Peer Review by Zirong (Singapore)

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an exploration of the home

By: Deleted User

People say my house smells like spices. Especially on Thursday, when my Dad cooks up one of his mouth-watering dishes that take hours to make but only about ten minutes to eat. Smells waft through the house. Turmeric, saffron, cinnamon, each providing their own distinct aroma as they simmer in a huge pot.

Sounds fill our home as well. A random alarm clock that rings every morning at 10:03. Stairs talking to each other in creaks and croaks as someone runs up them two at a time. Long nails that need a trimming scratching the floor as my dog runs from window to window, watching my sister outside. Someone singing "Grenade" for the fourth time today (and another voice yelling "shut up"--it might or might not be me). Maybe even the rare sound of my grandmother plucking out a tune on the piano, filling the room with the rich sound of Chopin.

Home isn't necessarily found in the senses, though. Home is a conglomeration of feelings and emotions, not every one a happy one, and not easy to distinguish.

Home is the feeling of relief mixed with a spark of happiness you get when you arrive home after a tiring day at school and you dump your backpack at the foot of the stairs and fling yourself on your bed to immerse yourself in your favorite book.
Home is crawling into the little space between your bed and the wall as worry washes over you in great waves and covering your ears with your hands, pulling up your hood--anything to block out the sound of your parents arguing downstairs.
Home is long talks with your mom about anyone and anything at all, laughter ringing and contentment coursing through your veins.

Home is a personal time-capsule buried in the depths of your mind to be uncovered twenty years from now, causing you to fall into a little bubble of reminiscence. 

Protect your home--it will shape who you are with delicate, loving hands. Never forget it, never give it up. 

Message to Readers

when you try to be deep but it doesn't work too well...

Peer Review

The overall cheery tone fills me with warmth, peace and delight and a little bit nostalgia. Your choice of language and rhythm effectively creates a relaxing(and slightly nostalgic) mood and vividly portrays the beauty of ordinary life.

My favourite line is "Home is a personal time-capsule buried in the depths of your mind to be uncovered twenty years from now, causing you to fall into a little bubble of reminiscence."

The idea behind this line is really interesting and thought-provoking. I've never thought of "home" as "a personal time-capsule" before. Also, your language use is impressive.

Reviewer Comments

It'd be nice if you can describe your home through at least one more sense. The first two paragraphs are centred on smells and sounds respectively, so maybe you can add one more that focuses on sights? Perhaps about the different colours found in your house? This way, the content will be richer and the transition line of "Home isn't necessarily found in the senses, though" will be more powerful.

Moreover, I'd love to read a deeper and more thought-provoking ending. Maybe elaborate on how home shapes us?

In all, I really love this piece! I'm studying abroad and reading it makes me a bit homesick :) Please keep up your amazing work, and I can't wait to read more from you!