Below, you'll see any text that was highlighted with comments from the reviewer.
Message to Readers
I need your help! I just got back the expert review and it suggested that I consider clarifying who my poem is addressed to (it's leaders who refuse to take the necessary action against climate change). I'd really appreciate some advice or ideas on this (or any other general feedback, of course).
I was thinking of maybe adding this instead of the first line of the second stanza:
“ Do you, dear leaders, as
you lead under a senseless
sense of self interest,
feel your peoples’ hearts ache?”
Do you think that would help?
As a whole, this poem left the impression of a call to action. Each stanza showed how bad the current situation is, and why we need to fix it. I'm left feeling empowered and inspired to do something to help the cause.
My favorite line is:
"It is my future,
my children's story,
a novel called humanity
and you are writing the ending
erasing an era of peace
and undervalued beauty,
with your greed."
Every line in this poem felt like both a punch in the gut and a hug, but this one in particular. It's easy to ignore the big problems we face everyday. This line was a painful reminder that unless the situation improves soon, we aren't the only people who will have to face these issues.
There are other ways the poet could use language to help me see or understand something in a new way. I agree with the expert reviewer's suggestion to clarify who this poem is addressed to. I'm glad the author included a video with this piece. The emotions, inflections, and speaking style from it made it easier to understand who this piece is for. I love the use of figurative language in this poem, I just want more facts weaved into it, to clarify the author's intentions. I loved the line,
"Will you choose to hear
the silent screams of unborn people like
the shrieks of the birds
that fall from the sky like
the heat that rains upon us,
an increasing supply like
melting ice crashing into the sea like
the waves that crash into the shores, breaking
harder than ever before -
can’t you see? "
, for that reason. In addition to the powerful picture those words paint, it also ties into the reality that we face everyday. I'd love to see more sections like that.
When it comes to Poetry and Spoken Word, I tend to either love or hate it. In this case, I definitely felt the prior. This is a wonderful piece, and I'm excited to read more from the author in the future. :)