Peer Review by Nyla (Canada)

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cigarettes and lavender

By: Love, Rose


FREE WRITING

Sighing at the dying sunlight
Sun shines soft on drying blood
While white knuckles clench desperately at the salty scent of passing time
Among the pink clouds and ash-strewn soil
Breath that was made formed cotton-candy clouds 
That distilled facing south to winter rung air 
It was shaming
As smoke touched at lungs and embers burned bullets into v-shaped fingers 
It made one Hiccup at the slow turning of events 
Those ridiculous splurts laughing endlessly at a pathetic rebellious whim 
Left tongues purple and my minds wondering - 
How to get this smell out of fingernails?
Another drag is taken and that thought forgotten 
it is boring now
So the scent of tobacco is extinguished and cinders soothed freezing floors
and all is left is a faint taste of lavender 
Burning at ones face


Message to Readers

thanks for reading - i am tired


Peer Review

It was really descriptive- and unique descriptions at that! I could really imagine everything happening!


You did really awesome with setting a gloomy mood from the beginning with the blood imagery. I pointed out a few words which seem a bit sticky but other than that- this was absolutely amazing! For something a bit deepening, you could describe the people there, like "bone-thin fingers" and "low-sunk cheekbones" idk, those generally creepier descriptions.


Reviewer Comments

Of course, feel free to not listen to any of my comments because ultimately you know the piece best and this was beautifully done! Great job!