Avril

Canada

"It's a dangerous business, Frodo, going out your front door."

seventeen years old
joined June 2020
community ambassador alumn!

not really active right now :(

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Hey! Thanks for checking out my work! Feel free to let me know what you think.

The Ants Go Marching Two by Two

March 21, 2021

PROMPT: Sijo

17
The butterflies return each spring with songs from faraway flowers.
Little ant loves their songs, but little ant does not have wings.
He learns to be content with the music of little feet marching to the mines.

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  • March 21, 2021 - 4:47pm (Now Viewing)

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12 Comments
  • ANSON REYNOLDS

    re: ahhh gotcha. The last line---it is wonderfully conflicting. I had to ask :)


    6 months ago
  • ANSON REYNOLDS

    this sijo is really interesting- I love that the butterflies are carrying songs across oceans, that's really cool, and the ending, I am sooo intrigued... I'm curious, what was your desired emotional pull for the reader?


    6 months ago
  • Bertrand

    this line, "He learns to be content with the music of little feet marching to the mines." stuns me pleasingly!
    Keep on!!!!


    6 months ago
  • Bertrand

    incredible visualization and story line!


    6 months ago
  • Zirong

    Ooo this is SO lovely!!!


    6 months ago
  • Nyla

    I love this! It's so awesome that you stuck to the nature aspect of a sijo and made it really beautiful! And awww, I feel like this is a running metaphor with us becoming content with boring repetitive life instead of gaining wings and flying (I think I'm overanalyzing a bit lolll but really well done!) RE: Awww, thank you so much! And yes! Kids are honestly the best!


    6 months ago
  • Tachi

    re: thanks... I think Im used to it anyways. nice piece made me laugh


    6 months ago
  • nolongeractive

    I love this piece and I really like the breakdown of a popular childrens' song and how you dove into its deeper and metaphorical meaning!


    6 months ago
  • maria.

    Aw this is so sweet :)
    re: I don't have many suggestions because I really don't read enough poetry...I have so many books and somehow can never get through all of them, and yet I consistently go back to 1984 and pride and prejudice...it's a bit of a problem. I've been meaning to read the illiad, I'm quite looking forward to it and my friend tells me that Oscar Wilde was a really good poet. I do like a bit of Shakespeare's sonnets, but that could be because we've just recently studied him, Edgar Allan Poe would also be a good shout I think? Sorry I can't give you many suggestions but I think with poetry it's important to find what really works for you :)


    6 months ago
  • journal.scribbles

    Wow this is so beautiful. I just reread it like five times. It's just so amazingly profound I almost can't believe it's only three lines long. Incredible job!!


    6 months ago
  • Rohan’s Defender (Semi-Active)

    Re: aww, thank you so much! That means a lot to me! :) Have am amazing night!


    6 months ago
  • Writing4Life

    Love it!


    6 months ago