Peer Review by ArtCat (United States)

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The Fault in Schools

By: al3xandra_9219


FREE WRITING

School work is tiring
And that would be fine
If we'd need this for the real world
But we don't
They lied
We don't need gym packets
Of "How to Hold Rackets"
When every two minutes
A woman is assaulted
They don't tell us
How the system is faulted
They leave out the the dangers
Of walking by strangers
Or the every day risk
Of going by neighbors
They don't tell us our bodies
Are seen as parties
To people out there
That really don't care
Well, I suppose teachers teach it,
They do
When they tell us our shoulders
Are not acceptable in school

To all the girls on here (and guys) definitely at least once take a self defense class. It could save your life one day. We shouldn't have to, and this shouldn't be such a "taboo" topic, but it's worth it to say. I know a good program called "Gracie jiu jitsu". They have a "University" and you can even just do it at home if you buy the course online <3 Hope everyone's having a wonderful day  (is it bad that I'm worried this might just get taken down? idk for what but idkk)

Peer Review

The topic was well chosen and I love the flow of the poem. It started out as I expected but when it got to "They lied," I realized the poem was in a different direction. I applaud the way you construct your words, especially the last 2 lines.


This is already so good, the flow is awesome. Nothing needs to be changed.


Reviewer Comments

I totally get the last part about the shoulders! Some subjects we learn in school aren't even useful, and schools should teach a self defense class.