing a direct email to her about how i didn't deserve to be 'made fun of' by her. (the one that said i didn't have life skills and stuff hehe. i didn't really care, but my mom takes stuff more seriously than i do)
    lol that's uh, interesting. yeah ik XD
    yeah, exactly haha. although there isn't really have a kid that tries to impress everyone in my classes this year, but that's probably bc it's online.
    hmm. makes me think. if kids are like their parents, how about that one kid who lurks in the shadows on his google meet so you can only see the outline of his face and then leans into the mic so it comes out super loud. he's kinda creepy, tbh.
    or the student that comes into class twenty minutes late and proceeds to sleep for the rest of it.
    hope u have a great day too :D


    5 months ago
  • ChimChim_1

    Aww..I love it. Good job!


    5 months ago