you don't know how much your words hurt me.
they lash out, spitting fire, just to disappear--
leaving only a bruise;
something you don't notice until it starts feeling sore again in the deep dark of the night when no one is watching.
ugly words. that just add to my burden of showing
all lies, lies.
meant to cover up the discolored misery that boils away in the inky abyss of my stomach.
your pointless words.
why? why do you feel the need of insulting me?
why don't you think i never want to take pictures, or be posted on your tiktok?
I know i'm ugly.
i just don't need you to tell me.
they tell me to "love myself."
all these stupid songs.
"it's a great message."
yes it is.
but what if i'm not my type?
oh how these shoulders ache.
i'm not sure I can stay standing much longer.
already my knees buckle, as i try to keep from falling...
Lol the line "what if i'm not my type" is from a bts meme that i just find so relatable and so funny. (don't judge)
So, anyways. This is mostly about my friend (who i love so so so SO much). She's great and wonderful, and so kind and so funny. But sometimes she can get on my nerves.
She likes to say things like "I think we can all agree that she's (my twin sister) is hot. But Ariana? Nah." And then she'll add a quick "just kidding." And I am pretty insecure about how I look.
It just hurts because I'm not vocal AT ALL with my feelings, and can often look deceptively like I am totally fine when I'm really not. No ones knows about my have insecurities, or really any of the sadness that is going on in my life right now. So yeah, it hurts a lot.
Sorry this was long. Just needed to get some of this out.