mirkat

United States

she/her│infp-a
est. 10/15/20

"take me with you, finished thing"
"too dizzying to love anywhere
but from a distance"

have an ineffable day!

<3<3<3

Message to Readers

um better title ideas plz?

the universe is driving me insane

April 10, 2021

FREE WRITING

15

i. to know something
is a lie, a rock in the pit of your stomach;
that something that you knew was;
true isn’t anymore; and your reality becomes fiction again;
we are all rock people, born from
a cosmic joke, the universe constantly reminding us;

ii. we know nothing; all we can do is exist; 
playing along until we can break free from this 
labyrinth of suffering; but even then, even then
it will end and i will watch as everyone i love decays;
the question is did i want to exist in the first place
where we are forced to keep going, keep going
until what, i don’t know; 

iii. but somehow we make meaning out of this
life of endings; and it’s not a straight line of acceptance;
because i know (then again, a cosmic joke;
you could argue i know nothing; which, sure, scares
the living out of me; but that’s just part of the deal i never made;)
that i will falter in my belief of all things human;
listen, we’re futile beings, 
made of stardust and dirt, blood and bone; 
see, there are days when i hate living but i love being alive
and then there are days when;

iv. i hate being alive but i love living
now, in this moment; not alive when it’s all
years from now, sometimes decades;
but the wind and the sun and rocks in my stomach;
and maybe it’s okay, and maybe it’s not, 
or maybe nothing is okay and that’s what it means 
to live in the universe's indifference;


 

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  • April 10, 2021 - 12:07pm (Now Viewing)

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17 Comments
  • Madelyn (Carolina Girl)

    Okay I absolutely love this. It stirred something inside of me. It's been a long time friend. How are you?


    8 days ago
  • Minvra

    Unwinding? Under the Universe's Indifference?


    10 days ago
  • JACOB HOUSTON

    Omg this is absolutely marvelous and I love how emotional it is! I really like the title and the lowercase styling, and the piece is just in touch with your heart and it really shows! Amazing job!


    13 days ago
  • crystalline•galaxies

    re: well, your writing never fails to leave me amazed. i don’t think that “unpolished” means “bad,” really; unpolished pieces, to me, hold the most truths within them. i’m doing much better now, thanks for checking in! did i already ask how you’re doing? well, i’ll do it again!


    15 days ago
  • Paisley Blue

    re: mirrrrr look at meeee i'm on wtw!! :D for good! :D
    anyways, hi. yes, easter did happen! it was pretty good, too! did you do anything fun?
    yessssss i love mary oliver so so so much. and i kinda love that she wasn't really a big name, you know? like, she didn't give many interviews, she just kinda kept to herself. she knew how to be happy with a simple life. i admire that a lot, actually. being able to be happy because of the mundane, daily things, not needing fame or power or influence... yeah, she's cool.
    omggg you have no idea how much i cracked up when i read "my dad threw his bike off a third story balcony". like. context??!?!? please?!?!??! there's just no explanation and i kinda love it and it kinda drives me insane XD /j /lh
    (oh i just realized i'm not sure if you know what dialog tags are; what i just used, the /j /lh things! if you haven't seen/heard of them or don't really know what they are, check out this piece by anne blackwood: https://writetheworld.com/groups/1/shared/220294/version/461324 . if you do know what they are, well then i guess cool!)
    :) anyways i was saying you're absolutely hilarious lol. and oh no, he nearly got hit by a train??! that's terrifying! :[]
    anyways the story i mentioned about my dad is something like this... so, my dad was probably 17 or 18, not exactly sure. maybe he was older. he was living with his parents still, so i'm pretty sure he was still in high school. anyways, he could drive. his parents left for the weekend, for a little vacation, and he was pretty much home alone (i'm not sure where his brothers were).
    now, i have to give a little context to where this story is set. there's a quiet, country road that he took to get home, and it's this biiiiig hill with a pond at the end, and it curves off at the bottom of the hill to go around the pond/small lake/body of water.
    he was driving, this one afternoon, and he got to this hill and thought, "hey, i've seen my dad do this thing where he turns off the car and just coasts down the hill, to 'save gas' and all that". so, being a teenage boy, he decides to try it. but the thing is, his dad would only turn the key until it turned off the car, and not all the way. my dad didn't know that, so he turned it all the way off.
    a funny thing about cars is that when you turn them off, the steering wheel locks. he realized this, and as he goes to turn it back on, he bumps the keys and THEY FALL ONTO THE FLOOR! so he's rolling down this giant hill, the steering wheel is locked and the car is off, the keys are rolling around on the floor, and he's heading towards a pond with no way to steer!
    and, of course, he goes right into the pond. nothing's really damaged, but he has to call a tow-truck to get his car out. the tow-truck comes, and the guy's like "hey, what happened here?"
    my dad tells him, being completely overwhelmed and kinda that adrenaline rush state. the tow-truck guy just sorta laughs and says "well, you learned your lesson," and lets him go.
    later that night, however, a police car pulls into his driveway! this police officer comes up, and he answers the door (because he's the only one home). she asks him about what happened with the pond, and he tells her, bewildered as to how she knows about it; no one else was around, and it wasn't like he hurt anyone or damaged anything. he's kinda nervous and unsure what to do. well, it turns out, the tow-truck guy called the police afterwards and told them that my dad had been driving recklessly. he ended up having to call his parents, and they had to go to court and everything. it was fine, in the end -- he didn't really get in trouble, but he definitely learned his lesson!
    sorry that was a very long story lol. yesss hugging people is wonderful! hope you have fun with the summer plans :D ooh camp, that sounds like so much fun! i'm going for a week -- three and a half weeks sounds like a looooong time lol! write lots ;)
    hehahehhehhehhahehahehhee yey. i feel like honestly i never look quite right in pictures... like, idk, it just doesn't capture something, you know? well, maybe someday we'll actually meet in person by chance or something and i'll be like "I KNOW YOU" and you'll be like 'duh" 'cus you're way cooler than i am ;)
    omg you have a book nerd shirt you just rose in status
    i mean, you were already very high on the friend-o-meter
    but.
    this just brought you up one extra notch.

    (i have one too. a nerd shirt, i mean. well, kinda. it's a shirt with a typewriter on it -- that actually looks like Jo! -- and it says "be careful or you'll end up in my novel" and it's my absolute favorite lol)

    anywayyysyss i gtg to bed haha school tomorrow blegh but oh well. talk to you more soon :D <3 <3 <3


    15 days ago
  • ~wildflower~

    Re: and I totally agree - climate change denial does suck. I wrote the poem because I was so frustrated at the leaders of Australia for continuing to disregard climate change (they are even trying to form a gas-led recovery from Covid and extend our fossil fuel industry even more!) and I needed a way to vent that. Even I didn’t fully understand the extent and urgency of climate change until recently, when I really formed an emotional connection to it, and it’s really hard for me seeing leaders who haven’t formed that connection yet and feeling like there’s nothing I can do to change that. Anyways, sorry for over-sharing!! I tend to get a little worked up about these things.


    15 days ago
  • ~wildflower~

    Re: thank you so much!!! And thanks for your suggestion - the one word title is a really good idea! Yeah - Americans most definitely have accents, and I quite like them too! It’s funny how we forget that we have an accent and sound different to other people. Somehow, I always tend to think that Australian accents are really similar to American ones until I hear them together in the same room. Thanks again for your comment!


    15 days ago
  • psithurism

    re: I understand what you mean about anonymity. On here I can kind of pretend I'm this mysterious poet when in real life I'm not anything like my wtw profile, lol. So... the idea of a book sounds cool, but oh my goodness I have no idea what I'm doing. *nervous laughter* Oh gosh I have just about done everything other than actually write it! I've done extensive character study, written a sentence for ever scene I want to have in the story so I know what'll happen, I just need the actual thing itself. Ooh, spring break sounds nice, I had it a few weeks back, but I wouldn't mind having another one, lol. <3


    15 days ago
  • psithurism

    re: I'm doing pretty well, thanks for asking. I do have a small case of writer's block, so that's frustrating. I've been working on a novel and I have the ENTIRE plot mapped out, but I just have no motivation to actually do it, y'know? Also, I saw the article about you on the WtW blog, and let me say, you look almost exactly like how I pictured you. XD How are you doing?


    16 days ago
  • crystalline•galaxies

    i might cry. this hit really hard and oh my goodness, it's so beautiful. i don't know what else to say, i'm sorry, but this is a piece that i wanted to read slowly and truly absorb each and every last bit of rawness i could find.


    16 days ago
  • rwong

    dang so um am i supposed to write a proper comment for this mir? cause like... :o wow just literally asjdfkl; this is so beautifully gorgeous and the whole concept of being so small in a big universe (i think thats how i interpreted it at least) but like just the whole marvel/awe but also confusion at the universe?? i dont even know anymore but i really love this mir, i really do. also i dont think this comment made sense lol so sorry ehehe anyway sending love <3 <3 <3


    16 days ago
  • Paisley Blue

    (i mean that sincerely i like your shirt!!)


    16 days ago
  • Paisley Blue

    ALSO omg i forgot to say but you're so prettyyyyy not that looks matter but ahh!! and somehow you look SUPER similar to how i imagined you... :D honestly it was so much fun to see you :) you look like you have a great sense of style ;)


    16 days ago
  • ~wildflower~

    This is absolutely spectacular. I LOVE the structure of it and the thoughtful tone. Stunning.


    16 days ago
  • Paisley Blue

    ALSO
    i'll totally check out savannah brown!! sounds super cool :D not sure if i'll have time today but definitely soon, i promise!! love youuuuu


    16 days ago
  • Paisley Blue

    oh. my. gosh.

    i just wrote this suuuuper long comment.

    and then my chromebook died.

    and lost the entire thing.

    and i am so. so. frustrated. because it was a good comment, too! sigh. well. i'm gonna write it all over again.

    "we are all rock people, born from / a cosmic joke" this line on its own is sorta funny, like it's supposed to be a little interjection of humor. but honestly, with the rest of the poem? it's brilliant. it's not funny at all because it's... real? raw? not sure what word i'm looking for but you get it. it's perfect, and it hit me really hard.
    "but even then, even then / it will end and i will watch as everyone i love decays" i almost passed this line by, but something about the voice and words and images... idk, but it stuck with me. i kept coming back to it. it's wonderful, really; it's heartbreaking. wow.
    "listen, we’re futile beings, / made of stardust and dirt" oh my goodness, mir, okay. well. this is my favorite line, by FAR. it's stunning, honestly. it feels like the climax of your piece; it's absolutely riveting and fantastical and yet real. wow. i don't have words for it! this is... yup. this is art.
    and the ending and the word choice and the imagery and the voice and...

    i just need to process this.

    i've read it like 4 times now and it only gets better. wow. mir. this is amazing.

    OKAY re:
    omgg thank you for the sweet comments on my last piece! yes, i'm not surprised that it sounds a little like mary oliver. she's my fav rn lol! i mean, when i'm old i want to be exactly like her. she was awesome! like, this active, fit old lady who goes on walks with her myriad of dogs and writes poetry and travels and lives in a cute little house with her partner who just happens to be this amazing photographer.... if that's not happiness i don't know what is!
    i'll definitely listen to those songs! i've watched a couple episodes of anne with an e (we haven't gotten very far tho) and i absolutely LOVe little women! so i need to add those songs to my daily soundtrack :)
    yeah, my grandpa was really cool. i only met him once or twice, when i was a newborn, because he died pretty soon afterwards, from some sort of lung/heart disease. not sure exactly what it was. my dad doesn't talk about it all that often, but it makes him sad. i can tell he thinks about him whenever he smokes his pipe up at our cabin, or plays guitar... actually, the guitar i play most often used to be my grandpa's, and before we changed the strings, they were the same strings that my grandpa had played on! they were really in need of being changed, but my dad put it off for a long time. i loved to play that guitar and think of how generations and generations had used those same strings.
    haha yeah it would be fun to write down all the stories my dad tells! i've heard them all a billion times. the thing is, i actually don't do any of the work; my dad is a really good storyteller and he always makes things funny, so i just remember how he tells it and write it like that! :D but yeah i have so so so many stories lol :)
    omg like, okay, once my dad and his brothers (jared, 3 or 4 years younger, and chad, 6 or 7 years younger) were playing outside. i'm pretty sure chad was like 3 or 4, which would make my dad something like 9 or 10. it was winter, and there was a lot of snow, and they had spent the whole day digging tunnels and caves through the snow, to make a fort, right? they got cold, so they went inside to warm up and have some hot chocolate. well, dad and jared were sitting there drinking their hot chocolate, and grandma carol comes in and says "where's chad?" they both jumped up, because they realized they had left him outside. they run to the window, and there he is. he's headfirst in a giant hole that they had dug, and his legs are just kicking up in the air; he's totally stuck! so dad throws on his boots and a coat and runs out, and pulls him up out of the hole. and he was so mad; rightfully so, though! poor guy. he went through a lot, lol. like, dad was never really mean to him, but (according to his stories) jared was. i mean, they were brothers... anyways. lol.
    i have another story, about my dad when he was driving, if you want to hear it! lmk and i'll tell you. this comment is already wayy too long haha.
    yeah i'm really happy rn, because i got to hug my grandparents today! after a year of not being able to, they're finally vaccinated :) so that felt really good! my dad got his second shot yesterday, so he's kinda sick rn, but i'm really happy because now that he's gotten it we can start doing more stuff! he was always the reason we couldn't, because he's constantly exposed, since he works at the courthouse. and hopefully we'll be able to get vaccinated soon, too! a lot of my 16+ friends are excited because they'll be able to get it soon. i'm only 15, so it might be a bit, but i don't mind! it's enough to have the promise of it coming :)
    and this summer should be fun! i've actually already got a lot of stuff planned. between a musical, summer camp, a girl scout camping trip, a family road trip, and all the smaller stuff in between, i'm gonna be busy! not too busy to not have time to write, though :)
    oh no! i'm lucky, i don't have allergies. like, to anything. my sister is allergic to walnuts. but as far as i know, i don't have to worry about anything so yayyy :D best flex ever.
    well i'll get to talk to you a lot more often now!! i'm looking forward to being back on here more often, although it'll probably be a week or two before it goes back to how it was before. tbh it was kinda nice to have this 6-7 week half-break, you know? it made me realize kinda how much time i was spending on here. but i'm glad to be back for good :) talk to you more soon!! all my love :D <3 <3 <3
    don't worry, i always sound insane ;)


    16 days ago
  • psithurism

    "listen, we’re futile beings,
    made of stardust and dirt, blood and bone;
    see, there are days when i hate living but i love being alive"
    Holy guacamole Mirkat, this is amazing.


    16 days ago