rwong

United States

~average teen writer/poet~
Christian
lover of historical fiction books (especially WWII)
dog lover
pianist
musical lover

joined september 19, 2020

Message from Writer

say hi to my amazing wtw friends: mirkat, Paisley Blue, lochnessie, and SunV
and my irl friend: JMkittycat

"never dim the light that shines from within." - maya angelou
"poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words." - robert frost
"all you have to do is write one true sentence. write the truest sentence that you know." - ernest hemingway

of late night conversations and vulnerability i.

March 29, 2021

FREE WRITING

11

i. positivity
i've always been taught that positivity makes a good day
but i’m positive that i’m down right now ;
i'm positive i want to lay on the ground so at least i can catch my breath
but then i'm positive people will trample me and i’m already hurting ; 
but i'm positive i can’t show that because positivity positivity positivity ;
i'm positive that i need slap a smile on face and act like i'm happy / just act like i'm happy ;
but i'm positive it hurts and i'm positive that inside i'm completely broken /
every last bit is shattered but go on; keep acting like you're whole, shelli
because i'm positive no one will notice, so at least someone will think you're positive.

ii. joy
amidst the deepest trials, the deepest joy can be found, they said
so maybe this trial isn't deep enough even though it feels like i've hit rock bottom ; 
they keep telling me that the sadness in me has covered up the joy in my heart
but if joy were a precious stone that outshines my sadness /
it’s sunk to the bottom of a pool filled with my tears ;
and i can't find it / teach me how to restore it ;
don't tell me to slow down and breathe because right now
breathing isn't an option ; my head's underwater and the air i long to inhale / 
is too far above me ; i wonder how my heart's still throbbing
but it's using up all my strength ; i hope you'll understand if i tell you
i don't have enough energy to find the joy. (i know you won't.)

iii. "i'm fine"

people always ask me how i'm doing and i know i've got a few options:
i'm doing well, how are you? / or i'm fine ;
too often the second one comes out of my mouth and i know ;
i know you wonder how i'll ever receive help if i keep saying i'm fine
but the truth is being fine is the easiest way to slip through the rest of the day /
unnoticed ; so then i can go home in one piece without anyone finding /
the brokenness i'm hiding behind this costume i wear
because to be honest, getting through the day is a success in and of itself
and if being fine is the only way to do it then so be it ; i'm fine.
 
not edited so if there are any typos, sorry.
my friend and i spent like 3+ hours talking last night and i think she probed for long enough that i cracked. it feels weird having someone know me, actually know me, to that extent and honestly it terrifies me. i'm probably gonna be writing a lot more on this because there's just so much that happened and i have no way to process it, but yea. vulnerability is mentally tiring.
anywayyyy enough about myself -- how are you guys?? i really hope you're doing well and sending love out there <3 <3

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9 Comments
  • Wisp

    Every bit of this, just my gosh. It's so raw and moving and powerful and you weave emotions so strikingly and poignantly throughout this whole piece. You make it real and relatable, you make your words more than just words. Reading this is like seeing another's life unfold and gosh is that such a gift to behold. There are just so many quotable lines in this piece, and every single one hits you right in the heart. You tug at heartstrings and you write in a way that others can truly understand. Because I know that some, myself included, have experienced these circumstances before and reading this is just therapeutic in some instance. It's not just reading really, it's experiencing the piece through and through. Truly powerful, and I hope you know that there's strength in vulnerability, and that you are truly strong.
    Replying: It is so dastardly unfortunate that it is relatable. Of course I'm glad that I was able to connect with someone, but to hear that there are others out there experiencing these things as well is simply heartbreaking. Thank you so much for your kind words and I'm wishing you the best. May you be safe and sending love to you and your family.


    about 1 month ago
  • mirkat

    re: its crazy im kinda very much smiling a lot rn too!!!! yes thats me backyard haha. hold on yeah will email u now <3


    about 1 month ago
  • mirkat

    re: ruhriewo0qwposdkjfvndsakml ;) XD yeah.... XD thank you shellllllllll!!!!!!!!!! <3<3<3


    about 1 month ago
  • happy butterfly

    replying: ah thank you so so much


    about 1 month ago
  • mirkat

    the last stanza is everything... "getting through the day is a success in and of itself
    and if being fine is the only way to do it then so be it ; i'm fine." the emotions are so raw and this really feels like reading someone's thoughts. i mean i am-- i'm reading your thoughts, but the way this is written... it's not overshadowed with imagery (not that imagery is bad, just sometimes it becomes too much) and every line feels real and genuine. all your writing is like that. it's not as ambiguous and mine i think which i like. and remember, shell (and i know like a million ppl have already said this and sometimes it gets tiring to read it again and again but!) you are amazing and im so lucky to know you (like seriously! somehow we found each other on here!) and its okay not to be okay. being okay is overrated because i dont think i know ANYBODY who is actually okay. and yeah saying i'm fine over and over is is is well like you said its how you get through the day but it also makes you realize how not fine you are. hmmm, everything has multitudes. okay this is so rambly and like i havent said anything of weight yet, so ill wrap this up! also side note i wish my irl friends let me/wanted me to be vulnerable with them because as hard as it is opening up to ppl, you know they care and want the best for you. anyway! (also pllzzzz give me an idea on something to write about! havent written in agessss!)
    <3<3<3


    about 1 month ago
  • Avril

    Oh this is really beautiful and so full of emotion. My favourite is the second section. Vulnerability can be the most beautiful thing but also the most terrifying!


    about 1 month ago
  • Paisley Blue

    like elliem said, this really hit me.
    "i'm positive that i need slap a smile on face and act like i'm happy / just act like i'm happy ; / but i'm positive it hurts and i'm positive that inside i'm completely broken"
    "breathing isn't an option ; my head's underwater and the air i long to inhale / is too far above me ; i wonder how my heart's still throbbing"
    "slip through the rest of the day / unnoticed ; so then i can go home in one piece without anyone finding / the brokenness" gosh forget the meaning just the words here SOUND so cool and awesome together... and then you put the emotion in and BAM. wow. shelli.... wow. this hurts, you know? this is really raw. and that's probably one of the amazing things about poetry.
    and the footnotes... i get that. that happened about two years ago for me -- at least, what i think happened for you. the feeling of sharing secrets you never knew you had, confessing problems and anxieties you hadn't even admitted to yourself? it's amazing to have a friend like that, but it can also be really, like you said, tiring to be vulnerable. i know it must seem hard right now, but take a moment and look at the light things around you. i might not be helping at all, but sometimes it can help to look out of a window, go outside, just look up at the sky for a moment. it makes you realize how big the world is. which is not always the most comforting thing, but sometimes it's what you need to see, i guess? especially when you get trapped inside of your own head. at least, it helps me.
    keeping you in my thoughts :) i love you dear shelli! remember that you're beautiful and unique and loved and you don't have to be fine all the time :) <3 <3 <3 hoping you're having a wonderful day!


    about 1 month ago
  • elliem

    Wow. This is—let’s just say that when it hits, it h i t s. The lines “ breathing isn't an option ; my head's underwater and the air i long to inhale / is too far above me” and the ending to the first stanza are my favourite parts, and communicate a sort of breathtaking despair that is hard to process, name, and navigate.

    And in response to the footnotes, I’m okay! I’ve had better days, to be honest, but I’ve also had worse days, so I choose to view that as a positive. I’m glad you found you could open up to your friend, but I’m sorry it was so exhausting. Please try to remember that you don’t have to tell someone anything if you don’t want to, okay? I know it’s easier said than done when someone is pushing you, but your privacy is also important. <3


    about 1 month ago
  • Charisse Marison

    This piece made me tear up. Each section was so heartbreakingly beautiful and relatable. To quote one of my favorite songs, "I know that I should probably tell somebody I need help, but it's easier for me to say that I'm okay though." 3


    about 1 month ago