Peer Review by person random (United States)

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Warning Label

By: AJ - Izzy


FREE WRITING

Making memories should come with a label:

Warning.
The smile won't last forever.
The laughs are short-lived.
When the people in your memories leave,
the moment turns bitter.
When the feelings fade and friends are lost,
the emotions will flip upside down.
You won't see it coming.
One moment you will look back and smile in thought,
Free from the world of horror and heartache,
But the next?
You will look back and
Tears will flood your eyes.
Nostalgia will turn to Grief.
Happiness will turn to Regret.
And everything that was once right?
The pain of watching it all become wrong,
Twisted,
Distorted,
It will haunt you forever.

Warning.
 


Message to Readers

Cheese and crackers, this is a little dark *nervous chuckle*


Peer Review

Is a really interesting poem about trauma, the idea that even positive and happy memories can be painful because they remind a person of what they have lost. Or that because of what a person has experienced they realize that the things they thought of as "happy" and "safe" were neither of those things. But because of their nativity, they didn't realize what they were going through. I think that this is a really powerful theme to write about especially in poetry.


I think that a really great way to improve this poem is to just try experimenting with it. Twist and pull it apart, make tons of crappy drafts, really play with the ideas. Because there is so much to unpack with these themes really playing with the ideas and making tons of drafts might really help you find ideas you want to explore further. Like do you want to explore why these memories turned sour, the weird kind of grief that comes with no longer being able to look back for comfort, or the regret that the narrator feels about what happened in these memories?


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