Anne Blackwood

United States

17
Christian
Poet
Singer
Theatre kid
Twin
Disabled (chronically ill)
Suspected autistic
ADHD
Highly Sensitive Person
XXFJ, Melancholic-Sanguine, ambivert

Joined 1/16/20

Message to Readers

I think the odd line breaks are interesting, but I'm concerned that in this piece they're just a gimmick that takes away from the emotional impact. Should I rewrite this piece and save that technique for another one? Be brutally honest please.

King of False Love

March 31, 2021

FREE WRITING

15

You hold my heart with utmost care like never
Before you can see me, your Midas touch turns me all to
Gold, a color that has never felt so lifeless when it's all that I can
See me, not a figment of your hopeful imagination that flies in your
Dreams have left two dreamers desperate for
More is all we're asking for when the time runs
Out
I was listening to Is It Just Me by Emily Burns (clean version) at about 11:30 p.m. last night when I was struck by the King Midas metaphor so hard that it immediately brought tears to my eyes.

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  • March 31, 2021 - 10:20pm (Now Viewing)

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14 Comments
  • Just_A_Memory

    This is beautiful, btw!


    4 months ago
  • Just_A_Memory

    Re: I seriously am, but part of me is saying he’s not… but then part of me is like “maybe”


    4 months ago
  • Emi

    I actually like the odd line breaks. It makes the ending more of a jolt when you finish with a simple "out."


    6 months ago
  • Nyla

    RE: Hahah! Hope you’ve recovered now! XD Yes, you definitely should! HAHA, loll, essays are fun to read! And ooh, I’ll be anxiously awaiting that!


    6 months ago
  • Ellington Stone

    This is so incredible, I don’t think I can put it in words. It just hit me at the PERFECT moment. Thank you for writing it!!


    6 months ago
  • FantasyOtter12

    I like the line breaks here actually, i just got a bit lost on the 3-4 one. The piece is amazing anne :)


    6 months ago
  • ANSON REYNOLDS

    I like the broken lines... the only downside I can see is I had to read it twice to fully get it, but the concept was interesting enough I already wanted to read it twice. One thing- in the third line, I would see if you use a word other than "that"
    re: thank you sooo much for the comment!! I will def look at the last line again :)


    6 months ago
  • happy butterfly

    replying: okay:) sorry if my comment felt aggressive lol i get very excited about lyrics and storytelling in songs


    6 months ago
  • Nyla

    This was beautiful! "a color that has never felt so lifeless when it's all that I can/ See" was just wow, I'm speechless!


    6 months ago
  • WrenBirdWrites

    Wow, I love this...


    6 months ago
  • happy butterfly

    also wondering, have you heard champagne problems by taylor swift? its about a couple, they're like highschool sweethearts,who go out to dinner and the guys proposes and the girl was thinking about breaking up since they don't go to highschool or college together anymore.and its all about what happened at the dinner and her remembering memories they had together. and she uses the lyrics "your midas touch on the chevy door" so i thought that was cool. you should listen to it, if you want. i love it so much. warning: the f word is sung once in the bridge, you could "filter it" as i call it or i'm sure you could find a clean version


    6 months ago
  • happy butterfly

    wow i love this, the whole idea is so unique and sad and so layered. brutal honesty: i personally think that you should rewrite it, i feel like it took away from the power of all the layers and depth, it was also hard to read so i couldn't understand and had to reread it a few times.


    6 months ago
  • happy butterfly

    replying: thank you?!


    6 months ago
  • ChimChim_1

    Aww, sometimes songs bring the best out of us! stay strong!


    6 months ago