crystalline•galaxies

Switzerland

tuffy
she/they
infp-a | 4w5

Message to Readers

word vomit! i needed an outlet and i also wanted to post something again.

my message to readers keeps getting less and less professional and i’m living for it.

*slight tw for mentions/descriptions of anxiety/stressful topics*

it’s lonely, sitting here with the moonlight for company. (tw in message)

March 24, 2021

FREE WRITING

18
writing is harder on an iphone than on a computer, but it seems fitting. the world is crashing down around me, engulfing me in its rubble and refusing to let me escape. my headphones cut out the rest of the world. could you find a way to let me down slowly/a little sympathy i hope you can show me. i feel the same anxiety that i felt on that day, the one i have named to be the worst in my life. this one might win over that, though. 

what do you do when you don’t know if you love anymore? when there’s no explanation for it, when it’s unfair and ugly? if you wanna go then i’ll be so lonely/if you’re leaving, baby, let me down slowly. i wish i didn’t have to shatter a heart in order to gasp for air again. 

i nearly cried today. the doctor said i was well-adjusted and had a good head on my shoulders. i wish i had said more. and i know we haven’t talked in a while/so i’m looking for an open door. 

she told me she accepted me no matter what, only after she thought she’d lost my voice. the other ones don’t know what they’d have to accept me for. what if the list is longer than they anticipated? don’t cut me down, throw me out, leave me here to waste. one day, maybe i’ll finally break out of the bondages i’ve created for myself, tying me to the expectations that aren’t my own. 

everything i’ve ever known feels out of reach, something that i once was able to earn. now, it’s empty. sleepless nights and tired hearts. so please, please. i want to be told that it’s okay, that it’s valid, that they care. i want someone to notice. but i don’t want to ask. 

if you wanna go then i’ll be so lonely,
if you’re leaving, baby, let me down slowly. 


i’ll try my best, but no promises. 
italicized lyrics from “let me down slowly” by alec benjamin. 

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  • March 24, 2021 - 9:13pm (Now Viewing)

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14 Comments
  • Samina

    Oh my goodness beautiful...and alec...........


    2 days ago
  • Lana.N

    my goodness this is so well written. i love it so much :)


    2 days ago
  • rwong

    oh my goodness this is beautifully heartbreakingly emotional and i'm so, so sorry you've been feeling this way recently (okay yes im extremely late *sigh* school's been catching up even though i've been meaning to check wtw more argh) but as everyone's said, you're so valid and so are your feelings. anyway this is so beautiful and heartbreaking and wow am i reusing my words today al;sdjf; argh but this is the most gorgeous word vomit in the world. sending huge huge huge hugs and all my love <3 <3 <3


    16 days ago
  • Zirong

    re: YESSS! Which song of his is your favourite? I love Paper Crown so much!!!(actually I'm listening to it now haha, at 1 a.m. His voice was a bit deeper then but angelic all the same :D)


    26 days ago
  • Anne Blackwood

    Re: Of course ^U^ (also I got so excited when I saw the Alec Benjamin lyrics lol)


    27 days ago
  • Rohan’s Defender (Hiatus)

    Re: aww, that’s great! I’m well, thank you. :) Hope you’re having a great day. God bless you!


    27 days ago
  • BirdofPrey

    re: no problem! i have been in the same situation a lot of times, but trust me you are always valid


    27 days ago
  • Wisp

    Oh honey! My heart goes out to you, I'm so sorry that you feel this way, like no one understands. I hope you know that we and others around you are there for you and that you can always rely on us whenever you need to. You matter to us and we love you, and I hope you remember that.
    This piece is just so emotional and painful, it's so raw and real. And that makes this piece shine even more, because it shows human emotions, it shows what we experience everyday, and it doesn't simplify it, it states it as it is. That honesty, that rawness, is just heart-wrenching, but it's the kind of heart-wrenching where you understand. And that hurts even more, because you've chosen a topic that people can relate to, that people can feel in their bones. And you've written that topic in such a way that makes my heart ache.
    Also when I saw the Alec Benjamin lyrics, my heart swooned. I went through a whole phase just listening to him music once haha. Lovely work hon!


    27 days ago
  • Anne Blackwood

    Oh Tuffy! What a heartfelt, musing piece.
    "i wish i didn’t have to shatter a heart in order to gasp for air again."
    That's my favorite line. It hits quite hard.
    *big hug*


    27 days ago
  • BirdofPrey

    oh crystalline of course you are valid! i have gone through many of these struggles (anxiety, validity issues) actually im still going through them lol but this poem really resonates. i promise you are and will be valid for ever and ever


    27 days ago
  • Just_A_Memory

    This hits really hard, Hon. I'm sorry you've been feeling this way recently. On the bright side, your word vomit was phenomenal! (I never thought I'd say vomit was awesome xD)


    28 days ago
  • psithurism

    holy wkdgfkwg. how are even your word vomits spectacular?!


    28 days ago
  • serein

    Oh my gosh most beautiful word vomit ever!!!
    Also the last paragraph "everything I've ever known feels out of reach..." really hit hard. So relatable! Beautiful!!!


    28 days ago
  • Zirong

    I’m a super fan of Alec Benjamin! His songs supported me through the lockdown in Singapore. This piece is as beautiful as his angelic voice. :)


    28 days ago