Peer Review by Jane Austen Always (India)

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heart patter boy

By: aaliyahh


FREE WRITING

the taste of cherry on soften lips
can make a heart patter until it rips
this is only a dream; can never be real
for my heart's been ripped, it's trying to heal
soften lips chapped and now aren't soften
may the heart patter boy lay still in his coffin
 

[50 words] 
opinions? <3

Peer Review

Beautiful! You did a wonderful job under 50 words. Wave of emotions, of love, of disappointment and pain all rushed inside me. I loved how you managed to capture so many lovely images and evoked such a range of experiences in your story. Well done!


You tracked the rising action, the climax, and the breakthrough. You were deliberate about how the sequence unfolded. The way you activated your thoughts into concrete messaging was the best part. Now... the next step in this process is to sharpen your point of view. What thoughts do you want to leave your reader with? How do you want your characters to grow or learn? Your language will serve these questions.


Reviewer Comments

Hello there!
It was a joy to read. My heart still aches from the faded union. Great job!

Bhoomi