Peer Review by Nyla (Canada)

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Daydream in a Tea Cup

By: V-Rose


FREE WRITING

Lizzie ran through the trees, slapping branches away from her face and breathing hard. Heavy footsteps followed her and she looked back quickly, positive they were right behind her. She saw no one but she didn't slow down. Only slight rays of the fading sunlight slipped through the thick, ancient trees, who let their ominous branches whisper terror in her ear. Their leafy arms reached out and tried to snatch at Lizzie. Twigs and leaves were tangled in her long brown hair.
    She had to get out of the forest. She had to get out before the sun fell and the wolves were upon her.
    The end of the forest was near. She could see green grass and sky, but it was still a ways away. But she was nearly there!
    "Elizabeth Gordon! Pay attention, young lady!"
    Lizzie's head snapped up to look at her mother. "You're supposed to entertain your guests," she hissed into Lizzie's ear, sounding like the forest's trees.
    Lizzie rolled her eyes. She wasn't the one who's invited a dozen girls to a tea party for her birthday. That had been entirely her mother's idea. Lizzie's idea would have been something much different.
    Talla and Carra sat next to each other, both twins wearing long braids and giggling uncontrollably. Small groups of girls talked amoungst themselves. Lizzie's mother walked off and Lizzie looked down at her tea cup again, seeing herself running through the trees, death close at her heels.
    While everyone else gossippd and giggled, Lizzie had a daydream.
    A daydream in a tea cup.

Just something short. What do ya think?

Peer Review

I loved how it completely switched! That was awesome! It started off being all scary and then it went to a tea party!! A tea party of all things!!


It was really cool how you had the daydream take up roughly half of the story and the breaking of the daydream take up the other half. One thing you could do if you wanted to experiment a little bit would be to describe the forest even more, stay in that daydream for longer and have the breaking of the daydream as a small afterthought. It would show just how imaginative this girl is! But this is completely your choice so feel free to ignore :)


Reviewer Comments

Just one question, this daydream seems to be more scary than light or happy, would "nightmare in a Tea Cup" be more appropriate? It would definitely grab attention! But again, you can ignore :)
This was so much fun to read! :)