Peer Review by (sk)eyesofocher (United States)

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Refrains To My Past Selves

By: SunV


Dear infant me
That CT machine looks scary, I can imagine that's true
Just imagine it's a spaceship
You're gonna be the first child on the moon, aren't you?

Dear two-year-old me
The hill is the only way home, even if it looks steep
Don't close your eyes when Mommy drives up it
Open them, and look at the trees

Dear three-and-a-half-year-old me
You have a little brother! I know you wanted a girl,
But hey, at least he won't steal your Barbies, will he?
He did steal your cars though...

Dear four-year-old me
It isn't a bad thing, staying late in school
Mommy had to work, and Daddy too
Play with the blocks, watch the kids swimming in the pool

Dear five-and-three-quarters me
Moving isn't the worst thing ever
You'll make new friends
And the old ones will still be there

Dear seven-year-old me
I know you're shy, but she's a good person
Open up to her, make a new friend
You never know when you'll need one

Dear eight-year-old me
It's okay to stand up for yourself
You have a voice
Use it

Dear nine-(almost ten)-year-old me
No one came to your birthday, but that's okay, it's a tiny detail in the plot
It doesn't matter, even if you invited all of them
You've got your violin, and your books, and that's all you need, is it not?

Dear ten-year-old me
Please don't cry over your incomplete work
It doesn't matter
You're still you, and that's all that does matter

Dear eleven-year-old me
Ask Daddy if you can learn the piano
I see how you stare at it during violin class
And if he says you won't stick with it, well, you will, don't worry.

Dear twelve-year-old me
There isn't any shame in not being able to dance
It's okay if you don't look perfect
All that matters is that you have fun

Dear thirteen-year-old me
I know how much you despise the violin
But hang in there, deep down, you love it
You just can't see it right now

Dear fourteen-year-old me
The world's pretty crazy right now
Honestly, being the cynical person you are, you thought you'd be dead by now
But you're not, so live

Dear fifteen-year-old me
You're only starting to make lasting friendships, keep them close
And focus on school, it's an important year
I don't know what's going to happen, but whatever does, don't ever give up

Love,
Fourteen and two-thirds you


 

I've gone through like seven different poems to enter, but I think I've finally settled on one. Let me know what you think!

Message to Readers

So, I really really want to submit a spoken word, but I just can't seem to get any rhythm to this (i've never done spoken word before + maybe this isn't meant to be performed) so I don't think I will. But I hope the written is enough....


Peer Review

It feels so reminiscent to me, and yet looking back and going forward in such a beautiful way.


"You're gonna be the first child on the moon, aren't you?"
This like speaks to me in such a deep way--looking back on childhood and just how it goes into life as you get older--you realize you can't be who ever you want to be, and that just goes with you wherever.
I would love to see/write an entire poem just from this line.


I feel like this is just near perfect. Some of the lines seem like they're a bit too lengthy, but not too much so. I feel like if you carried on with the vibes of the line I mentioned above, it would improve it even more.


I love love this piece. I think that it just hits all the emotions of growing up and looking back and forward at yourself.


Reviewer Comments

I hope this is helpful!
Good luck in the competition,
~lin