"Who in the world am I? Ah, that's the great puzzle." - Lewis Carroll

oh, to live with friends in a renovated french castle with a labyrinth

i write mediocre poetry about love and other lies


Message to Readers

Lowercase intentional.

If you managed to read through this whole piece without losing attention or getting bored, then thank you! It's much appreciated. :)

i used to throw away our goodbyes; and now, i collect your hellos

April 2, 2021



how do you say something without saying a word at all?

i used to study your eyes, all salt-brine and winter sky, and
now, my gaze trained on knuckles stained white, swirling matcha
in cracked china held loose with invisible tape, (like everything is okay,
it's okay, but it's not, just like us), i can't help but avoid everything your
eyes are trying to tell me.

i feel it too, i feel

the weight building up from two opposing sides of myself, one:
the girl for whom you framed frozen dandelion petals, for whom
you promised to steal the stars (and you didn't, you didn't, the stars
remain in an untouchable sky and you know they never liked a complicated love
plot anyway, just like us);

and two: the one who mistook your affection-folded fidelity for an ace of spades,

just another trick in a fifty-two deck
(and i'm sorry for playing, i'm sorry, it's just--like us,
the predictability of one hand is at most uncertain, and i wish i could read
a strategy as well as i can read the room as well as i can
read the look on your face), but
do not efface my mark just yet, no, i will not be another half-misted
memory waving like reeds at the bottom of your memory pool, because

you fell short on the stars, but (just like us), they

always believed in second chances. and stolen glances
across an ambient saturday coffeeshop say more than the two-in-the-morning
arguments we, like children put on record and replayed and replayed and replayed,
found ourselves having. so, instead, we are here, pretending not to notice our breaths
rising and falling in tandem. i've left this tea and this conversation cold long enough to
mull over my questions, and perhaps in a moment i will look you in those
salt brine and winter sky eyes, and ask you what your silence already answered.

how do you say something without saying a word at all?
I realize this isn't amazing (and not my usual style), but it's late at night and I'm tired and my writing is somewhat rusty. Oops. By the way, I know I haven't been active since, like, January, but I want to thank everyone who's shown me support recently. I honestly didn't expect to get nearly this much support when first joining this website, so it means a lot to me that people are so kind and lovely when they pop in to read my work or leave me a comment.


See History
  • April 2, 2021 - 12:57pm (Now Viewing)

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  • sese

    This piece is so descriptive and beautiful. I was so enticed to read it all, and overall, it was truly beautiful. Please keep up the great work!

    about 1 month ago
  • Ava Marie

    Re; Thank you, that's really helpful, also I think that we might live close to the same area in Canada, not 100% sure though. Do you live close to BC?

    about 1 month ago
  • elliem

    Hey, welcome back! Are you planning on being active full-time again, or just popping in and out?

    Also, I love this piece, especially the lines “ the one who mistook your affection-folded fidelity for an ace of spades”. The image of the memory pool is also really cool. Keep up the good work! :)

    about 1 month ago
  • Ava Marie

    Also, I love the title!!!

    about 2 months ago
  • Ava Marie

    This is really good! The first and last "how do you say something without saying a word at all? are absolutely perfect. And (in regards to your footnotes) this community is literally so amazing. Also, what time is it for you? because I know that some of my best ideas come in the hours between 2:00am and 4:00am.

    about 2 months ago