Nyla

Canada

15
She/her

Message to Readers

:)

Love

April 2, 2021

FREE WRITING

7
A feeling beyond feelings
that tears one's heart in two
while fostering it to be
as enlarged as an elephant's

and a stabbing pain
transcends reason
and comprehension
leaving one
crying
and broken
in halves 
clinging
to a dream of their whole
that just slips through their 
outstretched fingers
grasping at salty hope
and bitter logic

and their ribs
break
while the 
Earth
shakes
but all they want is 
one last look

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  • April 2, 2021 - 10:24pm (Now Viewing)

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11 Comments
  • Sanjana Sunilkumar

    Wow, the final notes were truly amazing! Great post, buddy!


    4 months ago
  • McK13

    Re: The last line was my favorite too, yay!! Thanks so much - I've been trying to work on using more figurative language so I'm glad that you thought it was pretty good! Okay, thank you for the tip - I really appreciate it! I'm definitely planning on revising so I will have to make sure to try to lessen how often I use "he" (although it is so difficult to not use pronouns frequently lol). Yes, I 100% agree that prejudice, racism, sexism, etc are deeply rooted in society so people don't always recognize faults. Okay, phew!! Yeah, I haven't really seen much family other than my grandparents who have both been vaccinated but we still like to wear masks and try to social distance ourselves. But because of video chats with family and friends for Easter and birthdays, everything has been pretty hectic lol! Hopefully, things will get better where you live so there are fewer restrictions though I do think it's good that they've been put in place because obviously, they're important! But they can get so annoying XD! Thanks so much! Easter was pretty fun! We had these delicious red velvet, strawberry cream, and peanut butter and chocolate cupcakes so those were really yummy :) And we started building this puzzle of these little kid books like Goodnight Moon, Corduroy, Curious George, etc, so that was fun too! Ooh, first off, congrats on moving on twice in the completion! And second, that's so cool that he was there and you had no idea, especially since he was there two times, hmm, I wonder where he went. I guess we'll never know lol. Also, quick question, did you enjoy summer camp? Was it one of those overnight ones that lasted for weeks? I've been to summer day camps from like 8am-5 pm for a few weeks but I've never been to one of those long, overnight summer camps because I always thought that I would be homesick lol. If it was one of those summer camps, did you like it? Yes, IKR, scrapbooking is so amazing when it's finished but the process is so so difficult and time-consuming! Ooh, yay, thanks for the recipe!! I will definitely need to check it out :) I'm sure that you did a great job making it though so I'll give you partial credit, lol! Ooh, interesting! I like white chocolate sometimes but I think I like milk chocolate more because well first it's delicious lol but also because we usually buy more of it and it's in a lot of candy bars. Hahaha, that's literally me- I'm always thinking really far into simple questions like "What's your favorite color?" by saying something like "Well, I really like a light-blue green but sometimes I'm more in a purple mood or if I'm really happy, I might like a bright yellow but not the neon kind. So, basically, I don't know" LOL! And then the person who asked is always like, "So, umm, what's your favorite color?"Anyways, as you can see, I'm totally not judging because I'm so indecisive sometimes lol! Ooh, I love Lindor! Tbh I've never even had a Toblerone though I've heard that they are super yummy! And I've never even heard of a Milky Bar but I looked it up and it looks really good too. That's really cool that your favorite holiday is Eid! Although I don't celebrate it, I have heard of it and it sounds like so much fun (especially the gift part lol)! My favorite holiday for 2020 was probably Christmas because of all the great presents I got and the really good dinner we had. However, normally, my favorite holiday is usually Thanksgiving because my family (not my intermediate family, but my relatives like aunts, uncles, cousins, etc) make this incredible meal and it is so delicious! Also, lots of my relatives visit and in the US, football is a huge thing around Thanksgiving so we sometimes have flag football games (I really enjoy this because of my competitiveness again lol!!) Oh, of course! That's really cool that your short quote was super spontaneous and very thoughtful and true! Anyways, this is such a HUGE comment, so thanks for reading this entire message!


    6 months ago
  • McK13

    Amazing! "Clinging/to a dream of their whole/that just slips through their /outstretched fingers/grasping at salty hope/and bitter logic" is totally breathtaking! I love how you describe hope and logic with adjectives that one would normally describe taste! And the last stanza is beautiful since it completely wraps up the full poem beautifully. But, ultimately, all of your descriptions throughout the entire piece are lovely :)

    PS: I'll be writing a long reply in the next message


    6 months ago
  • Figwit [HIATUS]

    Re: Thanks for the feedback!!! I loved hearing what you thought :) This is a new style for me - usually, it's more poetry and fewer stories. I'm definitely enjoying giving my character such a snarky voice, lol XD.


    6 months ago
  • Figwit [HIATUS]

    This is so beautiful! Absolutely breathtaking!! This reached into my chest and pulled my heart into the pages (computer screen actually, lol).
    Re: Thanks so much!!! I really appreciate it <3 ;)
    Alaia Quin Part 2 is done if you want to read it - no pressure :)
    https://writetheworld.com/groups/1/shared/226964/version/479485


    6 months ago
  • barelybear

    That second stanza is *on fireeee* (I mean all of it is, but like “Stabbing pain transcends reason” omg and that was just the start! Oh no the third stanza is just as good and now I’m in love with the first stanza because of that 4 line then break into chaos vibe you’ve got going. Your one word lines are incredible! It sounds like sobbing ahhhhh!
    Right so I had to copy and paste your message here so that I could reply to it all haha.

    First item: you are way too nice about my series! Ahah I’m glad it’s making you laugh, nice to know the comedy hits :D
    I would love to turn it into a BBC production, but I’m not sure they would take a parody of the show they sold over to ITV...
    Douglas is definitely a favourite, but I just reread it where Harry had a lisp, and now he’s my favourite haha.
    Oooh a hike! I really need to get outside, so I think 8ll try walk the dogs with my parents today :)

    Ah yes so so so jealous of Millie :c
    In Énola Holmes it was just like my oh wow who is this guy. A quick google assured me he was (probably) single, and barely a year older than me. But, his ex was really really pretty, so we might have a problem lmao.
    Might watch Marvel, but I’ve never even been interested in the comics. One time that one with Benedict Cumberpatch was on free stream tv, and we watched the end of it. Yanno it was alright (I guess I was a tad confused because I didn’t see the start) but I’m not sure it’s my favourite genre.
    Oh nooo tell me you didn’t like Niall (poor Niall tho). My order is a clear
    Louis
    Liam
    Harry & Zayn
    Niall
    Cole Sprouse is everything, especially with his beanie in riverdale lmao.

    Wait what? No I’d never even heard of it until now. Ohhh okay searched it up, watched the advert. It looks like a fun tv show, but I’m not sure why her skirt’s so short that you can see her pants when she twirls. Ahhh. Apart from that, she looks super cute, and she’s got one of those excited American accents which is sweet.

    Yeah I kinda just though, this site is for teens and the people running it know how to cope with that. Haha oh dear yes I suppose I haven’t seen any Nylas in the gift shops either. What about yummy?? Nope I see the struggle haha.
    Need
    Yearly
    Llama
    Addition
    Ah oop. For me it was always the double E (ik, seems simple in comparison to an N and a Y, but the first one always ran me dry with my puny vocabulary back then ahah :p)
    It’s so fun chatting with you! I think I’ve removed all the copy-pasted text now haha.
    Have a good walk!


    6 months ago
  • Rohan’s Defender (Semi-Active)

    Re: :)
    Aww, that’s cool! Who doesn’t love puppies?! Well, BTS is hilarious; they make me laugh in like every interview I watch.
    Ooh, wow! Okay, now I really want to go travel!! XD
    Aw, thank you, Nyla. You’re so sweet. Yeah I don’t know about crushes... they’re so weird, lol. But I’m glad we can relate so maybe we can help each other.
    Ha, I love random questions! XD okay, ummm... like anything chocolate, and then sour gummy worms (I’m weird XD). As for gum, I guess.... watermelon maybe? lol, I’m not sure. I haven’t had gum in a while though, because I have braces. What about you (candy and gum)?


    6 months ago
  • Anne Blackwood

    Re: Oh yay! I'm so glad you liked it. :D


    6 months ago
  • kathryn siena

    re: thanks for the review. your words really cheered me up. good news: I turned in my rough draft of the paper and got a 100, so I think I'll have less work now!


    6 months ago
  • Yellow Sweater

    Re: Haha! I actually previously published that very story on Reedsy!


    6 months ago
  • Avril

    Ohh what a sweet tribute to love! You describe the feelings of love and heartbreak so well. "outstretched fingers/grasping at salty hope" - beautiful!


    6 months ago