Yellow Sweater

United States

(Formerly Zinniav)

I'm 17, interested in linguistics, mathematics, philosophy, theology, and history.

She/ Her | Bi | Disabled | Agnostic | Useless Intellectual | WA

I don't necessarily agree with my own assertions.

Message to Readers

If you see any obvious mistakes please let me know! The video has been updated, but argg! I really don't know what am doing with this.

In the Blood of the Dying

April 20, 2021

I’m thrumming with a cellular thrill,
like a puzzle unsure of what to do with itself now that it’s cohesive.
four years of hell are coming to a close,
but my fingers are still skittering over the keyboard.
I’m still writing about science class, still analyzing the cafeteria food.      

In chemistry, freshman year, we're freezing cream.
Stupid-Boy embellishes his project with cherry flavoring,
spraying MiO all over his clinical-grade ice cream.
I watch, aghast, as he reveals the true meaning of applied science:
tie-dyed lab coats and pink desserts. 

I wish I’d stuck my tongue into adolescence.
I wish I'd eaten the pink ice cream.
I wish I'd enhanced my pubescent experiment with MiO.
a high would have gotten me over high school.  

chronically fatigued, exhaustion underpinned by desire.
I am awake and praying and desperate.
pseudo-science says my cells need a reboot.
and desperate, I'd go skinny dipping, screaming,
but I'm chained to the dusty steps of a half-remembered dance,
but I don’t want to drown my farandolae. 

when a supernova explodes, time wrinkles.
God inhabits the center of each star, of each cell.
we breathe hot steam on cold winter days.
we turn the universe inside out when, 
after dunking under the waves, we finally pray.  

pink insides exposed, my memories consume me with centrifugal force.
five years, five hundred years old, wearing a cherry-stained dress, 
alive with the shameless conviction that infinity is circular,
with the secret knowledge that life is never-ending.  
what I wouldn’t give to be alive again. 
Video Link: https://www.loom.com/share/de84c6139be541acb1a589721b00f723

"Chronically Fatigued" is a reference to an illness I suffer from, myalgic encephalomyelitis, otherwise known as Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. It leaves me utterly exhausted both mentally and physically.

"Farandolae" are imaginary organisms that live inside cells in Madeleine L'Engle's "A Wind in the Door". It's also a folk dance. 

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4 Comments
  • C.M Wilson

    This poem is wonderful. I can really tell that you put a lot of personal emotion, thought, and energy into this work. I think it's absolutely perfect the way it is.


    20 days ago
  • sunshinetea

    Sorry random unrelated question LMAO- which experiment was it?? Like you got to straight up freeze cream? Lol


    21 days ago
  • Ava Marie

    This is amazing!!! I love the fluidity of your voice


    21 days ago
  • rainandsonder

    "when a supernova explodes, time wrinkles./God inhabits the center of each star, of each cell./we breathe hot steam on cold winter days./we turn the universe inside out when, /after dunking under the waves, we finally pray." oh my god i love this, i love the mixture of science and poetry in this piece, the achingly real imagery packed together with internal monologue. and that ending packs a punch! great work!


    21 days ago