Peer Review by psithurism (United States)

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heart patter boy

By: aaliyahh


FREE WRITING

the taste of cherry on soften lips
can make a heart patter until it rips
this is only a dream; can never be real
for my heart's been ripped, it's trying to heal
soften lips chapped and now aren't soften
may the heart patter boy lay still in his coffin
 

[50 words] 
opinions? <3

Peer Review

Many of the pieces on Write The World are free-form, or free-verse, and I don't get to read a whole lot of poetry with a rhyming pattern. Not only did you write a type of poem I don't see often, but you also wrote a rhyming poem that didn't sound cheesy or like you were trying too hard.


I would love to hear more about how the heart patter boy has affected the narrator personally. There is only one line where they talk about their personal hurt, and I think it would be good for you to expand on this idea if you write another draft.


Reviewer Comments

Overall, this was an enjoyable read that flowed well in my mind and still held a steady beat. Great job! Feel free to comment on any of my pieces if you are in need of another review.